be thinner.

• drink more water.
• exercise at least 5 times a week.
• severely limit carbs and junk food.

look better.

• get tantantan.
• change my hair - cut, color, style, whatever.
• clearer skin / better makeup.
• better wardrobe.

& redecorate my room.

• clean out everything.
• pull up the carpet for wood flooring.
• stain my furniture.
• repaint the walls.
• buy a new bedspread.

i wish i had as much determination during the day as i do at night.

• like we used to; a rocket to the moon.
• your love is my drug; kesha.
• she's so lovely; scouting for girls.
• kill! kill! kill!; the pierces.
• she's got you high; mumm-ra.
• ultraviolet; the stiff dylans.
• breakeven; the script.
• jessie's girl; preferably the glee version.
• lights on; the pierces.
• toothpaste kisses; the maccabees.
• if the moon fell down tonight; chase coy.
• your song; kate walsh.
• this is not the end; the bravery.

• graduating high school.
• doing a semester/summer of "study abroad" in either england or new zealand.
• finally getting to go on a road trip.
• my 18th & 21st birthdays.
• visiting my friends in new hampshire.
• getting over my fears.
• finding a boy that never leaves me bored.
• warped tour with dylan and angie.
• getting an apartment, preferably with roommates.
• the day i get the patience to learn an instrument and/or a foreign language.
• the rest of my life.

• one night when i was really little, my nana was spending the night at our house. i had already gone to sleep, but i was awoken later to some kind of noise. i went downstairs and saw my nana on the ground with my mom, my dad, and firemen surrounding her. i asked what was going on and they told me to go to sleep. i did and she died the next day. nobody remembers me ever going downstairs.
• in elementary school, i was playing kickball with some other kids. i'd probably said something insulting to another kid and when i ran to second base, he threw a ball at me and i was out. he said, "how do you like them apples?" and, as i walked off the field, i yelled, "i don't even like apples!" probably the worst comeback i've ever come up with.
• every single day of 7th grade. i can't remember even one happy memory from that ye...

• the first crack of thunder before a rainstorm starts.
• rainstorms themselves.
• the sound a keyboard makes, especially when you type really fast.
• wilson's meow. (even though he's fat and almost 5 years old, he still sounds like a kitten.)
• drumming your fingernails against a hard surface.
• the tuning of an acoustic guitar.
• tap dancing.
• laughter.
• the timer going off when you just made brownies.
• fire alarms during a drill - i find them exciting.
• whispers.
• bacon when it's being cooked.
• high heels on hard floor.
• ceiling fans on high.

• erick ruutila.
• kevin brochu.
• chris hammond.
• ethan snow.
• aaron davis.
• william delph.
• anthony montefusco.
• troy lovecky.
• mike gendron.
• taylor jorgensen.
• nick edmunds.
• dean campbell.
• dylan murphy.
• benn's friend darren.
• matt marcolini.
• wesley loughrie.
• mr. thoreson.
• howie gates.
• charlie hughes.
• trevor windsor.
• zach robertson.

pretty much every relationship i've had has been a tragedy.

• e; my first "boyfriend". even though it was in 1st/2nd grade, i'm counting it because it ended tragically and it adds a bit of humor to this list. he went to a girl's birthday party and i received a phone call telling me he'd married her. i cried and i believe i slammed a book on his desk the following day when we "broke up".
• b; my first kiss & first relationship. not only was my first kiss wasted on a truth or dare game, but our relationship never even really ended. he picked up and moved without telling me. i found out by calling him and being met with a disconnected phone.
• m; my most dysfunctional relationship, if you can even call it that. he really only ever called me when he wanted something and i always fell for it because i found...