getting right to the point: MY GF SURPRISED ME (AND MY WIFE) WITH A PIANO KEYBOARD?!??!?@%?@#ASDGSDFGGJKL;

it has SEVEN OCTAVES of WEIGHTED KEYS! a PRETTY REALISTIC PIANO SOUND!! a sustain pedal!!! and can be used with MIDI !!!!!!!!!! god it's all i've ever wanted since i first started to care about music, and it doesn't sound like much to ask for, but these things can get expensive VERY easily.

when i was 13, i saved up all of my birthday money to buy a piano with weighted keys that was on sale at Guitar Center, but by the time i was able to go back they were totally sold out of the one i wanted... so i settled for something decent. it was about $80, 6 octaves, keys were not weighted, but it had those "learn to play" tutorial things for iconic piano pieces and had a bajillion different sound - it was good enough to start with. i needed it mostly to practice music for choir... it didn't take me long to realize that dedicated Evanescence fans had spent the last 10 years transcribing every last piano part in their songs by ear, and i began learning to play a beginner-friendly version of "Breathe No More". i never received any formal piano training, and i didn't learn well with the tutorials within my tiny keyboard's screen, but i've always been familiar with music notation and knowing where the notes are on the keys. i started brute-forcing it, it took me close to a YEAR just to play the intro with any proficiency.

it's the only song i ever learned how to play. the moment i touched this, my dream piano keyboard that i've yearned for over a decade now, i sat down to let my fingers find their starting notes, and began to play it once more from muscle memory. i've never been good at it, mind you, i absolutely could not play it without faltering in my tempo - i'm finally ready to REALLY learn. i think this song is the perfect place to start over again. playing for fun alongside practicing fundamentals like finger placement and scales is definitely the best way for me to learn.

but honestly? all of this kind of scares me??! i put off this kind of purchase for SO MANY YEARS because it costs the kind of money i couldn't justify spending on myself. even used ones are upwards of $200 (yes i've been a broke ass bitch my whole life okay!!!!!!) and i'm afraid i won't really commit to learning. i'm scared i just keep making excuses this whole time because i'm actually not passionate about music. but like. that's crazy right?! music means SO MUCH to me, it has shaped the course of my life in so many unforgettable ways, and i've always felt a deep desire to express myself through my voice. um, on the other hand, i've had a much smaller MIDI keyboard for over a year now that a friend gave to me after they upgraded to a more proper one (like the one i just got) and i swore to them and literally everyone else that i'd finally start making music once i got it, that all i needed was an instrument of some sort so i don't have to awkwardly type out melodies with the keys of my laptop. and then i...took it out like twice ever to make some weird sounds in FL Studio and haven't used it outside of that. i've made nothing, i've learned nothing besides how much i hate DAWs. i wanted to try my hand at sample-based music but i'd have to understand the damn program i have first, and i'd love to write my own compositions but i haven't had ANY ideas for lyrics or melodies of any kind since i was a teenager.

i'll start with learning the fundamentals. even if i can't write for shit, i can prove my passions through my performance.

there's a certain sort of melody construction that suits my voice particularly well, and i notice it most often in these specific artists:

• Evanescence
• Stream of Passion
• Lacuna Coil
• Within Temptation

i aim to learn more in-depth music theory so i can identify what i like about the music that inspires me. it's partially because i have a similar vocal range to these vocalists - well, they can all belt much higher than i can - but i'm sure there's music theory words for the jumps between notes. the fifth or major third or something like that. if i learn the language of music i can begin to speak it. right now it's like my understanding of spanish: i can pronounce individual words and recall a bit of vocabulary, and i could imitate phrases or memorize sentences phonetically like a parrot, but i can't speak my mind in spanish at all. i need to learn its structures so i can begin to toy with them.

anyway all of this finally convinced me to set up the printer i found on the curb, and all i gotta do now is buy a fuckload of black ink so i can print out a library of sheet music!!!!!