thais — call me thay , please

• 01 line
• she/her
• love books
• love music
• love animals
• brazil

Howard... I hate you so much for leaving me here, sometimes I hope you die. I'm sorry. I feel awful admitting that, but it's the truth. I was curious about other men. I'm sure you don't want to hear about a stranger satisfying your wife, and I swear it was only once. It was a mistake. It wasn't him that I wanted. I know that now. And I wish things could just go back to the way they were before, but I don't see how they could, not after the things I've done. Oh, Howard. I realize how this all must sound. Honestly, there was a time I was flattered to have someone as handsome as you pine over me. You're such a good person. I know that. I made sure to always be mindful with your heart. I never wanted you to feel jealous. It's an awful feeling like a rot, the way it just twists and turns at your insides. I know that aching so well. I feel it. Whenever I see others whose lives come easy because the truth is, I'm not really a... The reason I kept my eyes to the ground..._I'm so desperate to have that._ All my life, I've wanted off this farm ..._How could I be responsible for another li..._ It's harsh, and bleak, and draining. I w..._I hate feeling like this. So pathetic. Do..._ I'm so scared that when you finally come..._All I really want is to be loved. I'm hav..._

if i were...

• a body part : mouth
• a book : the seven husbands of evelyn hugo
• a color : navy blue
• an element : fire
• a music : playing god by paramore
• a movie : matilda (1996)
• a number : 8 or 9
• a fruit : lychee
• a scent : a cake being taken out of the oven
• a character : cry baby
• an animal : otter
• a band : panic! at the disco
• a musical instrument : violin
• a season : fall
• a month : february
• a kind of weather : cloudy
• a planet : saturn
• a quote : “life is hell, at some point we all just have to get used to it.”
• a feeling : confusion

• wheels on the bus

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ❝ trying to ignore it, it's fucking boring , i'm quietly observing, i'm saying nothing [...] no one's watching us, don't give a fuck ❞ ㅤ

• class fight

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ❝ i fell in love with him but he wasn't in my light [...] mommy, why do i feel sad? should I give him away or feel this bad? no, no, no, don't you choke, daddy chimed in: go for the throat [...] the teacher broke us up after I broke her ❞

• the principal

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ❝ what if I had told your mother, her son was a cruel motherfucker? [...] forced to follow the leader who's being possessed by demons. i've tried to make you listen, but you won't, it’s your way, right? killing kids all day and night, prescription pills and online fights, shooting at the angels while claiming you're the goo..._can't you see that we're all hurtin'?, if..._ , excuse me, how much are you earnin'[......_you don't know the pain that you are caus..._ ❞