it's good it happened because

if it didnt

i wouldnt have had so much time to myself

i wouldve had less time for friends

i probably wouldnt study with them

because any spare time i had

i wouldve given it to him

him, not Him

late nights would be spent hanging out with him, not Him

mornings with Him would not exist

because i'd be way too tired

cell in sengkang would probably be skipped

and i wouldnt have time after church

because all my "spare" time

i would give to him

i'd have had less time for hall

probably meaning no softball, no yinsync, no jamband, no dance

because i most definitely wouldve chosen him over all these

no yinsync means no late night talks with the seniors

the talks that i enjoy so much

because i get to learn so much

and we get to talk about things other than math and physics

and computing

and shipping couples together

those things can be reserved for faculty friends

those things

to be honest

are not as interesting

i probably use up too much of the seniors' time

they need sleep and rest and quality time without me

but

im selfish

it's so much fun spending time with them

the things i learn are so much more interesting

than every day life

they are an escape

NDU diver risks

your lungs might explode

the tuskeegee experiment

horrid people doing horrid things

milgram experiment

wonderfully exciting

yet ethically controversial

these talks are almost as exciting as the ones i have with sadiqah

so it's good that it happened

for if it didnt

i wouldve given up on so many things

exciting things

way more beneficial (maybe not) things

i love softball

and isg prep

and dance

and singing

and the seniors that are leaving so soon

too soon

because they are in their final year of study

i love how

im learning so much about God

and how

my life has so much more God now

^lol it makes sense to me but uh probably not to dictionaries

my life is still not ideal

it doesnt yet have God as its centre

so im working towards that

but if it didnt happen

i wouldve been so much more further from that Godly life i want to live

so it's good it happened

and im glad it happened

given a second chance

i wouldve still wished for it to happen

no

i'd have rather not known his existence at all