• I didn't want to be in a place where the all the bad memories were on the tip of my eyeballs. One night, I walked down 8th ave with B, and it was 3 AM, we're both cracked out and high and walking down past 52nd street- it was empty and dark and below 20 degrees that night. But I swear, I could smell the spring air and I could see little skinny fucked up JVB, stumbling to do laundry, stealing food and smoking ice. I don't want to remember every single time I go on the subway, the way I folded up into a little ball and sobbed my way back home on new years. Me screaming at atlantic barclays center. All the streets I bawled my eyes out on. Chinatown and it's beautiful christmas lights. Washington street and the snow, a construction worker meowed at me from above, I yowled my affections back. Howling my dumb sorrows out with a white nose. The man who sold me ear muffs shaped like bunnys. Queens crossing. I don't want to pause at grand street anymore, I don't want to feel torn and stupid, broken and fucking flithy.
  • And I felt flithy. He abandoned me and I was waiting for her to blame me for her pain. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry- I should have been a better daughter-
jun 7 2015 ∞
jul 26 2016 +