Arising thoughts, fears, and sensations...

4.29.24

• Not quite buo just yet...will spend more time to listen closely and more quietly...
  • A fear / a worry around my the shift in my feelings last night. A certain detachment from the desire or worry. I was feeling very excited yesterday to invite Steve to have dinner. I was debating acting on it for many reasons my mind came up with - he's at an event, it most likely has low chances to happen; he might not want to spend time with me and prefer to stay at the event; he might think I'm compensating because I said I would go then last minute didn't. He also sent an invitation earlier to have breakfast together with a friend which I may seem to have dismissed because I didn't respond to it directly. I just advised that I was still in Taytay; Mmm...so many branches to a tree that the mind can go to. So many stories around a single point....
  • Do I feel disappointed that I didn't try? I feel a little regret...because I was feeling good about it. It wasn't out of worry or feelings of obligation or lack of self worth that I wanted to ask him out. It was more of from a place of desire - I want to spend time with him.
  • A part of me worries I may have missed my chance. But I feel, I can try again. And be, as much as I can, an observer of this process I am going through. Of identiying what I want to do or not do...then lay the steps to get what I want and see how that unfolds, however it does.
  • A desire...to meet, to date, to spend time together.