it's hard to not feel like i'm wasting all the best years of my life, y'know? best is subjective i guess but it's like i've been fed this lie that being sixteen will be the best thing ever or something and now i just feel scammed. i don't know. i'm missing out on things and i don't know what they are.

if i could have one wish from a genie it would be to like?? travel back in time or something but keep all of my knowledge. i'd do anything to be 12 again but know what it's like. i didn't get the childhood friends everyone else seemed to have at that age, i didn't have this beautiful coming of age tale. it's hard to not be jealous of people who have those stories to tell. there's so many people i wish i could've known when i was younger.

i don't know, man. mental health and being in the closet and everything has just robbed me of those experiences and it takes so much effort to not let myself be bitter about it everyday. i hope that feeling goes away one day.