i think one of the reasons i got so attached to the people in toronto it's the fact that i just felt embraced. i felt good things, good feelings and overall - just positive things. i felt like i was appreciated and that i could show a better side of me to those people, and i was so happy and excited for that. there were no insecurities, no stress, no real bad, killing feelings and thoughts. i just feel so small sometimes, like i don't matter. like i don't really make a difference and i'm pretty sure i don't but i can't say that. if i say that eyes will roll, i just know. but i can't control what i feel and how i see things. i wish i could change my head, my heart, my vision. i wish i had the best confidence in the world and didn't care about people caring less about me, but i'm not like that. i care too much and i hurt too much. with the smallest things, i'm gone. i guess this is the bad side of loving people too much ? like, i never realized that side of me because i've had only seen the bad parts of it, so maybe it's all connected ??? i don't know, i just want all these doubts to be gone so bad, i can't take this anymore, it's been years of this bull and that's enough.