It's been rough working with Jade lately. She's been so hot and cold with me. I'm happy that we've only kissed. I couldn't imagine sleeping with her and then her being this ruthless with my beating heart.

I've never known a girl like her before. She just gets it. She's different from anyone else I've known. She doesn't try to be someone she's not. I know she's still hurting over her latest ex but day by day she's been opening up to me. To me! I feel like the luckiest guy to even have half of her thoughts and dreams rattling inside my head. She trusts me that much. I don't want to hurt her. She deserves better than that.

I love going to work and seeing her smile at something I've said. Or hearing her laugh. God, I'm pathetic. My heart is beating way too fast just sitting next to her. We're both fully clothed and working. Bloody hell, I shouldn't feel like this right now.

It's been so long since I've let a girl into my heart. Jade definitely has won it. I don't think she even knows how much she already means to me. I tried not to get attached but here we are.

Jade looked over at Kipp. A smile played at his handsome features. A pen in his strong grip. His knuckles turning white. He was scribbling something into a dark leather book. To Jade it looked like a journal of sorts. An expensive one at that. She wondered what he was writing. If he was any good.

Of course writing for pleasure and writing for a job was way different. Much more personal. People appreciated your real words way more. It was a shame that everyone couldn't get paid for saying or writing what they really wanted to share. Jade looked down at the project she was editing for spelling errors and other mistakes. All the words blurred together. Jade sighed.

"You too?" Kipp asked. He was obvious to the real reason she sighed. Kipp got up and massaged her back. Jade stretched out her hands onto the desk so that he could really get in there.

She really enjoyed their time together. She just didn't want things to end before they even began. She was scared. Her wounds of a love lost still shown on her. She felt ready to try again. But things had a way of making her wait. She was scared that she might love Kipp more than originally planned. How would it be if they had a relationship and then it died? Would he leave? Would she? Things could only get more complicated. Jade felt that she could never have what she truly wanted. This breakup changed her. He wasn't the first guy she ever dated. But he was the first one to really win her heart. It was when she wasn't looking for love or anything, really. And then he came around. It didn't help that she remembered every little and big thing about him. Everything they shared. How he was the first to say those three words - I love you. It literally shattered her. It killed her to the core when things went down the drain. When they didn't talk for months on end. It feels like years have passed and Jade still thinks about him. How he was her first true love and also the one that got away. It fuc.king shattered her. It is worse enough that she has dreamed of him on several occasions. About their future together or lack of one. It hurts knowing that she compares guys to him. Even Kipp has been compared. It hurts.

It Fu.cking Hurts.

"Oh, sorry" Kipp commented.

"No, it's ok" Jade said. She didn't mean to lash out and say those three words. If she could say any three words to Kipp.. it would be "I love you" or "I'm feeling things" or something like that to him. Kipp deserves her love. She needs to tell him that one day. She just wasn't ready to share that part of herself with him today. He really is such a great guy. She knew he'd be romantic, knew that he'd understand what she was feeling. But Jade remained closed off. Don't be like Jade.