warning this part is a major TMI and also a major TW for mentions of SA, suicide, self harm, and the like.

• cptsd
  • i was diagnosed with ptsd around 16/17 i dont rlly remember. i suffered prolonged abuse as a child (emotional, physical, SA, COCSA) and i dont remember a lot of my childhood so most of those memories have only resurfaced by talking with my siblings. i had a lot of emotional outbursts and moments of very apparent disturbance of which i didnt recognize was out of the inability to cope with that trauma. now that im older i have more empathy for my younger self compared to when i used to really hate how i was. i still struggle a lot with ptsd episodes and triggers relating to SA and physical abuse specifically.
• bpd
  • unfortunately despite the fact ive been told multiple times i meet the dsm for BPD i cant get officially diagnosed with it since i also have adhd and my therapists think it may be the emotional dysregulation part of that. however i do think that i have bpd mainly because of my severe emotional dependence on specific people and very severe splitting problems. i also have frequent persecutory delusions about others watching me or spying on me to get back at me. i did not have a very great or supportive FP so a lot of these issues are still pretty terrible but im working on them. at the moment i dont have an FP bc of my sad baka life of being a recluse. also i have very severe issues about abandonment . no matter what i do i still feel like i have yet to really fix this issue so sorry in advance.
• adhd
  • i think this ones prettyclear... i have so many issues with short term memory, memory in general, attention, and motivation. im supposed to get medicated soon but idk when that'll be. if i forget something its not on purpose T_T i also get very side tracked and tend to forget my original plans frequently
• major depressive disorder
  • i was diagnosed with this one very early on in my life lol. it was extremely terrible in middle school to the point i tried to kill myself 3 times. i was also hurting myself frequently. i still have terrible depressive episodes where i cant get out of bed, dont eat, and just rot in my room. luckily i have an awesome .personality that covers up allat depressing stuff in my head