QUOTES

• "Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives." (Intro)
• Wholehearted living.... means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It's going to bed at night and thinking, yes, I'm imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid. But that doesn't change the truth, that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging." (Intro)
• "What is worth doing, even if I fail?" (Ch 2)
• "The willingness to show up changes us, and it makes us a little braver each time." (Ch 2)
• "Can you value your own vulnerability as much as you value it in others?" (Ch 2)
• "Sharing appropriately, with boundaries, means sharing with people with whom we've developed relationships that can bear the weight of our story." (Ch 2)
• "We need support. We need folks who will let us try on new ways of being without judging us." (Ch 2)
• "Sometimes our first and greatest dare is asking for support." (Ch 2)
• "Shame resilience is about moving from shame to empathy....If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive." (Ch 3)
• "Reality check the messages and expectations that are driving your shame. Are they realistic, attainable? Are they what you want to be, or what you think others need and want from you?" (Ch 3)
• “When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable. If we dismiss all of the criticism, we lose out on important feedback, but if we subject ourselves to the hatefulness, our spirits get crushed. It’s a tightrope; shame resilience is the balancing bar.” (Ch 4)
• “Our stories of worthiness, of being enough, begin in our first families. The narrative certainly doesn’t end there, but what we learn about ourselves and how we learn to engage with the world as children sets a course that either will require us to spend a significant part of our life fighting to reclaim our self worth, or will give us hope, courage, and resilience for our journey.” (Ch 7)

THOUGHTS & NOTES

• When you think 'I am not x enough' or 'I do not have enough x' - QUESTION IT. Don't just accept it.
  • Who is limiting what you have or do not have?
  • Who are you comparing yourself to?
• Vulnerability in others is perceived as bravery. Vulnerability in ourselves is perceived as weak and shameful. Try to transition into the mindset of your own vulnerability being a strength, too.
• Is my fear of vulnerability holding me back in this situation?
• A shield of vulnerability requires you to stay small and quiet and hidden, and does nothing but keep you from knowing others and being known in turn.

CULTIVATING SHAME RESILIENCE

• Cultivate authenticity, let go of what people think
• Cultivate self compassion, let go of perfectionism
• Cultivate a resilient spirit, let go of numbing and powerlessness
• Cultivate gratitude and joy, let go of scarcity and fear of the unknown
• Cultivate intuition, let go of the need for certainty
• Cultivate creativity, let go of comparison
• Cultivate play and rest, let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and the idea of productivity as a measure of self worth
• Cultivate calm and stillness, let go of anxiety as a lifestyle
• Cultivate meaningful work, let go of self doubt and 'supposed to'
• Cultivate laughter, song, and dance, let go of being cool and in control