i was thinking about how christmas felt each year when i was younger. the feeling has definitely changed and some years i feel like I never quite reach that “christmas-time feeling”, but i am lucky enough to have experienced it. i remember how I’d feel when december started and all of the christmas decorations would start going up. everyone was talking about it and when i was younger in school we had projects and little crafts and whole days dedicated to celebrating it and getting excited for it. i remember how i would start being asked what I wanted for Christmas months before and how the question would light a spark of excitement in me as i thought about the toys or things that i really wanted, and hoped I would receive after putting them on a list and sending it to a relative. in south dakota, snow would mark when i started to get excited and feel the holiday coming. the gatherings of family and friends that we would both host and attend were some of my favorite parts. we might put on sweaters or hats to get in the spirit, play games while the adults made dinner and talked, and eventually go home or watch our guests leave towards the end of the night and, if it was before Christmas had come, know that it was one day closer to the fabled holiday we’d been preparing for and hyping up for the last couple months. most of all, the feeling that made me think about all of this and want to record it, that feeling on Christmas night that I would get up until i was around maybe 14 or 15; the excitement for the morning ahead with my family where we’d open gifts together. I would lay down in my bed wide awake. i would wake up and fall asleep again so many times in a night, each time i woke up hoping the clock would finally be at whatever time our family had deemed appropriate for me to start waking people up ;) i would turn a tv on, back when I had a tv in my room and slept with it on, and watch some Christmas themed episodes that were airing on Disney channel or nick or Cartoon Network, just waiting for the time to pass and listening for the stirring in the house that meant i wasn’t the only one awake. that feeling of growing excitement that would start in late October, really gain traction after thanksgiving, and finally peak when i laid down to go to bed on Christmas Eve, is one of the things I think about most and identify with when I think of christmas. Of course it has always been about family and cherishing times and memories together as well, but i wanted to write about that feeling of excitement that i remember. now, that feeling of waking up on christmas morning as a child comes in new forms for new things, like seeing someone I’ve been excited to see or doing something new or going somewhere exciting, but most of all, it has surrounded seeing mau, going on trips with her, and being excited to experience things with her. I hope i can give that feeling of excitement and the memories of it that will carry throughout life to my children one day, and i’m so thankful for all of the memories I have of feeling it, and all the other wonderful feelings that have come along with christmas throughout my life so far. I can’t wait to see what new feelings and memories are made in my future.