i think one of the reasons i got so attached to the people in toronto it's the fact that i just felt embraced. i felt good things, good feelings and overall - just positive things. i felt like i was appreciated and that i could show a better side of me to those people, and i was so happy and excited for that. there were no insecurities, no stress, no real bad, killing feelings and thoughts. i just feel so small sometimes, like i don't matter. like i don't really make a difference and i'm pretty sure i don't but i can't say that. if i say that eyes will roll, i just know. but i can't control what i feel and how i see things. i wish i could change my head, my heart, my vision. i wish i had the best confidence in the world and didn't care about people caring less about me, but i'm not like that. i care too much and i hurt too much. with the smallest things, i'm gone. i guess this is the bad s...

a minha filha morreu minha filha eu amo tanto ela tanto tanto tanto tanto ela é a minha vida ela sempre ficou comigo sempre sempre sempre aqui no meu quarto, era sempre eu e ela e agora é só eu sozinha sem ela dói muito tanto eu só quero que passe todo o sentimento ruim eu queria ela de volta

for a long time there were moments where overwhelming feelings had me thinking about how much i truly love people, and this trip had me thinking even more deeply and frequently about it. i know it kind of sounds vague but it isn't as much as it seems (at least i think so). the point is - my heart is completely weak and soft for people, and i mean it very seriously, no exaggerating, it's just so easy to get me completely snatched and i see it as clear as ever now after a month of living with so many new people. i wish i could explain things properly, because i just feel so much, i want to put it into words, and i'll try it. when i say someone can easily have me snatched, i mean it. someone can literally have 20 minutes of interaction with me, or maybe just sit by my side, and if i feel something special from that person, they have me. what do i mean with "special"? i don't know, honestly; i...

college time is coming and i want to explode i am scared deeply i'm scared this is not what i actually want to do. i'm scared it will be way harder than i ever thought it could be. i'm scared the college i'm applying to won't be good enough, i'm scared i won't be good enough. i want to be someone filled with knowledge and talent. i want to do great things with head and hands, like paula scher. she's my graphic design god. i want to be some who revolutionizes, who sees things differently, who changes. but i'm just one in a billion who want the same thing. i just hope i'll be fine, hope i'll be happy and college won't be the nightmare i feel like it will be. be good to me, please.