Some Notes and Observations:

• Maybe I eat to procrastinate what I need to do.
• Some tasks are not as complicated nor as time consuming as I perceive it would be.
  • I always think, "ang hirap" internally. I wonder why. I envisioned a huge boulder inside me that doesn't want to move as I say that. I see/feel it in my solar plexus.
• Namimiss ng katawan ko gumawa/gumalaw nang malaya.
• Focus on each task at a time, with full presence.
• You are capable. You can do what is asked of you and what you need to do in order to get to where you want to be. The small steps stretch out.
• Magbawas, magbawas, magbawas. Pagkain, gawain, responsibilidad. Pag-oo at pagtanggap ng lahat ng dumadatin. Maaaring pumili. Maaaring tumanggi. Maaaring maghanda para sa paparating na malaki, mas nais, mas galing sa puso.

The idea is to lessen what's on my plate. The intention is to start removing things from my plate.

• Lately at work, I find myself feeling sensitive to Ms. Aprille's reactions (in chat). I feel a coldness compared to before. A part of me thinks (or feels?) that it's because I fell behind on my deliverables or that she's disappointed in me because she had high expectations but what I delivered didn't meet that.
  • This could be true, but this could also not be true. Or both. She could also be just really loaded with work to have space to 'feel' or be warm. Then again, this is just in chat. In person, I feel she hasn't changed.
  • What's interesting is I'm surprised I'm not as affected as I would have been before. I find myself less attached to what she might think of me or how she feels about me. And I'm practicing how to be kinder to myself.
  • I witness myself honoring the pacing that I can work at, this present moment / at this pace of my life. I feel like I must increase my pacing (because that is the demand of the work construct or system) yet I just can't seem to bring myself to do that.
  • Yes, I want to be more focused. I admit and observe I easily get distracted. I take longer in doing certain tasks that I perceive can be done more quickly others.
  • Yes, I want to work on my response time, respond time, but I want to do so with presence.