These are valuable questions to ask of yourself AND your partner because UNPLANNED pregnancies can create hardship. If you can’t have this conversation with your partner, then you might not be ready to bring a human here? Bringing a life into the world is not special. Every species can do it with a penis and a vagina. It's taken so lightly which is why there are billions of humans being made without planning (a drivers license takes more planning). I am in favor of building families responsibly with foresight and compassion. Accidents can be happy accidents with a bit of consideration. There is a 50% and higher chance you might not spend forever with your partner. Make children YES, but make them with care. It’s your pussy. Manage it.

• What is the post birth plan? Do both parents need to work (as often is the case) or will there be a stay at home parent (if so, for how long)?
• Are you okay with the financial cost of raising a child (200k)?
• If you were to separate, are you okay with residing in the SAME city until your child is 18 so they have the benefit of having both their mother and/or father in their lives (in many states it’s the law to remain in the same state/city)?
• If you were to separate, how much time would you want to be guardian of your child and how much time would you want your partner to have?
• If you were to separate, what is the financial expectation from your partner?
• If you were to separate, are you cool with having a person be a step-parent to your child on your partner’s end and on your end? Do you have it in you to be supportive of these step-parents so your child has a strong sense of family?
• If you separate, are you mature enough to maintain a decent relationship with your ex for the benefit of your child? Because a bad relationship does NOT equal a bad parent.
• If you separate, are you able to see the value of having your partner in your child’s life so that you don’t engage in power plays or gatekeeping?
• Are you okay with the how a child will change you and your partner’s relationship dynamic (attention being focused elsewhere, less time for date nights, exhaustion, etc)?
• Are you committed to not parenting passively – i.e., quality time, the massive amounts of attention and sacrifice they need from age 1 to about age 10, reading each night, driving them to school and classes everyday, going through all the age-phases from tantrums to teenager-ness? Are you committed to raising a good human at the sacrifice of your time?
• Have you removed the fantasies that your kid will be your super best friend and love you endlessly since how kids turn out and your relationship with them is varied and not guaranteed? You have to love and support them regardless of their given personality.
• Are you okay with the likelihood that your children will not take care of you when you're older? Statistically the number is incredibly low, 15%
• Have you spent enough time living with your partner to know that they are a good match and that you both have similar ideologies and lifestyles that can make you great parents?
• Never marry a person you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.