• writing a loooooot... Getting close to finally finishing the story
  • playing a lot of sims
aug 25 2014 ∞
aug 25 2014 +
  • you being awfully pretty in that pic
  • writing a bit
  • having enough energy to do things (go to town to the bank, go get water)
  • talking to dad on the phone
  • calling for pica who was on the terrace and her coming to love meeeee
  • deciding to order natural thyroid meds from the usa... I'm good on the levo but it makes dp/dr awful, so this could be a really good change!
aug 21 2014 ∞
aug 21 2014 +
  • did lots of stuff (laundry, cleaning, harvesting, watering, putting the rest of the pumpkin in the freezer)
  • turned a bad day (woke up unreal+bad thyroid) into a productive one
  • reading 'the brothers karamazov'... Zosima's advice, oh
  • being more attentive with the people around me
  • paris' little kittens <3
  • 'good will hunting'... how the movies i need keep finding me
aug 12 2014 ∞
aug 12 2014 +
  • managed to do the full meditation
  • writing
  • watching black books
  • having an appetite T_T i missed this, kind of
  • listening to TNPS and pure reason revolution
  • toil toil- prepared the elder fruits for the jam
  • jumpingjacktrash's tumblr... ah i missed this
  • returning to my old blog
aug 8 2014 ∞
aug 8 2014 +
  • working on my story
  • everything is illuminated
  • listening to blackfield
  • coming home
  • making resolutions for recovery
  • discovering astrology!! (dominant planet, sign and element. i have mars, gemini and air. fitting!)
aug 7 2014 ∞
aug 7 2014 +
  • almost finishing writing chapter 3 of story
  • finishing a mandala
  • baking muffins
  • daughter and birdy
  • talking to adina

bad day. I think it's the bad weather and pms because i've been feeling terribly unreal, and restless, and angry about insomnia, and sad because of my friend again. I feel like i'm losing it but hopefully it will end in a positive change

jul 18 2014 ∞
jul 18 2014 +
  • watching gilmore girls all night (couldn't sleep)
  • managing to study even if i was a zombie all day
  • genesis/grimes
  • letter from andreea
  • going outside after two days of constant study
  • shopping with tatiana & talking about things

one more day to study the fun stuff~~~~~~ i am proud of myself for focusing

jun 19 2014 ∞
jun 19 2014 +
  • recessional/vienna teng (the most beautiful)
  • nothing without you/vienna teng
  • moon and moon/bat for lashes
  • skin/grimes
  • sparks/royksopp
  • good worker/iamamiwhoami
jun 17 2014 ∞
jun 17 2014 +
  • on the esplanade/ julian plenti
  • going to the botanical garden with tatiana to study
  • taking a dip in the river, aaa
  • the magical amethyst <3
  • writig a huge poem about all the feelings, can't believe how cathartic it was

had a meltdown about being a loser and got over it and now i am exhausted

jun 11 2014 ∞
jun 11 2014 +
  • having breakfast outside before leaving for school
  • friendly kit sitting in my lap
  • pillless nap again
  • seeing the baby kittens in the campus! and a cute person taking care of them <3
  • reading outside... grass having grown, being more comfy to sit in
  • another kitty coming around
  • eating healthy
  • finding someone from bucharest with dpdr
  • cleaning the room in a fit of fury... i guess. it was productive! ive never been this angry u.u

worse unreal day, but better health day~

jun 7 2014 ∞
jun 7 2014 +
  • realizing things! (that the worsened depersonalization might be related to the thyroid meds i'm taking)
  • watching gilmore girls
  • talking to mom (she is very encouragig and put me in a better mood ~)
  • exploring music on youtube and finding nice things... aaah <3
  • loud pipes/ ratatat

bad-bad thyroid day, couldn't go to courses :(

jun 4 2014 ∞
jun 5 2014 +
  • spending time with friends
  • not pretending
  • little cream soda/ the white stripes
  • working on a school project (well done)
  • keeping distracted
  • delicious fries (in coconut oil with cheese and garlic powder and tomatoes)
  • being alone and listening to loud music yesss
  • the white stripes

i only ate processed foods all day and therefore feel hyper and bad but it was good food ~~~ health was bad but mood was pretty good!

may 31 2014 ∞
may 31 2014 +
  • making a happy songs playlist (300/7000, haha ._.)
  • cleaning the place
  • cooking (rice with peas/ mini biscuit cakes with raw vegan chocolate cream and banana omg)
  • distracting myself instead of breaking down
  • talking a lot with tatiana

keeping distracted ~~~~

may 29 2014 ∞
may 29 2014 +
  • not feeling very bad during train trip
  • beautiful mountains T.T
  • meeting a nice person (irina)
  • people being generally nice
  • meeting a cute twenty-year old cat T.T
  • talking openly about things, i suppose

i had to meet four new people after eleven-hour train trip, which usually leaves me unable to even take a taxi home without having an attack... it was hard and i guess i couldn't really pretend i was ok and they noticed, but it's ok. also i had a fight with my friend and confessed things and maybe its time to let go,so... that's ok too? I guess*_*

may 26 2014 ∞
may 26 2014 +
  • talking to mom and salvaging plans
  • walk to camin xii& sitting by the river
  • reading about atlantis... i have no words T___T
  • rereading the cute bel and galley parts from the boat trolls rp
  • meeting with hospital friends again T_T it felt so cute
  • finding nice black jeans
  • fries in coconut oil& tzatziki sauce
  • rly cute guy in kitchen T_T (being regrettably bossed around by his gf)
  • cute messages from Adina

wow this is not a very good health day, but maybe i'm fixing it with some coconut oil and lots of sleep. also felt like i want to disappear and not face people again. also been Decided! i...guess?

may 22 2014 ∞
may 22 2014 +
  • reading Eliot and understanding more than I did last year!
  • keeping myself distracted through bad times- cooking
  • finding out that my iron levels are back to normal ~.~
  • reading 'chemarea atlantilor'
  • sun-san
  • a really nice transmission <3
may 20 2014 ∞
may 20 2014 +
  • rain
  • much rain
  • trip to the market! strawberries have cheapened!
  • gave extra money to an old lady... actually that was sad but i did a good thing
  • listening to Phoenix
  • discovering the humanstuck boat trolls rp!
  • browsing my tumblr archive and rediscovering this site
  • feeling (physically) better, no more dizzyness, can go outside and walk around more
may 17 2014 ∞
may 17 2014 +
  • Death and all his friends by Coldplay - it sounds like the kind of song that could save someone's life, one day. Helped me today
  • my Geography teacher triggering curiosity again- http://remerra.blogspot.ro/2011/07/fenom... learning to view the latest changes in my life (very bad depersonalization/derealization, bad depression, not standing meat anymore) as consequences of cosmic, larger-scale events
  • deciding to finally see a therapist... I think (I don't know if I'll find someone who knows about my disorder)
  • In my veins by Andrew Belle, beautiful song
  • this

I also think it's necessary to go to Iasi at college; urban environment and walls is not what I need, and I need to be able to come home often.

apr 26 2013 ∞
apr 26 2013 +
  • one day since I posted the kit for adoption and already 3 people wanted her! I found her someone very nice, I think
  • listening to T.S. Eliot poetry read by himself (like a mantra)
  • deciding to participate to the literary debut contest, first time
apr 24 2013 ∞
apr 24 2013 +
  • warm, sunny day
  • working outside (I planted things and raked soil lumps)
  • taking pictures of kits
  • first day when tulips bloomed
  • falling asleep easily in the afternoon
  • rereading the fourth part of The Cold So..., amazing
  • discovering Kraftwerk- those guys were pretty amazing, and the atmosphere of their songs attracts me, for some reason
  • starting a new fanfic (I wrote a 3000-word first chapter and am pretty content with it)
  • The Depth of Self-Delusion from Riverside- they are coming in fucking Iasi on the 25th of May and I have prom on the 24th...

Yay spring!

apr 20 2013 ∞
apr 20 2013 +
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  • reading haven't read a book in ages. Some fanfiction was welcomed, though- the funny kind and also some pwp (well, it did have a plot, but I didn't quite care) that I abandoned when it got too angsty. I've started a book about food from the Cotidianul small editions and also A study in scarlet from the Sherlock Holmes stories, though.
  • watching well, I've watched The Reichenbach Fall on Monday and it accounted for an entire week of feels. It was extraordinary, quite extraordinary. Then I watched the pilot episode, then I re-watched the first two episodes carefully and it's almost like watching for the first time because details.
  • hearing many things. Crystal Castles, Brothers in arms /Dire Straits, Green Valley /Puscifer, A punchup at a wedding /Radiohead, Layla /Eric Clapton, Of a lifetime /Crippled Black Phoenix
  • dreaming about
    • Sherlock and John reuniting in season 3. I imagine there will be shouting, cursing, angst and hopefully punches and a koala hug.
    • any other things Sherlock-related
feb 17 2013 ∞
feb 17 2013 +
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  • reading still Game of Thrones. It's fun because it's like fanfiction for the show (that's mean, I know) and because I'm reading in on the phone. Why are things more interesting when not read on paper?>.> Also, I'm suffering from withdrawal from what seems to be a Perfect Death Note Slash Fanfic which didn't get updated ;_;
  • watching SHERLOCK! (all in one weekend...)
  • hearing Metric <3, new fun Fall Out Boy song (My songs know what you did in the dark) , new IAMX song (I come with knives) which I'm not sure about
  • dreaming of getting to national contest at psychology and getting to see Baia Mare again!(my favourite romanian city until now) Then, of moving there when I grow up. At nighttime, I dreamt I was in the catholic church in my village, we were all taking a test about what we strive for/what our future will be, and my result was Conscience (Awareness). Also of throwing a birthday party where people only came from obligation and watched Korra with me before me...
feb 10 2013 ∞
feb 10 2013 +
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Lovely idea taken from Andreea who took it from another blog and I kind of need to restart paying attention to small pretty things not to go completely nuts.

  • reading Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
  • re-watching random ATLA episodes
  • hearing ATLA soundtrack, Phaeleh, Beyond the Invisible/Enigma, Dave Gahan
  • dreaming about Iasi, my fanfic
  • highlight was talking to dad and getting my head out of depression, if only a bit
  • picture shows lovely lookable sun because of fog which looked brilliant in reality
  • chosen because I liked that day
feb 3 2013 ∞
feb 3 2013 +
  • being distracted by much schoolwork- it's so silly how i'm satisfied with doing something just useless as long as it keeps me busy
  • playing Dreamfall (!)
  • mulled wine (inspired by Theoretically Blind Bob from the game :3)
dec 11 2012 ∞
dec 11 2012 +
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  • dreamfall: the longest journey
  • taking bath with the lights off (the candle went out and snowy sky gave a bit of light), I love water, it makes me feel timeless and spaceless and it's beautiful
  • don't forget he is going to defeat his shadow/aesthesys

Planets aligned, we're going through a shift of consciousness, things are changing like hell. Recently there's something going on with many people I know. My geography teacher said: hey, we don't have to worry, we're immortal. I hope what I'm going through is a phase related to these changes. A six year old, ten year old phase, just let it be transitory. Thank you.

dec 9 2012 ∞
dec 9 2012 +
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That certain mood.

nov 30 2012 ∞
nov 30 2012 +
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  • the trees were mistaken/ andrew bird
  • rewatching The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya- AWESOME (this time in chronological order and dubbed in english)
nov 27 2012 ∞
nov 29 2012 +
  • busy day at school
  • dad apologizing for their little conflicts
  • lovecats/the cure for energytimes and the last day of summer/the cure for... everything else (wonderful, wonderful song)
  • lovely friend to love

I'd opened this being sure I wouldn't have what to write. Today I am too dizzy to be alive.

nov 21 2012 ∞
nov 21 2012 +
  • mood for funny- 'The government totally sucks' in the morning, then laughing like mad at english and french
  • rediscovering Of physics and chemistry by nilahxapiel- I am not guilty
  • ... actually getting some stuff done in the afternoon?

I am depressed and everything else is very bad. Thinking of not going to that festivity on saturday. And other things. Still don't have internet, only on my sister's laptop. Uhm.

nov 20 2012 ∞
nov 20 2012 +
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  • Roger Waters concert frenzy
  • school finished 2 hours earlier
  • shopping with my sister in Real
  • discovered the C&A shop and bought some ABSOLUTELY AWESOME clothes
  • foggy evening
nov 16 2012 ∞
nov 18 2012 +
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  • my dr got a bit better
  • dissemination went okay
  • afternoon nap
  • positive feedback for story
  • worked a lot on my english dissertation (i'm exhausted, but it was fun)
nov 15 2012 ∞
nov 15 2012 +
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  • Roger Waters coming to Bucharest with The Wall! I almost cried.
  • starting a story on that idea i had; right after, receiving a confirmation message :33
  • Crystal Castles
  • Leif Erikson/Interpol

;; I feel too bad to even be aware of it.

nov 9 2012 ∞
nov 9 2012 +
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  • being myself because depression leaves me unmotivated to pretend
  • skipping Geography class in favour of walk in the park (lovely Autumn) and awesome food
  • long talks with C (this time, it actually helped; and perhaps we even got to a conclusion)
  • new Crystal Castles album (so awesome&fitting the mood)
nov 8 2012 ∞
nov 8 2012 +
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  • going to the swimming pool after school
  • found out I'll receive a lot of money as a reward for the international contest i took part in last year (imagine if that happened when i actually cared about clothes and stuff, haha. will probably save them for concerts, travelling and who knows what more)
  • tending my tumblr
  • all the feels http://www.christoferjames.com
nov 5 2012 ∞
nov 8 2012 +
  • took care of the beans, harvested some other beans, sliced the bell peppers and put them in the freezer, watered the still live bell peppers
  • reading the brothers karamazov... I love it!
  • reading outside on the grass
  • writing. I only have the ending left to write. Gonna miss this :(
  • going through a bad day and getting out alive
  • finished studying the sun signs
  • uploading pics on 365project
  • talking to adina
  • talking to cris... Asdfjmk.

productive day, today...and there are so many things i wanna do but time is so fast ~

aug 25 2014 ∞
aug 25 2014 +
  • cooking (dovlecei <3)
  • turning a feel very bad day into a good one (wouldn't have normally did this)
  • going out with andreea
  • lovely rain
  • buying recipe books T_T
  • the park in evening and the dog who kept following us
  • satin in a coffin/modest mouse:3
  • watching rebelde way x.x
aug 21 2014 ∞
aug 21 2014 +
  • learning astrology!!
  • talking to adina and interpreting her astro chart:3
  • enjoying food ^^ and sweets
  • going shopping with diana
  • playing sims!!
aug 13 2014 ∞
aug 14 2014 +
  • cooked lots- pumpkin pie, dovlecei cu rosii, omelette
  • watching divergent with diana
  • finishing 'everything is illuminated'
  • trying to re-connect
  • staying positive
  • FULL MOON. T.T i cannot remove myself from this window!
aug 10 2014 ∞
aug 10 2014 +
  • respect her decision, now that i finally know. VERY IMPORTANT. let her go.
  • accept this unreality. it is part of me. i will be whole again
  • envision ideal self: healthy. "all these medications abound, but you're not sick, and you will make it". don't reinforce the symptoms by believing that i am sick. i am getting better.
  • start from giving meaning to every day, and appreciating what good things i have done until now. don't get depressed when i am too fatigued to do anything, and don't be influenced by how others don't get it. sit in bed, lie down on the grass, pet the kits, watch something nice, take a nap and keep going.
  • meditate daily again and exercise 5-10 mins
  • try to go out at least once every week, even if i feel bad. find reasons to.
aug 7 2014 ∞
aug 8 2014 +
  • pretty good meditation
  • playing outside with diana
  • managing to nap a bit!
  • finishing ch3
  • and working on the weird ass monument story too
  • being outside. nature is amazing

still unreal as hell but today was better, a bit

jul 19 2014 ∞
jul 19 2014 +
  • pure reason revolution- winter 2013/2014 (at cluj)
  • arctic monkeys-am and QUOTSA- like clockwork (at home, winter holiday)
  • the smiths- feb/march 2014
jun 25 2014 ∞
jun 25 2014 +
  • easy exam
  • managing to study a lot!
  • recessional/vienna teng
  • talking to andreea
  • discovering i can make myself a blanket fort... ahhh
jun 18 2014 ∞
jun 18 2014 +
  • understanding statistics ~
  • staying outside
  • impromptu pancakes
  • looong shower

bad health day :(

jun 12 2014 ∞
jun 12 2014 +
  • feeling better than yesterday
  • staying outside and working on my cognitive psych project
  • finishing it
  • mircea miclea nonchalantly talking about aliens in his book (and tatiana being ecstatic about it)
  • making hummus and having an impromptu picnic on the floor
  • realizing that i actually am in love i think
  • feeling okay enough to read for school

productive day i suppose~

jun 9 2014 ∞
jun 9 2014 +
  • surviving the morning, felt bad
  • talking to a colleague
  • seeing adina
  • managing to study everything for exam
  • visiting statue/grimes, ahhh this is so my type <3
  • no you girls/franz ferdinand
jun 5 2014 ∞
jun 5 2014 +
  • making a delicious ciorba omg so good
  • sleep, lots of sleep
  • finishing a school project
  • listening to nice music and making a soothing gloomy weather pining playlist ~~
  • the iamx recordings of the live concert... wow. those reworkings.
  • crows
  • "someone i love once gave me a box full of darkness. I learned that it, too, was a gift"
  • writing about feelings

an even worse health day :( and gloomy weather, i felt rly weak and non stop sleepy. But i got some stuff done! And rethought some feels.

jun 1 2014 ∞
jun 1 2014 +
  • finding a new pettable kitty in the campus
  • lovely dog (Leia) at the animal psychology course
  • starting a mandala
  • making mini biscuit cakes again
  • watching black books
  • going to see a ballet show
  • thus discovering a new cute song (sadder than you- angus&julia stone)
  • the guy who danced on 'that home' from the cinematic orchestra
  • coming home through the rain and getting soaking wet
  • brothers on a hotel bed/death cab for cutie
  • writing on my old blog
may 29 2014 ∞
may 29 2014 +
  • talking to my fun aunt
  • not getting lost in subways!!
  • walking around bucharest with dad
  • going to rr ~~~
  • midnight phone convo with a., out of my *presumed* confort zone

i am currently processing information and feeling very decided, and also fed up with stuff! yes!...yes u.u and bit sad because you, but not as sad as i could have been :)

may 26 2014 ∞
may 26 2014 +
  • sitting by river& reading about atlantis again
  • i am officially excused from sports! therefore i am not failing sports!
  • helping a friend
  • walking in nice windy weather, not too hot
  • long afternoon nap (i cheated and took sleeping pill but i needed it)
  • managing to read for school
  • blitzrain
  • listening to damien rice, scrolling tumblr and calming down

i panicked

may 23 2014 ∞
may 23 2014 +
  • having an understanding sports teacher
  • sitting by the river
  • sun (a bit too much! why do i appreciate it only when it's not terribly hot outside T_T)
  • taking a nap
  • tidying the room

bad thyroid-heart day and bad unreality day and bad other-stuff day (disappointment and sadness and difficult change of plans)...must go on ~~~

may 21 2014 ∞
may 21 2014 +
  • being able to get out of the house on a bad day
  • dreaming of buying chocolate bread after an evening of not knowing what I crave
  • and then buying it
  • she changes the weather/ swim deep
  • sitting in the sun and reading R.R.
  • excitement for meeting him- I know that's not the point of this, but I can't help but be a bit biased/excited/nervous
  • patience not to be needy (compensated like hell afterwards, but...)
may 18 2014 ∞
may 18 2014 +
  • fun statistics course where i actually understood stuff!
  • feeling my energy body really well in the first part of the day x.x
  • therefore much meditation
  • feeling like it's Time and making a Decision??
  • writing the whole history of psych project in one go and having a blast with it
  • staying outside
may 17 2014 ∞
may 17 2014 +
  • this
  • the old man playing the violin on the street
  • Andreea staying with me in the park until I almost became a pleasant company
  • reading about Romani people
  • parents deciding they'll buy me an apartment!! (now I only have to decide the city...)

-bit not good, today-

apr 24 2013 ∞
apr 24 2013 +
  • Riverside and melancholy
  • listening to new music all afternoon and evening (songs from eldritchhorrors' blog: classical: Bach's Chaconne , some more violin, Arvo Part, Phillip Glass and industrial: Trans Europe Express from Kraftwerk which is mindblowing and Wunderbar from Deine Lakaien; also, Balanescu quartet, they did violin covers of Kraftwerk!)
  • hyacinth scent
  • two nice reviews
  • writing (I tried to write all day, but felt too bad to concentrate on anything, I could only start at 10pm and tomorrow is school)

-bad day, bad day- but I enjoy writing, and I hope I'll write something beautiful and sense-making for once.

apr 21 2013 ∞
apr 21 2013 +
  • reading Faust , beautiful fic, a bit of The restaurant at the end of the universe
  • re-watching Sherlock
  • hearing To build a home /Cinematic Orchestra(the most beautiful thing), iamamiwhoami, Of monsters and men (thanks to Dana; especially Little talks), Sinnerman /Nina Simone
  • dreaming about the obvious and other things at nighttime which I don't really remember; last night was trying to go to the swimming pool again and again but failing because I was too derealized and couldn't coordinate; then I tried drowning, but wasn't quite ready for it
  • highlight was finding out that I'm going to the national phase at psychology contest, I think. I was happy for an hour or so; (pointless). I really enjoyed reading The quiet man and listening to To build a home and it was also lovely to show the song to Dana and find out that she'd been looking for it and that she likes it. Also, spending (school)time with Andreea. And my...
mar 3 2013 ∞
mar 3 2013 +
  • Povestea lui Harap-Alb , basm
    • fisa
    • caracterizare Harap-Alb
  • Baltagul , roman- Mihail Sadoveanu
    • fisa
    • caracterizare Vitoria
  • Alexandru Lapusneanul , nuvela istorica
    • fisa
    • caracterizare A.L.
  • Moara cu noroc , nuvela psihologica (bleah)
    • fisa
    • caracterizare Ghita
  • Ion , roman realist-obiectiv
    • fisa
    • caracterizare Ion
  • Enigma Otiliei , roman realist-obiectiv balzacian
feb 13 2013 ∞
jun 5 2013 +
  • Carniv├ále
  • Merlin
  • Once upon a time
  • Luther
jan 19 2013 ∞
apr 6 2013 +
  • Yuuma (permanent truth)
  • Shiori (poem, weave)
  • Midori (green)
  • Ida (this moment, planet earth, insight)
  • Lahari (wave)
  • Okya (vision)
  • Padma (lotus)
  • Lora
  • Tallulah (flowing waters)
  • Irma
  • Ada
  • Atlas
  • Phaedra (bright)
  • Alula
  • Crow
  • Pandora
  • Ash
  • Era (wind, air)
jan 20 2013 ∞
jan 20 2013 +
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  • nice review for story
  • Haruhi!
  • listening to post-rock on youtube all day, discovered many wonderful songs and made a lovely playlist
  • sunny morning, reading Pessoa
  • sleep
  • writing (chapter V)
dec 1 2012 ∞
dec 1 2012 +
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  • playing sims like crazy
  • sims seasons!
nov 29 2012 ∞
nov 29 2012 +
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  • Gaudeamus book fest (tons of books! and book launches! and famous people!)
  • found A Clockwork Orange and Of mice and men in english!! Also poems by Fernando Pessoa, I'd wanted them for a long time.
  • my interest for books started existing again?
nov 27 2012 ∞
nov 27 2012 +
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  • festivity-thingy at Energiea? maybe; it was nice
  • that small library with stuff from England (such awesome products! notebooks! huge discounts!)
  • seeing a play at the National Theatre (just awesome, and the hall was FULL)
nov 27 2012 ∞
nov 27 2012 +
  • found out that I won a prize at a national writing contest!! another trip to bucharest, this weekend :3
  • dancing on The Cure
  • playing DC. and getting two DOTD votes yey!

Yeah, who ever knows what.

nov 19 2012 ∞
nov 19 2012 +
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  • went to Bucharest--> no school
  • received money from government
  • talked philosophy, college and Naruto with the awesome religion teacher that prepared me for the contest last year (I'd missed her!)
  • drank aloe vera for the first time which is so delicious
  • received my allowance, finally
  • received the Lirismograf contest anthology which also contains my super-sad story

It sounds good, but I kind of haven't felt that level of depressed and derealized before

nov 15 2012 ∞
nov 15 2012 +
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  • Blaga at romanian class
  • dissemination cancelled; things that I consider impossible to my current state never happen. I kind of knew it would be cancelled.
  • shopping at lidl, delicious stuff
  • my appetite came back, for a while
  • crystal castles
  • message from T.

This is kind of a lie. I felt horrible today.

nov 12 2012 ∞
nov 12 2012 +
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  • baked oatmeal cookies
  • read poems by Rimbaud (brilliant)

Stayed home because depressed. Haven't been so sad and umotivated in...well, much time

nov 8 2012 ∞
nov 8 2012 +
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  • sunny autumn day; saddening ourselves because college
  • Leonardo DiCaprio as Arthur Rimbaud in Total Eclipse
  • A Season in Hell
nov 6 2012 ∞
nov 8 2012 +
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  • picking mushrooms
  • autumn colors in the forest
  • sunny day
  • playing Sims for 3 hours and actually enjoying it
  • not sleeping in the afternoon and not feeling sleepy (the forest is guilty)
  • finishing chapter IV of my story

I wish more days were like this one.

nov 4 2012 ∞
nov 8 2012 +
  • be 2gether with you!!
  • do a bit of yoga everyday (after i move...)
  • spend less money (gonna have to)
  • go out to events&stuff when i feel good enough
  • keep in touch with friends
  • practice gratefulness

and things that i rly want but are a bit silly to wish...

  • us living together
  • winning the lottery x)
nov 23 2014 ∞
nov 23 2014 +
  • writing a lot!
  • learning astrology
  • finishing gilmore girls... Woo. That finale, though =/
  • talking to you
aug 21 2014 ∞
aug 21 2014 +
  • learning astrology...my enthusiasm is still so high omg
  • preparing the beans for freezing (with grandma)
  • GREAT BLOOD TEST RESULTS my autoimmune system stopped attacking me!!!
  • enjoying food and sweets. Still can't get over how good it feels.
  • playing sims... i love my current game
  • the small lovely kits
  • the song you posted, oh.
  • arctic monkeys (crying lightning and my propeller)
  • a message from an old friend

i was so enthusiastic today that i consummed my energy and now i'm a dizzy potato who cant breathe =/ oh well oh well!

aug 14 2014 ∞
aug 14 2014 +
  • wrote much
  • transcribed the quotes from 'everything is illuminated'
  • found a nice place to sit in the front garden, near the fence
  • did chores, took care of the onions
  • staying in the attic
  • learning astrology...omgomg i am excited!
aug 11 2014 ∞
aug 11 2014 +
  • got to the bottom of the fight-thing with c.
  • got my appetite back! woo
  • pushed myself to travel and managed to fight with fatigue for almost 2 days
  • started making progress with insomnia (KEEP IN MIND&MAKE IT BETTER)


aug 7 2014 ∞
aug 7 2014 +
  • overcoming bad morning
  • baking a delicious fruit cake t.t
  • writing and loving it
  • talking to dad about life
  • talking to diana about spirit things
  • finishing man's search for meaning
jul 20 2014 ∞
jul 20 2014 +
  • starting the day with a really nice fic (http://archiveofourown.org/series/18191)
  • much meditation
  • reading this, very important http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.ph...
  • reading Vasile Andru
  • managing to take a nap! i think this is the first time after a month or so
  • going shopping with parents
  • finding some cute clothes
  • reading about Selenium and finding organic one in a nature shop! yey
  • making melon ice cream
jul 17 2014 ∞
jul 17 2014 +
  • meaning all day
  • also the things i'm studying (cognitiva) being VERY FUN
  • eating healthy
  • skin/grimes
jun 18 2014 ∞
jun 18 2014 +
  • waking up feeling like Phoenix (these guys are so happy it's contagious)
  • realizing that staying here has been pretty cool
  • staying outside
  • managing to read a lot for school
  • pushing myself to go out and do some shopping
jun 10 2014 ∞
jun 10 2014 +
  • napping without pills
  • cooking!
  • not giving up
  • talking to mom
  • very nice weather
  • feeling a bit more real, i think
  • changing my tumblr theme (its been unchanged for three years! I loved it but it was finally time for a change)
  • talking to cris
  • genesis/grimes... ahh

baaaaaaaad thyroid day, could barely go out of the house. went to see the doctor. I guess i'll start taking my meds again even though they make me feel more unreal than usual...

jun 5 2014 ∞
jun 5 2014 +
  • meditating in the morning. helped
  • gilmore girls
jun 3 2014 ∞
jun 3 2014 +
  • staying inside during rainy weather
  • getting myself to go to courses... twice
  • spending a lot of time with the comfy kit in the rain (she loves sitting in my lap)
  • crying a lot- it's useful
  • being reminded of people

i had some kind of quarter-life crisis today in which i realized that what i believe about myself is probably a lie... and that maybe i've been approaching the problem the wrong way all this time.

may 30 2014 ∞
may 30 2014 +
  • spending time with dad
  • try it on/interpol
  • traaain
  • remembering advice i was given and feeling the words physically T.T
  • for a while, feeling grief turn into love. It felt amazing
  • randomly thinking of the name damian and feeling like its important for some reason? then finding that it's the name of the noisy kid on the train x.x i have a family name in mind too but hey i couldnt confirm it without being a creep
  • not being denied communication?... I guess?
  • haha shippy boat trolls update, yeyeyey
may 27 2014 ∞
may 27 2014 +
  • buying sweets... i guess?
  • not completely ruining my roommate's internet stick T.T
  • the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, the 1981 series! omg
  • packing

sad day among the other things ~~~

may 25 2014 ∞
may 26 2014 +
  • replace this text with your list
  • begin each item with an asterisk
may 22 2014 ∞
may 22 2014 +
  • building endurance with 6 hours of waiting in the hospital (it worked, i think)
  • letting go of my perception of myself and talking to lots of people easily
  • not eating much in the first part of the day
  • walking to the cemetery
  • elder tea- delicious
may 20 2014 ∞
may 20 2014 +

why are they so many and so on hold T_T

  • The Nature of Personal Reality/Jane Roberts
  • Man's search for meaning/ Viktor Frankl
  • The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life/Drunvalo Melchizedek
  • The Power of Now/Eckart Tolle
  • Quantum healing/ Richard Gordon
may 17 2014 ∞
may 17 2014 +
  • cleaning room& balcony
  • a bit of yoga and meditation ( a tiny bit, but it helped)
  • Doctor Who!
  • watering ALL the plants
  • reading this(I NEED to get the book)

Somewhere at the half of the day it was as bad as it could get but then it was a bit better?

apr 28 2013 ∞
apr 28 2013 +
  • writing letters
  • iamundernodisguise from school of seven bells
apr 26 2013 ∞
apr 26 2013 +
  • sunny day
  • a story follow from an author I like (these small things make me so happy)
  • thinking about story
  • having a very bad day and surviving through it without having a panic attack or becoming depressed (that's new)
  • cooking (soy schnitzels)
  • hearing German (Blutengel)
apr 22 2013 ∞
apr 22 2013 +
  • sunny morning in the park
  • lovely music: Soldier from Ingrid Michaelson and Ekki mukk from Sigur Ros
  • the review-fangirling I posted on tumblr for an amazing fanfic being seen and reblogged by the author <3 I am in love with her and that story

Nice weather only means good things.

apr 20 2013 ∞
apr 20 2013 +
  • new season of Korra
  • new season of Game of Thrones (march!!)- weeee
  • hopefully, PLEASE GOD AND STEVEN MOFFAT, new season of Sherlock
  • new IAMX album -(not memorable but very pretty)- brilliant
  • new Placebo album (march)
feb 14 2013 ∞
apr 7 2013 +
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  • wine
  • writing story out of the blue (new fandom. many possibilities)

Depressed. Strange night, very strange tension/energy in my temples.

dec 13 2012 ∞
dec 13 2012 +
  • I think I'm becoming less socially anxious and more calm and natural?
  • not letting down my geography teacher for once?
  • skipping classes (i went to buy shoes)
  • nice weather

I feel stranger than usual. I started feeling that energy again, it seems this happens at night. It's not pleasant, just very overwhelming, I don't know what to do with it. I hope I survive these days.

dec 13 2012 ∞
dec 13 2012 +
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  • hug
  • new story idea (i have to make this one awesome)
  • Dreamfall!
  • mulled wine, again
  • Cristina's hoard of kitties
  • school psychologist sent me stuff about the shift on 21th of december! i'm so glad that people know of this

Keeping ourselves distracted. I mean, trying to.

dec 11 2012 ∞
dec 11 2012 +
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  • The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya *dies* *revives* *dies again* (I'm in love with this show and the movie was amazing)
  • svanur/rokkurro
dec 2 2012 ∞
dec 2 2012 +
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  • early morning
  • sims!
  • yoga
  • traces of sun (i very much miss him)
  • making efforts to feel okay
  • the man who fell to earth
  • did i mention staying home all week?

Mornings are nice. The rest of the day isn't. Summer is nice; so is the sun. I need daylight. I'll wait for summer and perhaps even go to that place I've been reading about. I don't really want to go anywhere else such as college or work.

nov 29 2012 ∞
nov 29 2012 +
  • school finished earlier
  • sleep (i love sleep)
  • 'you're a genius' 'no, i'm a girl' 'fine, you're a girlius'
nov 23 2012 ∞
nov 23 2012 +
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  • nothing.
  • ...I got my internet back
  • playing DC
  • nice people
  • hot shower (not too cold outside->hot water yay) while listening to CBP
nov 22 2012 ∞
nov 23 2012 +
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  • restarted playing Divachix, hehe
  • talked to people on messenger
  • ...nothing :3


nov 19 2012 ∞
nov 19 2012 +
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  • stayed in bed and read Crime and Punishment all day
  • lazy state of i-will-do-nothing-so-called-productive-and-i'm-not-feeling-guilty-for-it
  • loving cats and falling asleep with Trill

Being sick and almost ttom is not a good combination.

nov 18 2012 ∞
nov 18 2012 +
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  • my black hair
  • wrote the France travel diary...I just love writing
  • the multifruit tea with honey
  • transgender/crystal castles

It's kind of strange (and great) that I still find nice things in every day, as bad as that day is. Today was... i can't even.

nov 11 2012 ∞
nov 11 2012 +
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  • wrote all morning and finished the story I started yesterday (2600 words today .o.), I'm mildly content with it
  • made pancakes
  • dyed my hair an almost black kind of dark brown, amen
  • 'she feels that my sentimental side should be held with kids gloves/ but she doesn't know that I left my urge in the ice box'
  • Catch Me If You Can..whoa
nov 10 2012 ∞
nov 10 2012 +
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  • day unexpectedly becoming sunny
  • learning for psychology on the balcony
  • taking bath in the afternoon (half-dark)
  • The Prestige
  • Forrest Gump
  • drinking a lot of water (still thirsty)
  • eating somehow more responsible (no bread at all)
nov 4 2012 ∞
nov 8 2012 +