- It was so sad when momma lee finally told me why she hated us so much. And she was scared the same thing would happen to me, because people are mean and terrifying and because I am the spitting image of her. a little weird and unfriendly, but pretty and well, sort of too trustingly stupid. and that fear killed her. I didn't care. I never did. It never occured to me that I'd lose control.
- Nothing makes me happier than being hurt and fucked roughly.
- but when I did lose control, momma lee could sense it immediately. Maybe its mommma spider senses, maybe she could smell my fear, maybe it was because I was curled up in a bathtub of cold water. I felt so dirty. it was one fucking cold and bitter new years.
- and i imagine it was the spitting imagine of how she felt, because she blamed me for letting it happen to me. because i couldn't take care of myself. her suffering became my reality and I think for all parents, everything they suffered for us becomes worthwhile when they see us happy, and not going through the hardships they conquered for us.
- so... when I let that happen to me, everything my mother did became garbage. what was the point of coming to america, what was the point of working 24/7 till her skin bled- just so i could grow up in a rich and safe, white neighborhood. I made all her work vanish just because I'm partying druggie careless idiot.
- I'm sorry but I can't live with that burden anymore
may 18 2015 ∞
may 26 2015 +