xx relationship baseline / northstar

• enough trust that neither of us feel compelled to inspect phones / following lists
• enough security that I don't feel a need to monitor his behavior around other people
• equal adult partnership where both of us manage our own lives
• thoughtful, emotionally stable, capable partner
• want to be able to relax and be imperfect without feeling like I must constantly perform
• want both of us to have meaningful friendships and sources of support outside of the relationship
• want a partner who is proud of my accomplishments and does not require me to make myself smaller
• want to be honest with myself and my family / friends about how I am being treated, w/o feeling any need to make excuses or sugarcoat
• want closeness without the need for constant contact or the loss of anyone's independence
• i want us to prioritize each other meaningfully w/ the understanding that there will be times when we cannot prioritize each other
• direct communication vs. needing to guess if something is wrong
• want emotional labor, difficult conversations, and conflict repair to be a shared responsibility
• want to be held accountable for my actions so I can better meet the needs of my partner
• want ordinary human mistakes to be met w/ accountability and growth (not repeated immaturity)
• want a relationship free of manipulation, coercion, punishment, emotional blackmail, and chronic insecurity-driven behavior