4.22.24

Feeling Grateful, feeling at ease with myself ~ with where I am, who I am, who I was and who I am becoming.

It feels good to find myself in this space again. I say again, because it has happened before, my love.

I was sitting with my Self earlier today, and as I arrived, I remembered... "Peace and Love is your fragrance." And tears just poured in rememberance, and humility. Grace . The Lord's Grace is infinited.

And I allowed myself to just enjoy this sensation within, observing how I immediately want to pour it outside... to give, and even to prove , "Hey, I am Light. Look at what I have to give / share."

Allowed myself to go back within that space of just being . Being that Light that I feel and allow it to dance within me.

Enjoy it for the Self first before sharing it.

May my sharing of it come from a deep knowing that... "I Am."

Why was I ever so scared to feel / be happy?

• What made me feel unsafe to express the fullness of my emotions?

Just because it's unconventional, doesn't mean it's impossible, or invalid, or wrong.

You are starting something new, seeding perhaps something that hasn't been birthed before, hence, the unfamiliarity.

But what you can come back to is, God is with you in this one ~ not even just this one...

God is with you always . All ways.

He is helping you build the life you dream of. If you dig even deeper, you may even realize that He's the one who dreamed of You first.

Ikaw ang Unang Panaginip at ang huli.

😭🥹

Love will live forever in the infinite universe.

Dear Mother,

Suddenly I am surprised that it's the 21st of July already, year 2023.

Today, I'm feeling good. Neutral . and it's pleasant to feel that way at times - to not need to feel elated or in Spiritual bliss (high up in the sky) nor down in the depths of my shadows, or spiraling in a sea of worries, etc... it feels good to just be .

We recently had a New Moon, mother. And perhaps the only invitation is for me to explore how it would feel like to devote my love to myself, to my inner child most especially. ❤️

I feel like it's only been recently that I was somewhat able to get a feel of the pureness of my heart. To just dance with it whatever state it might be in - whether all walled up or all raw and open

It feels good to be in this space.

1/11/24

• Observing how I feel a little anxious about the conversation between me and my crush.
  • Was it not a 'good' response?
  • Did I say too much, or too little?
  • Does he care little, that's why he didn't reply?
  • Did he feel I wasn't worth of his time?
  • ..._did I jinx it?_ Did I miss the chance to get him to like me?
  • ...what if he doesn't like me in the way I hope he would like me (more than a friend)?

On the other hand...

• Happy to receive a message from him. :)
• Desiring to detach myself from ego stories that I might have or develop around the...

Arising thoughts, fears, and sensations...

4.29.24

• Not quite buo just yet...will spend more time to listen closely and more quietly...
  • A fear / a worry around my the shift in my feelings last night. A certain detachment from the desire or worry. I was feeling very excited yesterday to invite Steve to have dinner. I was debating acting on it for many reasons my mind came up with - he's at an event, it most likely has low chances to happen; he might not want to spend time with me and prefer to stay at the event; he might think I'm compensating because I said I would go then last minute didn't. He also sent an invitation earlier to have breakfast together with a friend which I may seem to have dismissed...

My inner child gets angry and frustrated when I impose too many rules and strict discipline - even in my Spiritual practices, even when my intention is good (to process or heal emotions).

• Nagdabog siya kagabi. Humiyaw. Ang dami daming rules! Ang daming bawal! Walang sense kung bakit. Ang daming considerations palagi, hesitations! Why can't we just do it and give it a try? Sawang-sawa na ako makulong.

The child is very present - it feels what it feels in the moment and is able to forgive and embody a different emotion the next moment.

It loves and gives incessantly without worrying what it will receive in return. It just a has an innate belief of abundance and..."what is mine is yours (unity consciousness).

Society told us to look at children as he...

I look forward to,

• not having to check Viber messages constantly
• not having to juggle so many tasks all at once
• not having to worry about social media content & algorithms
• not being in the office cubicle most of the time
• not worrying all the time; not thinking or witnessing others always think about the next thing that has to be done or accomplished

I look forward to,

• more meaningful and genuine connections
• more time outdoors, in the Sunlight, with the wind and Mother Earth
• more free time for spontaneous trips with Boobams! or my sister!
• Sacred Rest. Sacred Pause.

3/19/24

• Ramdam ko ngayon ang 'pangdidiri', ang pakiramdam ng pagnais pumiglas mula sa sarili (katawan) dahil may ginawa akong hindi ko tunay na gusto o kailangan. Nasusuka .

Takaw lamang ng bibig ~ a 'false' need that tells me I need to fill to feel . (Aaah, iba ang lapat ng mga katagang ito ngayon.) Literal, kumain lang ako ng nagpadala sa emosyon ng Takaw . Ano ba ang takaw? Saan ito nanggagaling, Ina? Ano talaga ang inaasam niya/ko?

• Minsan (as in nitong mga nakaraang araw lang), naiisip ko na sanay kasi akong...masikip, sanay na bawat espasyo sa katawan (within) ay pinupuno ng distractions, pagpapanggap/ganap (performance), at iba pa.

Pero ngayon...dahil bagong tao na, bagong hubog muli at bagong linis... naninibago pa sa espasyon na hindi naman kailangan punuin dahil pinunan na Niya. Walang kailangan gawin. Walang kailangan idagdag . May maibabawas ba? Oo, parating meron p...

3/18/24

Okay lang Aien, kung isa sa mga rason mo kung bakit mo ayaw sa office ay...

• ayaw mo ng aircon
  • dahil gusto mo ng natural na yakap ng hangin, at sikat ng araw sa araw-araw

Okay lang na,

• ayaw mo ng fixed office hours
  • gusto mo ng flexible yung oras mo para magawa mo yung mga nais mo, para mas maayon sa natural mong daloy ang araw-araw mo

Bago ito, bago ito dahil hindi ito ang 'itunuro' na paraan ng pamumuhay.

Ikaw ay lumilikha, at sinusubukang isabuhay, ang daloy ng buhay na nais mo, para sa iyo at para sa lahat (_Natural_).

Pakinggan.

• Ano pa yung mga pinipili kong rason para ...

My ego has so many stories. Here is where I write them,

• 29.24
• My ego tells me I'm impatient. That I could have waited a little longer before expressing the love that I felt. Could have gathered all the energy first, and allowed for the mud to settle before taking action
• Then another part of me feels tantraumy, saying "but I always keep waiting! I'm always asked to be still and not express myself fully! ...Am I never allowed to just be myself?!"

Dear Mother,

I feel grateful that being here at where I am at work, is amplifying where I want to be / where I prefer to go.

I feel thankful that my work situation is mirroring to me and showing me that this is not where I want to be - there is another place or places, I long to go and dream of going.

And that's okay.

I'm allowed to leave places I have outgrown. I don't have to be cruel to myself for feeling that way.

I can start to remove the judgements, ego stories, and wounding I keep attaching to my desires and to my decisions and actions.

• Also, now we have space to dream a new dream. :) To imagine what we would like instead, what do we dream of having? More th..._living_ ? Being?