2014:

• How you gonna shiv if you don't have a shiv? --(l)
• Damn this quantum algorithms book is always on my underpants! --(l)
• Flu boob still counts. --(l)
• Do you want ass man or boob man on your gravestone? --(l)
• You're only allowed to say exo-skeleton one time per day. --(l)
• They musta been into it. --(a)
• I'm lucky, I've never been smashed in the rear. --(l)
• I'm naked and I need soap. --(l)
• Sphere of Influence (new euphemism for bathroom smells)
• I have to poop and then I'll make you a sandwich. -- (a)

2013:

• While watching movies last night with my dad, he used the word "hanky panky" instead of "sex". I realized he still sees me as a little girl. --(l)
• Musically, if it has the word "dub" in it, I probably won't like it. --(l)
• I took a multi-vitamin with doughnuts this morning. --(l)
• I think Toki's butt just sighed. --(l)
• When you work out to "straight outta Compton" by NWA it makes you go so much harder cuz you get so angry at the police. --(l)
• Someone needs to take this chocolate cake from me. --(l)
• You have a bunny heart. --(a)
• I threw it away...into my face. --(a) (excuses as to where my cookies went)
• It depends whose balls we're talking about. --(l)
• First of all, don't ever point out new subway sandwiches to me. --(a)

2012:

• My body loosely interprets my nightgown. --(l)
• I'm a programmer which affords me certain leniencies with how I dress. --(a)
• I'm only complaining because my butt feels like a dump truck. --(a)
• Don't say cryptography layer to me before noon. --(l)
• I'm thinking of renaming my band to Time Molecule. --(a)
• You know subatomic particles don't exist right. --(a)
• I got my drone down to 27 minutes. --(a)
• Don't touch that. It might be a sex glove. --(a)
• I want to be more close to you, genitally. --(a)
• I'm more Whitesnake and she's Wham. --(a)
• I am currently not accepting new information. --(l)
• you're like those victorian women who would land on the each with all those crates of clothing and things. --(a)
• When I'm on vacation I try to keep my pants off as much as possible! --(a)
• Please sir, no more Suntory times. --(l)
• We have a permanent relationship solution. --(a)
• Animals get so mad sometimes. --(l)

2011:

• I may have drawn a bad tomato, but you've pooped in front of people in Africa. --(l to r)
• I didn't make my resolutions list. I guess I'll just use mine from last year. --(a)
• My style has a fever. Yours has a cold. --(l)
• Being with you is like being alone sometimes, only if I choke, you'll be there to perform the heimlich maneuver. --(l)
• Our relationship just keeps going on and on and on and on. --(l)
• I know how I'd kill myself. How? I'm not gonna tell you. I want it to be a surprise. --(a while discussing Eliot Smith)
• Just throw em at a hobo on the street --(a) pennies bag
• I feel like I'm driving a couch! --(a)
• That's what I'm naming my band: Soul Reason
• That's how I know I love you so much because I want to spend Armageddon with you -- (a)
• I left my baby on the side of the road song
• I can't believe my f'ing stapler didn't come with staples and I bought it at Staples!!! -- (a)

2010:

• That's what happens when you go to sleep thinking about dogs and calculus. -- (a)
• Do they give away scholarships for being awesome? --(a)
• I misheard Adam and thought it was called a beef string --(l)
• One of these days I'm going to accidentally take my D4 die instead of my vitamin. --(a reaching into his pockets)
• Well Steven Merritt taught you something about yourself. --(l)
• Your piper woke me up at the gates of dawn. --(a/l)
• The problem isn't that I see algebra everywhere...the problem is that there is algebra everywhere. --(a)
• I notice you're not taking notes in your book (a referring to my reading of twilight). no, I just fold over the pages where I have orgasms. --(l)
• You're not allowed to rick-roll me in bed --(a)
• Stay inside the car --(a when a couple who looked like us were getting out of their car on vacation too)
• Let's have a rock fight --(l)
• I need you to be sane when I'm insane --(bored to death)
• If I can convince enough people to give me $3 then I wouldn't have to work. --(a)
• Listen carefully. If something happens to me I need you to get this file of my orbital diagrams to someone important. --(a)
• I just tried to make a phone call thru the calculator app. --(l & the new iphone)
• You're suppose to be working on Listography. Not powers of two!!! --(l)
• That'll show how awesome I was when I'm gone. --(a)
• I'm not a child. I'm a spirit walker. --(a)
• proctor once said a good synth sound will slice your head off. well, my synth sound last night sliced me in half. --(a)
• what kind of silence of the lambs shit is this? --(l referring to adam's hanging tea bag)
• i don't want to turn into a mathematical dick --(a)
• you guys left an unsupervised drone in your room --(l)
• we're going to watch each other die --(l)
• some men when they have mid-life crises buy expensive cars, but not me, i read math books --(a)
• you need to get a job with people around you --(l)
• i'd wonder what a world of CIA lisa's would look like --(a)
• i have to stop kissing you to conserve lip balm --(a before bed)
• i feel kinda sorry for them because they don't know me yet but i also feel excited for them for the day they get to know me --(a referring to his heroes byrne and eno)

2009:

• calm down --(l).
• i just chalk it up to god talking to me --(a).
• if it were up to you, the internet would look like a fisher price telephone --(a).
• i can't watch chimps while i'm eating --(a).
• i don't suppose you know about vector pads --(a).
• yes i am cleaning my listography (l). yes i am chest bumping this rubik's cube (a).
• put your bangs back. stop messing with me! --(l)
• when a programmer learns they can program society, well that's when they become a wizard --(a)
• from now on, call me baby carrot --(l)
• you can touch me, but i'm going to sleep --(a)
• you could always do "seniors got talent" --(a)
• she brushes his pony tail?! that just made me sick a little. --(l)
• it's not that you use twitter. it's that you read me ryan seacrest's twitters. --(l)
• you're invited but your beard is not --(l)
  • the beard reactions game where i subtly look at adam and respond to his beard: shock, crying, horror, sickness, insult, fear, growling, etc
• you cannot have sex with other people just because you don't like my haircut --(a)
• it's bad enough to watch someone play streetfighter, but to watch your boyfriend watch someone else play streefighter because he's too scared to play against them...that's humiliating --(l at the chinatown arcade)

2008

• my bloody valentine does not have a flautist! --(l)
• can you get cancer from a rainbow? --(l)
• you in that hat doesn't make me have hope, it makes me wanna move out --(l)
• i'll use geometry to break your arm (a)
• are we sharing a room with somebody? what i'm trying to figure out is if i need to bring something to cover my nuts with. --(a, as we're getting ready to head to rob's wedding at cabins.)
• that is so korean of you! to take something and re-appropriate its use as something else. --(a) referring to me:
  • using a wrist mousepad as an elbow rest
  • using the planter as a catlitter scooper holder
  • using a door threshold as a shower water blocker
  • using glasses as bathroom supply holders
• i don't know what you're here for, but i'm here to eat, have sex, make software, sleep, do yoga, make art, drink, meditate and play music --(a, adam's revelation after waking up at 11am on a 70 degree saturday morning and me wanting to be lazy in bed)
• your haircut makes god sad a little --(l, on adam's insistence to cut his own hair)
• now that i'm finally mentally and emotionally healthy, i can figure out what's wrong with you. i'm honing in on something. --(a)
• you love to steal my jokes --(l) well then, don't leave them out in the open --(a)
• boxers don't have sex before the fight --(l) yeah, but software engineers do --(a)
• everybody has such wide necked shirts in the future --(a, while watching the matrix)
• my face is purely for other people to look at --(a, when i was frustrated with his winter beard)
• lisa, this song makes me love you more --(a)
• i'm going to spend my whole life telling computers what to do --(a)
• only you would download the entire christopher cross album and not just the hits --(l)
• i've wanted to start a new religion for a long time, i just have too many projects right now --(a)

2007:

• (referring to myspace) "humans are turning into computers. i just didn't expect that they'd turn into computer sluts" --(a)
• "we don't go on dates, more like scrimmages" --(a)
• "it's a good night to sail a mattress" --(a, to liane referring to driving with our mattress on her car roof through the east village)
• "there will be no fist pumping in the street" --(l)
• "when i ordered you, i did not order you with a beard!" --(l)
• "there are things you came with that weren't in the catalogue either!" --(a)
• "i love old men because their penises are useless" --(l)
• "going on job interviews is fun, it's like being on Inside the Actor's Studio" --(l)
• "do you want to be in the caboose on the adam train or the luxury car?" --(a)
• "just because you've had a fruit shake and a cliff bar, doesn't mean you can save people" --(l)
• "what's wrong with you?" --(a)
• "you know what your problem is?" --my favorite thing to say to adam
• there could be pubes in there and you wouldn't even notice --(a)
• looks like your pimp put his cigarette out on you --(a, referring to my mole being removed)
• have you been reading a book about blow jobs? --(l)
• how do you know that turd wasn't left specifically for you? --(l)
• if there are multi-universes, i hope there is one where i'm not sitting on this couch with you --(l, while discussing god over homemade breakfast burritos)
• the most effective way to show love is through blow jobs --(a)
• i am so lost in this show. i just like to sit and watch the pretty pictures. --(a, referring to heroes)
• i showed you the path and the room and opened the door to the room and wrote the answer on the chalk board. you just read it. --(l)
• i love you. i just remembered. --(a, while standing on a street corner together)
• if i ever meet someone who is slightly bigger than me, i'm going to have tons of clothes for them. --(a)
• are we going to connect on all levels now? --(l)
• you never know, there might be a time when i need to send someone a chocolate computer. --(a)
• i can't believe i never thought of this before. i just weighed myself before and after i pooped. --(a)
• past adam is soooooo funny to present adam --(l, commenting on adam reading this and laughing)
• maybe this will cheer you up: guess how much my poop weighed this morning! --(a)
• we need to pick up condoms so we can fuck each other --(a)
• i would totally make fun of you for having hiccups right now but then i'll get them...so consider yourself made fun of --(a)
• your shirt so wants to wear george clooney's shirt --(l)
• there's a german spider in the bathroom and i need you to come take it out of here --(l) what does it look like? --(a) it has blonde hair and blue eyes --(l)

my moustache quotes:

• your mustache is shorter on one side. a's response: i think it's an optical illusion.
• when it gets to a point that i can lift myself up by your mustache, something is wrong.
• your mustache is not suppose to be abstract art.
• not only do you look like john waters' but you feel like him.
• you can't have a beard and a mustache at the same time. you must choose.
• do you accidentally want to look like hitler?

2006:

• I haven't the foggiest idea on how to rap. --(a)
• if you see one it's too late --(a, talking about the snapping turtle)
• don't think about it (his penis). it's like satan, if you think of it...it only gives it power --(a)
• one thing that shouldn't happen in this house is the sound of your voice over Oprah's --(l)
• I can't believe I'm still waiting here for you to stop laughing at how funny you are. --(l to a)
• "i love to shred my mind, and better yet...unshred it" --(a)
• SHOW ME ANOTHER CAT IN A SINK!! --(a)
• your music makes me feel like i'm in a microwave --(l)
• that is not math. that's arithmetic. arithmetic is not math! --(a)
• you not getting milk when we need it is your worst quality --(a)
• smell my armpits --(a)
• i know this is a reality i created because i'm the one not working full time (l)
• i am not leaving until every single person here likes me --(l)
• do reptiles have penises & vaginas? --(a)
• i'm not god, i just know how he thinks --(a)
• all you do is reorganize your to do list all day --(a)
• stop it...i want to remain at least a little bit attracted to you --(a, referring to me singing phil collins songs)
• your friends can come over and ask for emotional help from you but they at least have to bring us dinner --(a)
• don't pull the trigger unless you have the target in site --(a, when one of my jokes falls flat)
• i'm done staring at this screen for today. time to stare at a different screen. --(l)
• god wouldn't put it there if it wasn't hot!! --(a, referring to my cellulite, god bless him)
• i love this cigarette but it keeps ending --(l)
• success. we blew the speakers. i peed in the backyard.
• someone left their nunchaks here. --(a after our party)

IN GENERAL:

lisa:

• oh shoot i'm doing video
• i don't know how to use this
• i don't get it
• can you come in here a sec

adam:

• the interface sucks on this
• nothing goes with these pants
• i'm gonna go do my yogas
• i'm gonna go to bed and read (falls asleep)
• i gotta take a picture of this meal