- i'm in so much pain right now. i want to puke (literally), i want to relaspe and die. i'm stupid depressed and i wish i was in love.
- look at me. i'm doing so much better! i live at home and i'm on less drugs! but i hate everyone, ive been tortured and then people had the audacity to shove their apologies in my mouth... don't cry so loud if you don't want me to shove my dick in, he said.
- remember when i'd sigh lovingly and remember when i trusted people, remember when i could actually see someone besides myself?
- now, im doing nothing but seeing just who could want me. the words "i'm sorry" is rolling off your tongue
- i'm maybe a little too fascinated with myself. "fuck me up/i'm your punching bag/choke me/this is so bad/harder! harder! harder!"
- (here is that moment) i've brought myself to deserve this. i think i might crave pain. all kind of pain. mental and physical, but no one has hurt me worse than i have hurt myself.
- (no one ever will you stupid masochist)
- what about this, #####? What about the times when you streched out, all the joints in your arms and legs clinking and you lightly brushed the walls of your stupid drug den with your fingertips, and then... you went outside? You did your laundry, you ate a custard bun and you had some tea. Blood is rushing through your brain, not chemicals. What about the boys who really liked you and read you your fortune? The two of you looked up into that starry sky and he said, "You're actually a really smart girl, why are you living like this?"
- This is where I cry and scream, and deny all that is good for me. This is me, digging razor blades into my skin, the cuts are shallow, and so is my courage but the blood soothes me. "Me? Smart? Don't tell me what I already know, you sick fuck, don't try to analyze me, don't fucking pity me. You think you're that much better than me? You think I threw sometime away that I should have treasured? What, the notion of family? The notion of education and college and love and moral decency? Well fuck you, because you're just like me and me like you, we're two drug addicts rotting our brains away. You can't look at me with those kind of eyes you, you pretentious fuck! What! Did you think we were friends because I cried to you? It was all fake you stupid piece of shit, it was all a game"
- it was all a game. it would never matter if i got hurt or not, it's just a fucking game.
oct 30 2014 ∞
aug 14 2015 +