part took in a indo event here and knew no one. i've always had a trouble making friends but i thought it would be easier. omg it was horrible!!! i literally knew no one and i know they seem to not like me as much which is uncool but yeah, people. i dont know i've never had good socializing skills so i don't know. i just feel like it would be a different story if i looked a certain way, better. it sucks because everything is solely about that, theres always going to be injustice. and im slowly learning to love myself but its hard because i dont know how. and theres alot of i dont knows in my life because yes i am that type of person, i dont have a clear and significant plan, i play along, i am a background, i am a sidekick, i am an option.

and that hurts.

i cant change myself because i dont want to. personality wise, im not a bad person AT ALL. the more i grow up i realize things dont bother me as much and thats good. it still hurts and i still think about it but its getting easier. people are assholes, all they care about is looks so fuck that shit. how many ways and times you want to change the world, its already fucked and the sooner you realize that its all full of shallow and superficial people, the more you go shit. im not good with people thats why i prefer to be alone. but i dont like being lonely and thats the difference. i watched this mindy project episode and there was a girl similar to me and she was like "i just want the option to" and i was like same. im just sad, i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like i just want to throw it all away and go back home. im having such a hard time and i cant get my shit together i