Its amazing how days are dragging by and yet, it seems like we were just together yesterday. I dont feel the need to write about my feelings anymore because ive realized that it hasnt really helped me with anything other than ranting to people aobut my life. I feel like my rants lead to endless trouble and it branches out to more and more insecurities. Although this may be true, writing down my feelings is the only time where i could collect my thoughts, maybe not entirely, but a good portion of it. I will be completely honest with you, I feel like we're still scared or not ready to come back, even though i said id try to win you back. Im still scared to admit that i want to come back for sure and that brings me disappointment. There are many nights where ive needed you and days where i just want to show you some affection. I may be asking or saying too much because we are not together, but i guess i miss how we used to be. There are some things that i have not gotten used to yet. Maybe its just this "time" that you speak of that will help us, or me, get out of this. I feel like no matter how much we talk about it, it doesnt really help because you think that i am still unsure of why im like this. Ive dropped my pride plenty of times for you. Ive went out of my ways just to see or be with you. Ive fought so hard for you and now, i just want to see that youre fighting to be with me also. You know me, i dont like showing how i feel or how weak i may be, but sometimes, people need to see that side of me to know what i really want. I know that i dont intentionally mean to do what i do. Maybe im just over analyzing things, maybe im just being insecure, or maybe im just too intertwined with the situation that i fail to recognize the prize in the end. A friend once told me that, "Even though he does or say things, you should still keep in mind that he could come back, he didnt waste all that time 'falling' for you." If i could tell you everything about how i feel, i would, but sometimes i feel like i cant tell anyone anymore. I love being around you and seeing the extra effort that you put in to see me or hold me, but when things die out, thats when it hurts the most. There are some things that you may not notice, but i do. The reason why i dont like telling or showing you things is because it always ends up with us arguing or you having to change something that i dont want you to change. Or the fact that im afraid to go full out because ive been "HURT", plenty of times than you think, wish you could FULLY understand. Im stressed with so many things that i cant seem to keep my head focused on handling one thing at a time. I wish things went back to how they used to be... " . Time did heal, thanks for.... and youre still special.. i just... feelings faded... im leaving and... yeah okaye, i love you too... "