• You can't just bring dead things back to life. Tandy: Oh yeah? Tell that to Jesus Christ and his buddy Frankenstein!
• It's hard to trust fats.
• It truly was a Shawshank Redemption.
• I'm just going to come out and say it! You know, if I were trying to get pregnant, I wouldn't be guzzling wine at every turn like a teen at a hootenanny.
• Explosives are not appropriate for minors. They're for adults and for miners. Coal miners. It's a different minors.
• Would a penis compliment make you feel better?
• If she's been with Todd, I don't touch that bod.
• I would agree with you 100% on opposite day.
• It took me a while to figure out Tandy wasn't a dangerous lunatic but in fact, the man of my dreams.
• How much women's saliva do you need in your mouth, you freakin' monster?
• Young Phil: You beefed it so hard.

Mike: YOU beefed it!

• Come here, you little Vixen. The reindeer, not the whore.
• Phil: You told them I was dead?!

Carol: Well, as I recall, you told Gail and Erica I was dead, so now we're even! Phil: Carol, this isn't a "saying people are dead" competition!

• How long can a fart retain its unique smell composition in a sealed jar?
• friendship kiss? of course, bud.