See January to understand what I'll be talking about lmao

• 01/03: Tomorrow's the day, I'm so anxious, lord help me
  • This experience scares me waaaay more than the Cambridge exam bc in this case you have to converse with people, and it's not like I can stop to think before replying, or I'll look stupid?? It's been a long time since I've spoken English with someone and the last time it didn't go that well, I still remember how much my voice trembled lmao
  • Looks like Dutch people are the best English speakers in Europe so yes, I'll be royally fu**ed tomorrow
• 04: Had a panic attack and two nosebleeds, but things went…well???
  • I'm quite happy about this first day, the girls are lovely, and we've had fun today, but I wish I talked more. I tend to only talk if asked, I wish I was more of an extrovert like they are.
  • Now, the only thing that's scaring me is that damn business plan that we'll have to create and the presentation in front of everyone else. I want to cry lmao
  • Gonna write every little detail about today in my journal so that I can remember that I'm able to do things If I want to and that I should never let my anxiety stop me .
    • ❝ Take the moment and taste it, you've got no reason to be afraid ❞
• 05: Today we had lectures, and they were very enlightening on topics that I never studied before. We also visited a theatre nearby and had lunch there, but I actually didn't eat until 6pm since they cooked things that I can't eat bc of my gastritis, sigh
  • Got divided into groups for our project, I'm anxious, but the girls are lovely. Hopefully I can open up more and actually give some helpful insight on our ideas.
  • I have this thing where I have to have a material proof that things happened to me, so I've started a tiny collection to memorize these days: a sugar sachet from the restaurant we ate at on our first day and a cool coaster from the theatre.
• 06: Had meetings with different associations all day. I've learned a lot these days, but I've also got inspired from all the stories and testimonies that these people told us about. Dreaming about something and seeing it happened in front of your own eyes must be so emotional.
  • We went to a park, I drunk the tastiest orange juice I've ever tasted, we soaked in the sun and we took some photos. Life's nice.
  • Another addition to my collection: a yellow card with a smile drawn on it from an activity we participated in.
• 07: Today's the last day, and I'm both sad and relieved. I'm sad because I feel like I could have done more, I could have spoken more with them, I could've participated in the dinners and I could have established a stronger relationship with the girls. I'm relieved because I'm mentally exhausted, my brain has been working super hard these days and I need a break.
  • I'm proud of myself for accepting the offer, I'm proud of myself for how hard I've tried to overcome my anxiety and shyness each day, I'm proud of myself for the way I dealt with new people, new places and new subjects. Could I have done more? Yes, but I've given it my all, I swear.
• 08/29: February has gone by without any other piece of news. This is gonna be a list of random little things that happened after that week:
  • The cat distribution system is real, my dad found the most gorgeous kitten ever and my grandma decided to keep her!!
  • The exam is still nowhere to be seen, sigh.
  • I've always journaled, but I feel like I've gone back to journaling seriously again?? I used to feel like my journal had to be perfect and aesthetic like the ones I see on pinterest, but I've gone back to my teenage roots, and I've never felt happier. Now I do random spreads, playlist pages, I cut out magazines, and I'm not afraid to make it look "ugly".