- last year today. i was the happiest little firecracker you'd ever see riding the new york subway. we went all the way to coney island. i came back home feeling so fucking full.
- this year, i wake up alone. feeling sick. feeling empty. i dreamt about atlantic barclay. i spotted someone i knew and i shouted their name. they turn around, and quickly keep going forward. as if to say, "fuck off kelly. i have something now, an actual purpose and i cant keep fucking around with you" I screamed this time. I forgot the dream as I woke up but within a few moments it came back to me. i wish it didn't.
- i think about last year and this year and this whole month... is just a countdown. like the advent calander but for each day i have a fuzzy, warm memory filled with fucking giddiness, love and fullness but it all counts down to the inevitable fucking breakdown and destruction of my fucking sanity and body.
- you dumb fucks... i'm the dumb fuck. i dont want to be alive for this again.
dec 8 2015 ∞
dec 8 2015 +