i go breaking my own heart. go sailing in pitch of night in ice-choked waters. gore myself open like the doomed maiden of the sea. flood control doors slam down, a solid foot of iron. i go breaking my own heart.

girl from the dirt, oh my darling girl from the dirt. what do you want? why isn't what we have enough? why aren't we enough?

• i feel apologetic. i feel like i stole you from her. i don't deserve you and i stole you from her. she doesn't deserve this. she's probably in a lot of pain while i get to be happy. it's not fair
• i don't feel like i'm enough. i'm tired and the straightness of my back and quirk of my lips are all just an act. i'm not a real or genuine person. i am tired and i am just pretending. even as much as i try
• i wasn't meant for any of this. i knew who i was. i know who i am supposed to be. i know i am deactivating. but i feel like this is just entropy. the way i am supposed to be. expel every last product and breath of warm steam