RELEASE - What did you let go of this year? // Fear? I developed and aggressive just-do-it mentality. I believed I could and so I did. So I guess I let go of my last fucks to give?

ACCOMPLISHMENTS - What were you deeply proud of doing, making, being, etc. this year? What made you feel good? //

• I was really active and tried new things like cavern diving (amazing) and boxing (not for me). And I loved doing a high rope course for the first time! I kept learning new things, challenging myself to make new experiences. I attended TEDxTUM, I attended yoga teacher training (even though I didn’t take part in the actual exam, I did it just for fun) and took part in an Indian cooking class in New Delhi. I went to a few climate strikes. I just did stuff. I’m such a sucker for new input and things to do. Things that matter, activities that allow me to learn something.
• Reading 100 books.
• Being the maid of honour for Lena and Christian’s wedding. I managed not to go completely mad. It was so stressful and I was so glad when it was all over but I learned how much I’m capable of. And I gave a speech. I was so incredibly nervous but I did it and I made people laugh (and cringe).
• I got even better at being on my own.
• I was quite creative and enjoyed vegan baking (crisp bread, lebkuchen), wrote long letters, created a logo for Obi’s coffee roaster, painted on stones, drew into my sketchbook a lot. Oh, and I played a lot of Drawful with Manu.
• I managed to survive India (I know that sounds brutal but it was really hard on some days even though I absolutely didn’t see the worst at all).

BREAKTHROUGHS - What were your biggest breakthroughs? This can be in any area: emotional, spiritual, career, etc. // I came to terms with who I am. I started being more susceptible to things I can’t explain. I loved soaking up the spiritual energy and Ayurvedic principles in India. I loved the stories about life and death, cremations, the way to live. I tried to understand how people can sit in a dark cave for decades, meditating. I dipped my toes into the Ganges and tried to let it cleanse me, to feel something. In the end I probably just got home more grateful, richer in experience. I can celebrate the small joy even when I’m having a shitty time. I got harder, softer at the same time. This is getting somewhere.

HAPPINESS - What was the most fun you had this year? When were you really happy? // Some random happy moments I come up with when I think of this year:

• Mexico. The eerie atmosphere during the cenote dives. Picking up Jamie, a hitchhiker. Meeting in Bacalar a few days later. Having delicious dinner and mescal surrounded by kittens. Sitting by the lagoon under a marvelous night sky. I showed her some constellations and went swimming the other day. So many shades of turquoise with crystal clear sand. All the healthy restaurants in Tulum. Mango with chili flakes. Beer with lime. Coyoacán, a vegetarian street-food tour (our guide was the best) and the Anthropology Museum in Mexico City. My artistic rental apartment. Climbing the sun and moon pyramids. That trip was absolutely fabulous.
• An evening at the trampoline park followed by dinner and a night out. I enjoyed it so much because Matthias was with us that night. He is such an impressive person. The kind of person I would love to end up with one day. We danced, sang along to the music, had some deeply interesting conversations. What an amazing man. I can’t stress it enough.
• Kissing Andre at the Burlesque Halloween party. Taking pictures with Margit and her friends. Meeting a student’s mum. Also, I looked super cute that night.
• A llama/alpaca hike. Getting to know the animals. The fluff!
• Evenings at the river. Getting into the cold water. A late-night meet-up with Andre at the Isar. Scaring the pedestrians on the other side of the river. Taking photobooth selfies at the subway station. A bike tour with Frank another day in summer. Taking photos of me meditating in the middle of the stream. Swimming in lakes. Picnics. Spaghetti ice-cream. Floating down the river with my students – in our underwear.
• Some VR-experiments. Playing Beatsaber!
• Going swimming at Suedbad. The gardeners were cutting off the indoor plants and I got a few cuttings to take home with me!
• Buying flowers for the wedding with Lena. All the flowers they had basically.
• Spending a day on Texel. The beach, the dunes, the tiny seals at EcoMare.
• A fun weekend with Sash in Salzburg. Just one word: Kaspressknödel.
• That rooftop in Delhi with Christy and Nici. Best conversations, best parties. Roaming through the Beatles Ashram in Rishikesh. Feeling healthy, clean and cute after being sick for a long time. Consulting an Ayurveda doctor. A boat ride on the Ganges. Varanasi really left an impression. Seeing Nepal for the first time. What a contrast to India. Lush and green, far less people. Being able to take a deep breath. Walking through the streets of Kathmandu on a treasure hunt (I found the most gorgeous rings). Walking up the hill to the monastery. Meeting weird stoners in Pokhara. Relaxing. The Ayurvedic café. Meeting that travel agent who helped me so much. And, eventually, coming home. What an amazing feeling after such a trip.
• New Year’s Eve in Czech Republic.
• Seeing Inuit art for the first time when I went to Canada for the first time. Lots of humour, lemme tell ya. The Eva B vintage clothing store in Montréal. An evening with Emily at The Lockhart – drinking potions and playing a Harry Potter quiz. Getting into the rooftop jacuzzi in Québec.
• For more details and awesome tidbits – as per usual, my monthly lists of good things: January / February / March / April / May / June / July / August / September / October / November / December

LOVE - Who did you fall in love with this year? // Still working on my self-love journey. I just like myself more and more which feels amazing. Regarding other people… I had a lot of fun with Andre and I might have been a tiny little bit in love with Micha but he still lives in the USA and probably isn’t very interested in me anyway. However, I didn’t stay single for lack of trying. Here is a list of the people I met:

• Emilio (MEX) - he picked me up, we had beer and popcorn with lime and salt at a bar around the corner, he walked me home. Dive guides are the cutest.
• Baha (Lebanon) - Lebanese dinner and a very good conversation about geophysics, the end of the universe, bisexuality, accents, stereotypes and so much more.
• Alex (M) - ice-skating at Prinzregentenstadion, dinner at Thao (best Bun in Munich and their mojitos are top notch).
• Rajiv (M/India) - beer at Flex. Standard. I got us the couch in the corner!
• Markus (M/Karlsruhe, Heidelberg?) - a boring lawyer who let me help with the assembly of his huge IKEA shelf, made me pasta and let me spend the whole evening with his cat
• Patrick (M) - we played pool, I found out he was a horrible person; the end
• Jonah (M/USA) - "Everything about this aesthetic is working. Can I buy you a drink?"
• Micha (M) - A beautiful, tall man with a weird sense of humour and a tongue piercing. I was smitten.
• Christoph (M) - a sound editor, silver surfer, Theresienwiesen-skater. Late-night red wine at the river.
• Dominique (Paris, F) – what a dramatic woman. She singled me out, we flirted for hours, she came on to me. Maybe a little too strong, which is why I aborted the mission.
• Roman (DD) - I met him in Varanasi. Two travellers wary of India.
• Michael (N) - He visited me in Munich after talking online for weeks. We went to the theatre. I didn't want him to stay over and never heard from him again.
• Alex (NZ). A very charming, interesting personality. From New Zealand! We were at the Shamrock pub quiz together. Well, he ghosted me.

LOSS - Who did you miss? // I’m a selfish bitch and so happy on my own. Good riddance, eh? The only thing I might have missed was how some relationships used to be. Relationship-nostalgia? This refers to friendships, mostly. But people change, I certainly did so I can’t expect the others to maintain the status quo.

PEOPLE - Did you meet anyone new? // Sure. You just need to check out my list of disappointing dates. However, there were a few other memorable encounters. First and foremost I need to mention Christy, Dominique and Julia. I met those ladies at my hostel in New Delhi. We didn’t stay in touch but we had such intense days and conversations together. And wild parties with other guests and the two dudes from the hostel. During my yoga teacher training in Rishikesh I met a few interesting characters from all over the world but we mainly kept to ourselves. Then there was Micha, the beautiful vegan nerd. I even went bouldering with him even though it always gives me sore muscles from hell. During my trip to Canada I met quite a few cool people from Munich (like Steffi, Maxim, Martina) and Canada, of course. Like Manu’s friend Emily and the directors of the movie Bagages, for example.

TRAVEL - Did you travel? Where did you go? // I slept through the turn of the year in a hammock somewhere in the backcountry behind Tulum, Mexico – all alone, of course. I loved that trip to Mexico. I spent Christmas Eve on a plane with a layover in Chicago (I actually had enough time to see Lake Michigan and a bit of the city). I spent the first day of 2019 doing my first cavern dive in a Mexican cenote. Magical. Mexico City was vibrant, busy, I absolutely adored the Anthropology Museum and the food there. And my time driving down to Bacalar, diving in cenotes and near Cozumel was amazing, too. I’ll definitely do something similar in my next Christmas holidays, too. / In April I took part in an education program organized by the city of Munich. We went to Montreal and Quebec Cité in order to learn about the Canadian education/integration system. It was nice to practise my French and meet a few new people. I especially liked Maxim and Martina but Yvonne and Christine (who would go to concerts and museums with me) were lovely as well. / Later that year I went to England with my students. We lived with a host family (lots of drama but amazing Iranian cooking – they had an annoying granddaughter living with them and a gorgeous garden, even some foxed running through it at night). We stayed in Broadstairs but visited Canterbury and London, too. We had a pretty good time even though we had to send a few pupils home because they were stupid enough to buy weed under our watch. / In the summer holidays I went to India and Nepal – alone, because Bibi, who was supposed to join me, suddenly got diagnosed for psychosis. I wasn’t really looking forward to the trip anymore but in the end it turned out to be quite transformative and impressive. It was super fucking exhausting, travelling through India without a real plan, alone, as a woman – not something I’d necessarily recommend but I think it made me grow a lot. I’m glad I did it. However, I came home early. I should have gone to Mumbai to fly home from there but it was monsoon season and I was so weary that I just booked a flight straight from Kathmandu. / That fall we went on a sailing trip to the Netherlands with our students. I loved seeing the North Sea / Waddenzee islands for the first time. Texel was really beautiful with its dunes, beaches and the lovely Dutch architecture. / One day before New Year’s Eve Andre saved me and invited me to go on a day trip to the Czech Republic. We had lots of fun in the old town, going clubbing and waking up in our hotel room on the first day of the new year with David Bowie watching over us.

FASHION - What was your most beloved/favorite outfit? How would you describe your style this year? How did the way you dress change? // I guess I still wore lots of sportswear and bathing suits. I stuck to the ankle jeans and Reebok sneakers, T-shirt and maybe a flannel shirt kind of style. In summer I got a bit more creative and dragged out some nice dresses. My most important accessoire were big headbands. I must have about 15 by now. So I always made sure to choose interesting colour and texture combinations. However, I gained a bit of the weight back, so I didn’t get too adventurous. You’d mainly see me in Monki clothes (boxy oversize blouses with a knot), an old Joy Division shirt and black jeans. Some other items I loved wearing: harem pants, dresses from India, snake skin booties, cowboy boots and a purple silk jacket from a second hand store in Montréal. And I invented a new, artsy way of painting my nails. Expressionist - with lots of paint strokes and lines or black dots.

MUSIC - What were some of your favorite records and songs? What song will always remind you of this year? What song lyrics reverberated with you? // In Canada, I went to so many concerts with Yvonne and Christine. We saw TEKE::TEKE, Les Breastfeeders, Ohmme, the Kalmunity Jazz Project and Bayonne. We just chose randomly, whatever was on that evening, but I absolutely fell in love with Bayonne. He played another concert in Munich that fall and I bought tickets as soon as I found out. His music got more and more important for me. I also saw the Sex Slaves / Raygun Rebels, Chilly Gonzales (!), Jaya the Cat, SYML, The National and Mine. Oh yes, and of course I attended my friend Christian’s annual orchestra performance. When I think back to 2019 I can’t remember much music I listened to – apart from Bayonne and some yoga mantras. I guess I didn’t have Spotify Premium that year and I was much too busy reading books anyway. However, I got really into karaoke

CULTURE - What were the most interesting exhibitions you saw? Any creative workshops or theatre visits? // To be honest, I’m writing this in 2020 and the world has changed. It is so strange to me how much I did last year. It feels excessive. And I know, back then it felt like I still wasn’t doing enough. So I’ll have to tune in, try to feel my way back into that year. To begin with, there were uncountable cinema visits, evenings at the pub quiz and karaoke nights. Apart from that, I went to the theatre a lot and saw quite a few interesting exhibitions:

• Theatre/cabaret: Der Brandner Kaspar und das ewig' Leben (Volkstheater) / Macbeth, Melancholia, The Vacuum Cleaner (Kammerspiele) / John Cleese (Gasteig) / Being Norwegian (Eine-Welt-Haus) / Romeo&Juliet (Entity Theatre, Theatron Westpark) / Pottymouth by Sharul Channa (Sidecar, New Delhi), Velvet Voyage Burlesque Show (Drehleier) and another burlesque show on Halloween.
• Exhibitions: Musées nationals des beaux-arts (Québec/Montréal) / semester exhibition (ADBK Munich) / Guerilla Girls performance speech and Miriam Cahn‘s Ich als Mensch (Haus der Kunst) / ArtMUC (Munich) / Die Fäden der Moderne (Kunsthalle) / Museum der Moderne (Salzburg) / EcoMare (Texel,NL) / National Museum (New Delhi)
• I also visited lots of temples in India and Nepal. My favourite places were the Beatles Ashram in Rishikesh and the Vashishta Gufa Meditation Cave. Witnessing the cremations at Marnikarnika Ghat in Varanasi left a deep impression on me as well.

MATERIALISM - Something you wished for and got (for yourself)? // Some of the best things I bought this year are an impulse buy in a Canadian mall (a Lululemon thermos bottle) and a weighted therapy blanket. Another Canadian find I still love is the ceramic moon phase mug from Québec Cité. I bought lots of plants and a lovely plant stand, a new blender, a sturdy pill box (sounds like I’m ancient but I just love taking a variety of supplements every day), a new phone. And I went wild in India and Nepal where I mainly bought clothes, gemstones, jewellery, brass objects and a bag for my yoga mat. I also brought some skulls and spices from Mexico! I guess I spent most of my money on plane tickets as per usual.

MOVIES/TV - Your favourite films and TV shows of the year. // Not a very interesting movie year to be honest. I didn't watch a whole lot of films, the only movie I remember quite fondly is Rocketman (2019). Here are some series I enjoyed:

• The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
• Fleabag
• Russian Doll
• How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)
• Trinkets
• Norsemen

BOOKS - Your favourite books/stories/poems/plays. // I'm really quite proud of myself because I read 100 books this year! I basically stopped buying them so I became a regular at Munich's libraries.

Good writing, an intriguing story, a special something:

• Siri Hustvedt - What I Loved
• Sarah Kuttner - Kurt
• Angela Carter - Nights at the Circus
• Hanya Yanagihara - Ein wenig Leben
• Hermann Hesse - Der Steppenwolf
• Andy Weir - Artemis
• Hank Green - An Absolutely Remarkable Thing
• Mareike Fallwickl - Das Licht ist hier viel heller
• Berit Glanz - Pixeltänzer

Guily pleasure:

• Ben Aaronovitch's Rivers of London series (absolutely obsessed)
• Laini Taylor - Daughter of Smoke and Bone

On feminism:

• Margarete Stokowski's Die letzten Tage des Patriarchats and Untenrum frei
• Laurie Penny - Bitch Doktrin

Independent, adventurous women:

• Lea Rieck - Sag dem Abenteuer, ich komme
• Sarah Marquis - Allein durch die Wildnis

An interesting concept:

• Michael Bohmeyer, Claudia Cornelsen - Was würdest Du tun?: Wie uns das Bedingungslose Grundeinkommen verändert