- Kings Highway at 3 am. It's snowy. It's beautiful. The painfully cold air takes away my breath. My face is numb, and it's not just because of the cold.
- I'm leaning against a brick wall. Close to my heart, my drugs. Right there in my upper left pocket. In the right, my straw and metro card. In front of me; beauty. Well, it used to be. I'm dazed and I don't know how I got here. I forget my name. I forget where I am. I've always needed someone to herd me in the right direction. Later, my brain thaws out and I run out of white powder, I realize I've walked in a straight line from home and then I walk the straight line back, giggling and cackling in pure delight at how high I was.
- I've never liked myself.
- I've hate what I've done. (to myself and others)
- I often think about what I would do if I could meet 16 year old me. I'd just, grab my chubby lil face and cry for a moment and beg myself, "please, please, learn how to love yourself before you start trying to love everyone else" Please don't let them hurt us, please don't let them know where you live, please don't go out and try to forget how much you hate everything. Please stay home this one day, stay with me and let's talk, let's think. Do you really think they don't love you? That they see nothing but fear and failure when they look at you? I sound like my mother, the one who kept me inside, the one who taught me how to climb out of windows and hide my clothes and high heels in the peonies.
sep 18 2015 ∞
jul 31 2016 +