dear sunshine,

it's been a while since i've called you that, huh? i don't even know if you will see this but i hope you do. actually, a part of me hopes you do and the other part? not so much. i'm sorry i pushed you away right after what happened. it was selfish of me, i know. but i couldn't help it because i felt so.. hurt. was it okay to feel hurt? when i knew that we wouldn't go anywhere? maybe it hurt just a little (a lot) because i had a little bit of hope that we would be.. something. i don't blame you, though. you made it clear on your part, i just got lost in my little fantasy sometimes, i guess.

i wanted to message you, i wanted to come back to you and talk to you in hopes that i wouldn't be in so much pain; but every single time i tried to type a reply to you, i just couldn't muster the strength, the energy to pretend like i wasn't affected by it. it's one of my biggest regrets to this day – because i think i lost you. i can't message you now because you softblocked me, which frankly, broke me. but hey, what was i expecting? i left you in the dark.

maybe it wasn't anything big or drastic to you, but the times we spent and the little laughs and memes i shared with you, will always be something i hold closely to my heart. and i'm still thankful that i'm the only one who knows your birthday, like how fucking cool is that. i wondered if we would have done a little something on mine if we were still talking. i looked back on your account and had a small chuckle to myself at your username. goth deaddy.

bottom line is, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being selfish and i'm sorry for getting so lost in what i felt and overwhelming you. i'm sorry that i couldn't pretend like everything was okay and left our friendship hanging. if you could ever, ever forgive me, and want to talk to me, please show me a sign. on my old twitter. where i'll always be. i miss you a lot, sunshine.

warm hugs, moonlight.