listography: I DON'T LOVE

lisa's listography » bookmark lisa

What a beautiful face I have found in this place that is circling all round the sun. What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye and be gone from me. Let me hold it close and keep it here with me. And one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and LIST every beautiful thing we see.

LINKS...

listography	GIVE MEMORIES
Ryan	movies (In theaters, TV series, or docs)
	books (reading, read, bookclub)
	books (Never Ending Summer Reading List)
	books (Some Queer Authors...)

Ryan	adam
Spooner's No Fun	karilyn

I DON'T LOVE

my perpetually tangled garden hose
when people say you can use their pool, like for our teen, but they don’t entirely mean it
that the moon won’t let you take good pictures of it, even and esp when it’s gorgeous
gurus, yogis, spiritual cult of personalities
when the bad guys win
non stop political text messages
when not acknowledged men can be emotionally, physically, sexually abused
home fireworks, and how they traumatize babies, dogs, veterans, and animals…and pollute the environment
when the dishwasher doesn't actually wash a dish
when people spend forever in a public restroom and then have this shocked look at the line when they come out lol
how artists create culture, and great neighborhoods, and then the rich take it over
when you suck a boba ball up too fast
when my dress gets caught in my butt cheeks
when hollis leaves the stickers on fruit all over and in strange places (also it's funny)
when people know from their deepest purest place that something is horrifically wrong but say nothing
when the dentist or hygienist try to talk with you when your mouth is filled with tools
when I cut my bangs way too short, as I often do, and nobody is telling me because they are being polite, and then I look back at pictures and say oh my gosh, my bangs were way too short
when pretty little girls are arrogant
the question of “can I still wear this” that pops into my head now that I am older
how if Rumi sees one squirrel, the whole walk is ruined
counting backwards to figure out what time you have to leave to get somewhere on time
having asthma tryin to act like I don’t
folks who open the airplane window and fill the cabin with sunlight when everyone is sleeping
watching humanity live out the same violent cycles, and watching people live out the same cliches
trying to detach the toilet paper from being glued at edge
cultural and tribal cosplay under guise of spirituality
sand
robocallers
keeping up with supplements
time it takes refilling water bottle at the fridge
everything about airplane bathrooms
when folks think they’re smart because they can regurgitate information
celery. really hate celery.
bad lighting
waiting to de-plane
loud music levels in intimate spaces
waking up with sheet creases on my face
trying to be a woman sitting alone at a bar for a drink and being harassed by man after man to dance, take a picture with them, talk, etc.
paying parking meters and/or getting parking tickets
the spiraling horrific effects of oppression and colonization
when a spider comes down on you from a tree or accidentally walking into a web
when trapped in a car with an insect
how colors look different when you hold them up against other colors (picking paint and fabric difficulty)
the dudes at the gym or massage therapist who moan loudly
virality flattening all forms of art
the slow death of science, truth, morality
the cult of personality - the internet selling us charismatic garbage people
a man invents the smart phone and we're slaves to it. it was that easy.
when James is going to trap a spider to take it outside but he misses and then I'm nervous about where the spider went all night––and its potential revenge
communication becoming more and more passive, distant, dehumanizing
pilling on clothing
excessive personal content on social media to fill our brains with their lives
20% of green house emissions coming from livestock (93 billion animals killed every year) We are a terrible species.
when you jump into the carpool lane all liberated but then it also comes to a stop
when I forget my grocery bags and my self esteem is lowered
the loss of Sinead O'Connor — mentally ill systems, create mentally ill people
when I whisper something to James discretely in public and he says it back to me really loud cause he’s not sure if he heard it correctly
the insane notion that a god would deliver blessings through American capitalism
That I didn’t get abs from coughing
when the ice maker shoots ice at me right when I open the freezer
when your arm is out the window and the driver starts rolling the window up
going to a frame store to get a quote on how much to frame something and every time walking out in complete shock and definitely not doing that
getting really bad covid ––and wishing I had got the last booster that's clearly been protecting me these past few years from really bad covid (the vaccines suck too but I think Covid is worse)
all of us, drunk on empty content
getting rid of clothes, coupled with the certainty that I won't fit into them again (also comforting too)
the daunting number that over 500,000 books are published every year in the US
dogs who are never walked and kept in the yard
that weird television setting ("motion smoothing/video interpolation") that makes everything look like a soap opera
scenes of animals killing prey in nature documentaries
the amount of terror we mass produce in factory animal farming
waiting for test results
how so many of our identities are built from socioeconomic conditions, which means we are just the end result of capitalism, never knowing who we really are
road rage
therapists on TT that over simplify psychology to clickbait you into believing you have a disorder or that someone else does
perfectly healthy women taking prescription drugs to get abnormally skinny so they can sell that skinniness back to the rest of us
waiting for a show to start
when you are asked to tip people when ordering at the counter and bussing your own table
panic attacks around leaving rumi because of how toki died
when clothing falls off the hanger when I’m looking through racks
when I take my plant dying personally, like they didn’t like me or I failed them
the time between a movie being in the theater and streaming
the process of colonoscopy prep
how little authors are paid, despite the years of work (people reading less, downloading, content overload)
the endless barrage of unnecessary beauty products being sold to me by fellow women (gross), telling me to de-puff my eyes, make my skin more radiant, stop having wrinkles, tone my face, etc.
hollis jump-scaring me all over the house since she was five
jury duty summons
endless, endless pictures of everything. I’ve seen everything.
hang nails
cdc study reporting mass female teen depression crisis, 60% rise in suicidal ideation since 2012 (shortly after iPhones & social media invented)
accidentally taking a screenshot of my phone
pop psychology
papercuts
micro entertainment for the attention economy (but damn those doggy videos)
rumi hogging the bed
when I bring something into the dressing room that I’m sure will fit and it is way too small
tripping over computer charging cords and dragging the computer along with me
tv deaths at home or hospital where the person looks basically the same even though they're dying
when rumi decides to poop on someone’s lawn just as they’ve walked out the front door
nuanced psychological terms used as petty insults or social media trends for the world to play with
seeing water bottles filled with pee while out for a walk
cell phone dead zones
pyramid schemes, cults, gifting tables --that all take advantage of vulnerable people
flimsy spirituality
the sound of a telephone ringing
when the massage therapist whispers “finished”
the use of lovebombimg when in replace of a person’s ability to critically think and make good choices, versus falling under a spell of helplessness because someone said nice things
riding backwards on forward moving transportation, like trains
when the soup spoon falls all the way into the soup
all these strange phone numbers that call me but don’t leave a message
receiving all those notifications about million dollar class action lawsuits I'm a part of but then getting a check for $2.98.
dental work (even when they're super nice)
the claustrophobic nature of MRI machines
oppressive patriarchal inventions like the nuclear family and marriage
when it’s a mystery how many hours I slept
the sound of an airplane toilet flush
tinnitus
gang tag graffiti (artless)
when I can’t remember which one is Hall and which one is Oates
getting to the airport toooo early or crazy late
when adults don't believe in vaccines and children needlessly die as a result (ie 700 children who recently died in zimbabwe due to measles, polio's return, etc)
when I accidentally hit RUMI in the head with the poop bag while walking and I feel like a terrible dog mom
the sound of a car accident
when a taxi driver is complaining about LA traffic
mega churches, esp all the ones with sexual abuse
when I can smell someone’s burp under my mask
when bands don’t play the favorites
when Rumi accidentally pees on someone’s leg thinking it's a tree
driving thru snow closures and fire closures over the years up the barren 5 Freeway to Bay Area - making trips 3 hours longer :/
when rumi snobbishly refuses water
a pile of keys in a jar and not knowing what they’re all for but not wanting to get rid of them cuz they might be important
celebrities hawking their skincare lines
when I'm looking for glasses that are on my head
having to listen to public radio fundraising even tho I’m already a monthly subscriber
wet feet in shoes
hiking up a steep never-ending staircase and folks are passing you barefoot in faster time with huge backpacks, and you ask them if they're camping up there, and they casually say, "no we're paragliding off the mountain after" LOL!!
googling what my npr hosts look like and being completely wrong in comparison to the image in my head
not getting to wear my gothy shoes to clubs when we travel because they’re not practical and too heavy to pack
social media harassment from un-evolved beings, the spectrum of Alex Jones to Kanye to many many others
that our dog has nightmares
people who set others up for failure then criticize their failings
James explaining time travel plots, crypto, or NFTs to me
notifications, esp that my laptop needs a software update
that one person wins an enormous amount of money in lotto, and that the algorithm is not designed to spread millions amongst many winners
29,000 bits of space trash, satellites, etc that orbit the earth. human beings are an awful species.
when people don’t realize they’re on the same team
packing
that we have to crowdfund to help pay our medical bills in america
progressives splintering from academic liberal critique while the right gets unified :/
mockingbirds outside the window in springtime
the hardships, health concerns, and chaos attached to unplanned pregnancies and abortion laws forcing them to term
when I'm not sure if I donated something or if I lost it ––like not remembering where a piece of luggage went!
watching the uber or lyft car moving super slow on the map
riding in an airplane for anything over two hours
how much the world is invested in their opinions of the private lives of rich celebrities while everything else falls apart
how dark and divided the world feels because the worst of our nature is what sells to ravenous audiences
horror movie scenes
when people do not see where they align with others, and work from hate over love
drought
people who put their poison or prejudice into their children's ear
when nurses can’t find my vein for an IV in the ER
onions
when someone is out of town when you're in town
that to be American is to disassociate on some level or otherwise go insane
litterbugs
the sound of a fly in the house
our terrible system of government, that functions like a bad resentful relationship where nothing changes
going to the emergency room because my autoimmune disease is dumb
crooked pictures
equating skinny with success or happiness
how it became passé to directly communicate
being on hold then being hung up on
full sun
cancellations
when my voice changes because spit is stuck on my vocal cord
anything crawling on me
insomnia
when somebody doesn't "like" something, and they unskillfully shit on it (not everything is designed for you)
mosquito bites
toxic femininity as much as toxic masculinity
when James gets to start eating but I’m occupied with finding something to watch
when I accidentally dial a phone number on the calculator (and I'm waiting for it to ring)
when someone rubs their nose or picks their teeth in conversation and I think I must have something in my nose or on my teeth
when the ceiling fan makes a little crickety sound all of a sudden
cultivators of hate and conflict
how covid precautions wiped out james tattooing for a couple years, then when things got better, a different health problem hit
how we are becoming inured to horrific stories because we are bombarded with them daily (the effects this might have on our ability to empathize)
how I always seem to be looking for my napkin!
that I can’t drink water without spilling the first sip on me
remembering to and changing filters for all the things that need filters in the house and car
not understanding how inflation works
health and fitness people narcissistically trying to be a guru of some kind
going to three different grocery stores to get what everyone in the house likes (including the dog)
remembering how daylight savings time works and calculating whether I'm losing sleep or gaining sleep
grooming (nail clipping, etc)
loud motorcycles that set off a string of car alarms
beeping from a fire alarm battery that needs replacing
when I can feel a pill go down my throat
when a bird poops on me ––even if it’s good luck (three times so far)
parallel parking
when sex or romance between a white couple on tv is set to historically important black music, like Marvin Gaye's "What's Goin On"
doctor misdiagnoses
excessive cancelled flights throughout Covid (James flight being cancelled on the way to Bay Area, and having to scramble for another one at 3am, then his flight cancelled on his return, and he had to sleep at the airport)
being assigned the middle seat on the airplane
riddles
pulling street chicken out of my dog’s mouth
when people back into parking spots while you're waiting but it takes them quite a while
multi-level marketing pyramid schemes and gifting tables ("murder on middle beach" doc)
when windex causes its own kind of smudging
being seated next to a silent couple in a restaurant and knowing they are only hearing our conversation
any kind of car light warning telling me to do something
professionally staged relationship photos that look like catalog ads
NFTs or cryptocurrency
hiccups
when your friend on the phone doesn't realize they can't hear you or you can't hear them
when you are asked to step aside and fill out the address at the post office and all these people come and you have anxiety about returning to the counter, like you're cutting a line
the negative aspects of social media on all of humanity
the last 15 minutes of dissent in an airplane
when James forgets to tell me the gas tank is empty
the rye chips in Chex Mix
waiting for the bathroom at a restaurant
automated voice services. I ALWAYS want to talk to a representative!
when management doesn't put effort into signs they have up (like in the bathroom a warning that the "door doesn't automatically lock behind you" and it's becoming untaped and messed up and handwriting is terrible even tho it's kinda an important message!)
when popsicles get all that icy build up on them
being cold
when there's a heavy sex scene on tv and I am self conscious about my breathing while cuddling, like am I revealing that I'm turned on?
when people leave negative amazon reviews about how it arrived damaged (esp for authors who have nothing to do with the shipping)
structures built by white supremacy
bad tasting baby carrots
when people categorize watching films and documentaries as "watching TV" - big difference
people who do NOT understand fragrance sensitivity and look at you like you're nuts. yes we get migraines from fragrance.
how I drop ice cubes on the floor every time I am putting it in my glass
trying to get the produce baggies open with my fingertips at grocery stores
the seatbelt warning sound
shuffling or dealing cards
willful ignorance
when people choose sides after a break up (not our business, unless they're suddenly violent)
pandemics
accidentally eating my own hair in a food bite
receiving a confirmation email that I've unsubscribed from emails
when the lotion pump doesn’t get all the lotion up from the bottom
events where you have to have a handwritten or any kind of name tag
when mexican restaurants don't have chips
when restaurants have lunch buffets but not dinner buffets
the flu (esp a temperature)
when people talk really loud in inappropriate spaces like a comedy show, movies, concert
when places don't have bathrooms, esp restaurants or teahouses
when restaurants run out of avocado
arriving in a foreign country after long flight and waiting in customs lines
when people are using their cell phones in dark spaces, like concerts, theaters, etc
ear popping when someone has one window rolled down in the car
when people have their break lights on like they are pulling out of a parking spot soon but then just sit there for a really long time
cats, the musical
decorative and excessive bed pillows in hotel rooms
that tipping for a scoop of ice cream is a thing!? they’re barely doing anything And it’s the singular only thing their job requires And it can’t really de done wrong
when it’s unclear when the public bathroom door you’re using is locked cause it’s janky or weird and you just have to put your faith in god
animals who steal from fellow animals to impress a female with their collection (like the fish who steals shells from another fish, penguins who steal rocks from another penguin)
unfindable eyelash in my eye
when djs speed up music (specifically artists that mean a lot to people like Joy Division The Cure) so mainstream people can dance to it
when people talk really loud after you've arrived at the final destination of a hike (some beautiful place you hike to and they fill it with loud conversation)
when I can't get christmas ornaments to hang facing the right direction
when people say they were "homeless" or "poor" when really they were staying with parents
getting up because you forgot something after you just sat down
people at bars pressing against you to order a drink
dishwasher soap residue on glasses
when friends have time for social media but not phone calls
when people have mean dogs and have them off leash or say they’re nice
when people leave their expired garage sale signs up
inaccurate portrayals of molly in film/tv (lookin at u insecure)
band tour dates on back of T-shirts - who cares
when venues don't post set times!!!!
getting the tape to come off evenly from packing tape or any kinda tape
toilets without proper handles, like the circles you push down on
soap holders that are placed right in line of shower water — wasting soap
when people ask “how are you” in a text message
when people leave garage sale signs up
when sale folks follow you around showing you clothing you might like
when people go to the movies really sick and sneeze and cough a lot
reading directions for board games
when an actor plays twins in a film and they use special effects -- too stressed they're going to misalign
when scotch tape isn't aligned and you're trying to get it even
when trampy girls with coors lights are trying to dance to joy division in a sexy way
when people take selfies at inapprpriate places like holocaust memorials
close ups during "dead scenes". I know they're not dead so don't get close up!
when you are trapped in a room with a loud fly
when things are wrapped in that insane plastic packaging that you have to use knives and scissors to get open
a long shot on an actor after they've died. I'm worried I'll see them breathing.
when your touch up paint doesn’t match after it dries
when people respond to birthday wishes on facebook like they're winning an academy award
when you get little soup splats on you when eating soup or when you get a drop of soup on your chin
when blinds are crooked or bent
when people think god or the universe steps in to guide their life without consideration/logic for all those who suffer
getting the duvet cover on the duvet
when all of a sudden it smells farty and you don't want to say anything in case it's them but you don't want to be silent in case they think it's you
that little nugget of dried up lotion that gets pressed out onto your hands
when vegetable pieces are too big in your meal
when you're waiting for the car door to be unlocked
when you can't focus on dinner conversation because you're trying to flag down a waiter for water - cause you really need water
when only one car window is open and you get that air pressure noise
when you sit down to eat and watch tv and you can't find anything to watch so you can't eat yet
when friends call you when they're driving somewhere
audience participation
the birthday song esp if sung to me
when pop stars thank god for their award or success as though a god would intervene for them but then somehow not intervene for countless suffering across the planet
when they bus the tables but don't wipe the seat (and there's crumbs all over it)
christmas music before thanksgiving
when Toki seems to shed year round
cold grocery stores when you're not properly dressed
when you're sharing your phone number or credit card and you're interrupted because they say uhhh huh and you're not sure if they got the last part
when you've just finished the dishes and then turn around and realize there's one more on the stove
people who leave their yard sale signs up after it's over
the coin spot in the car that just fills with dirt and dog hair mixed with useless pennies
pennies
when couples block the entire sidewalk because they want to hold hands
when the escalator is broken and still and you get that disoriented feeling when you take the first step
when you hit the nail incorrectly with the hammer and it makes that noise indicating it ain't going in or you've bent the nail
when people say "college is a waste of time" and only measure it in terms of financial gain or obtaining a job and not education and enrichment.
when the garden hose gets a kink in it and the water stops flowing
when people have inside-joke laughter in your presence
when you pause something on cable and it switches over to the loud cable advertisement announcements
when flies poop on the window
when people cancel an appt or date last minute for non-emergency reasons (we arrange our lives around ya'll)
pilling on sweaters and t-shirts or little tiny holes that appear
when the pump on the lotion bottle won't pump up the last inch or so
when people drag their flip flops when they walk
when you can hear water leaking in the drain when you are in the tub
when you can't get the remaining liquid out of any squirt bottle
when the windshield wiper won't wipe away all the water and leaves marks
adjusting a ceiling fan and having to wait to see what speed it's at
3d movies
g.e. smith
when folks don't rsvp (takes a bit of effort and money to have a dinner so nice to know who is coming)
when the last bite of your meal is a bad (off kilter) one and then you have to take muster another bite in the hopes it counteracts it
watching tourists who record videos of boring stuff I know they'll never watch
broken taste bud on your tongue
when u buy everyone's ticket and they forget to pay u or u gotta ask
little holes that develop in your t-shirts for mysterious reasons
people posting sexy pics of themselves
people who call into NPR and start by asking the host how they're doing
when you're making dinner for someone (not a party but dinner) and they arrive late --timing is very important for cooking
when people behind you sing really loud at a concert...because i've just paid a lot of money to hear the singer sing (exception: neil diamond sweet caroline sing a long)
when too much of the popsicle breaks off into your mouth while you're sucking on it and you get a cold headache
when people are overtly nice to children in front of others but not as kind to adults
that wnyc plays the jonathan schwartz show all day sat and sun. i like him but not for that many hours.
when a ball rolls toward me from the field and I feel like I have to return it even though I have no skills...so I get nervous
people using facebook as their friendships
balloons
when i take a sip of soup or a noodle bowl and a little drop spills on my chin
when people don't let folks know that their address has changed
when i burn my tongue on food because i was lame and didn't let the food sit for a bit
Hummers and huge SUVs
anything involving styrofoam
when gangs dance in musicals. i want it to be that kind of world but gangs just don't dance
when girls sit on their boyfriends shoulders at concerts
when u handle the money at a dinner but the bill comes up short so u gotta put in more or ask for more money
weak hand shakers --esp when girls use a weak handshake
people who have parties in moving vehicles and yell out the window at you
wires behind the tv set
when a full bottle of white-out turns gummy or it doesn't properly adhere to the page
eating and coming across something that tastes like sand or dirt
automatic anything: toilets, sinks, paper towels.
jet lag
when you are drinking from a glass that has ice in it and all the ice comes rushing forward and the water dumps out on you
when i have accidentally cut in front of people in line (not knowing). i hate it when i discover i've done that.
people who smoke and walk. it sucks because you can't get away from the smoke. and they will unknowingly ash on you.
incense of any kind
girls who have dated friends and befriend me while with them, but then disappear when they are broken up with
leaving something behind in the apartment that i needed to take
when my buttcheeks feel misaligned
trying to get the fitted sheet on the bed. i never pick the right side to put on first. or having to fold one.
when the aluminum foil completely unravels and i try to roll it back up and it's a crinkled mess
anonymous flame wars or verbally violent comments on the internet, especially on youtube
when people offer help in some way or offer to do something, but they don't follow through, and then you feel like a jerk for asking
when people use their kid's face as their profile photo
moving (forever hiring movers)
negative transferal of energy (a common thing on the subway)
the little piece that detaches itself and sticks to you from the handles of plastic grocery bags
un-scooped dog remains
people on their cellphones in quiet places with other people
people texting while driving or when you're in conversation with them
when someone behind you honks at the person in front of you, but you're the one who gets blamed
the sound of a small broken piece that has fallen into (what seems like) every remote control and rattles.
misunderstandings
dogs that head for your crotch
when someone doesn't feel like finishing a game because they're losing
spitting
tall dudes not looking around themselves when they're standing in front of short girls at a concert
when people clip their nails on the subway train
those turn style door entries at the subway station
when little hairs connect to that back of my t-shirts and tickle my arm
people who are looking at their phone a lot when they're with you but don't mention why they are (to at least point out that they're conscious that they're doing it)
extremists in anything
honking
when cars enter the crosswalk when you are in it
PERFUME
the sound of pencil to paper
people who arrogantly say: i don't watch tv
dirty dishes and wet sponges left in the sink all wet
loud music in restaurants or bars
overcrowded classrooms
sexy halloween costumes
people who walk in late to movie theaters and stand in the aisles looking for their seat
when your voice echoes on the cell phone back at you
spam and junk mail
tabloids displaying children as accessories
watching ice skating...I get so nervous
when waiters don't write down the order (creates unnecessary anxiety) and then even worse if they mess up the order
when the little ticket is left on your windshield from the parking garage (and I keep forgetting to take it off)
when I think "this american life" is coming on nrp and then turns out to be "prairie home companion"
sweeping generalizations
when one person wins an absurd amount of money in the lottery (vs it being like 10 people)
when people don't wear face masks on the plane etc when they're sick
when people are taking your email or phone number over the phone but interrupt as they are writing to say something and then you're not sure if they got it right

apr 11 2006 ∞
dec 12 2024 +