random quotes

• "I'm very fertile. you probably got pregnant just by standing near me." - lyndon
• "says the guy wearing a scarf."
• "that's because me and Caitlin don't make decisions. we just talk about things. we're like philosphers." - my dad
• "did you bring your batmobile? no? well, you're fucked."
• "I don't need a beer, I need a defibrillator."
• dialogue
  • "you look like you lost your best friend."
  • "I did. three months ago."
• dialogue, with guy working in dollar store
  • "you need another chocolate bar, they're two for a dollar."
  • "but I don't want another one."
  • "we don't sell fifty cent things here."
  • "I only want this one, though."
  • "do you want a bag of chips?"
  • "I'll just pay a dollar for it."
  • "a lighter?"
  • "it's a tip, okay? a fifty cent tip for you."
  • "you are a hard person to sell something."
• "what if you were a see-through frog?" - my dad, randomly.
• "my body is in hell, and satan is jumping on my balls."
• dialogue
  • "nice lady. nice, happy lady."
  • "too damn happy for me."
• "they should do a version of this movie where everyone's topless." - about star wars