i hope you can't hear my thoughts but i suppose you can read them through my face which seems to be in a permanent scowl. i drain my cup of tea and the marks at the bottom seem to scream that things have to change and things have to change fast i have to leave everything here and let them throw it all away even the things i think i care about. no matter how many times i wash my hands with the bleach they never feel clean even when the skin peels away and a new one grows back i am disappointed to find it is exactly the same as before.

2012

• the bell jar
• lolita
• trainspotting
• kafka on the shore
• the rum diary
• the virgin suicides
• the lovely bones
• how to be a woman
• blind faith
• hollywood
• despair
• brave new world
• the curious incident of the dog in the night time
• fear and loathing in las vegas
• to the lighthouse
• running with scissors
• the great gatsby
• the color purple
• the handmaid's tale

• people ignoring me for a long time
• veganism
• booksbooksbooksbooksbooks
• feminist invasion?
• jelly shoes
• sometimes to disappear altogether
• well-crafted writing
• people's secrets
• never crying about boys
• the sea
• an escape route
• red nail varnish
• storie ideas
• grow up
• blonder hair
• that particular shade of smile
• cactus garden

on my shelf

• annie on my mind
• ecstasy
• the picture of dorian gray
• jude the obscure
• norweigan wood
• the unbearable lightness of being
• little women
• girl, interrupted
• cat's cradle
• lady oracle
• the master and margarita
• great expectations
• the castle
• nine stories
• the picture of dorian grey
• the slynx
• naked lunch
• the green mile
• the liar
• cloud atlas

• tokophobia
• you make me really sick
• plants
• misanthropy (or rather forgetting people altogether)
• savoury
• vegetarianism
• lost inside books
• reaching out but pulled back
• notebooks incompleted

• i no longer have to think about this stupid tiny little thing anymore
• green camomile chai tea
• burning candles incense
• going on jogs in the evening?
• reading curled up in bed after college
• getting dark early (i am kinda sick of long days & stuff now))
• big jumpers

things other people love

• black swan
• catch 22
• mumford and sons
• looking for alaska
• an education
• the curious incident of the dog in the night time
• pulp fiction
• white oleander

04 07

• sometimes i feel fluid, free, trapped, dizzy: all at the same time
• du bist der ozean, deine augen sind sterne und dein herz ist der mond
• nobody really needed full stops in the first place

08 07

• the air is stale and the same air from 5 years ago circulates around and around again into my mouth invades my nose
• was i ever really here or did i sleep the entire time?
• unable to make eye contact
  • you remind me of a cat
  • the surrealist experience of a bedroom like an ancient map
• bunk beds are nice
• they are frivolous here

• i wrote with blue pen {instead of black}
• twitter was over one hundred and forty characters
• the seasons made daily switches
• nobody ate meat ever, eating meat was unheard of
• landscape changes
• i connect with poetry
• they still make ribbons for this typewriter

• temptation
• magic spells
• lemonade
• lights out, words gone
• jesus
• touched by the hand of god
• america's boy
• sound and vision
• runway, houses, city, clouds
• your eyes
• heroes/helden
• back to the old house
• seancing song
• headmaster ritual
• happiness
• gemini
• take it as it comes