Okay so this is basically just a wall of text describing things about me, get ready

• Huh, I'm not sure where to start. I'm very passionate about things, especially fandoms like Hollow Knight; that's shown in how much fan art I make, and the fact that I can sit down and write an entire essay on the game without even thinking about it. I love music, especially if I can find a deeper meaning in it, or if the song invokes a very specific (and possibly unintentional) image or story just from the sound. A perfect example of that is the FEZ soundtrack. I love drawing, although I know I'm too hesitant to try new things, and I usually try too hard to copy my references, when I use them. I'm best at creating things when I have a backbone to go off of; I have quite a few OCs in the worlds of Hollow Knight, Warriors, etc. but I don't have too many characters of my own. As a slight contradiction, I enjoy writing, but I find myself better at worldbuilding and laying out basic events for a story rather than writing it out in full. I recognize some of my flaws--my painful shyness, my paranoid and skittish nature, my reluctance to try anything new both in art and elsewhere, my dependence on others, my tendency to cling to games/books/music as if they were my life force, and my laziness and procrastination, just to name a few--and while I'd love to change them, I either don't know how or I'm too afraid to try. To move on, I love making people happy; sometimes (usually in public) I'll see someone and hope that their day is going well. "Whoever is driving that car, I hope you're happy. I hope you're okay." "To that stranger in the blue shirt, I hope you're having a nice day." "I wonder what would be different if everyone in this store was happy?" and other things of that nature. I don't say any of these things out loud to anyone, but they are there. As I mentioned in one of the other lists, I also leave papers with drawings and well wishes everywhere I go. I vividly remember the first one I did: It was at Cactus Jack's, must have been sometime in 2017, and I drew a winged cat with some lyrics from Antigravity by Starset. I used the signature ~K for a while before switching to ⱤⱠ, though I believe I already had the username Rotten Legacy when I started making them in the first place. But this isn't a history of my drawings, it's a very long and ramble-y description of my personality. At the moment I have no interest in finding a partner, partly because I know what love can do to people. "Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness? Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?" is a good quote that comes to mind.

This is a more detailed section about some of my flaws; what I mean by them and, if I know, why I have them.

• Painful shyness and/or social awkwardness - I feel like this came from the fact that I'm homeschooled, and in my opinion, a little shielded. I'm terrible in any and all social interactions. I never know what to say or do. When anyone says anything to me, I tend to internally panic, afraid that I'll look or sound strange even if they're simply complimenting my hair. I prefer to not speak at all, but when I have to say something (like ordering food at a restaurant or responding to a question) I feel like I'm too quiet or that my voice cracks too much from lack of use. I also hate making eye contact, especially with strangers. I feel like I generally set off red flags for people, though I don't mean to--I keep to myself, I'm very quiet, I'm wearing a hoodie even in summer, I'm drawing on the back of my hand, I'm staring at the floor, if I'm talking to someone I pause or cut myself off in the middle of a sentence when someone passes me, and when I accidentally make eye contact with someone, I quickly look away. Sometimes I walk with my hands in my pockets, too, which is another thing. Part of this is intentional; I don't want to look approachable when I'm in public, to hopefully deter any creeps who want to stalk or harass someone. Part of the reason I wear a hoodie is because I've been told that I'm attractive, and I want to cover myself up so I'm not hit on or anything.
• Reluctance to try anything new - I know this partially comes from my dad; I grew up pretty poor, and I still am poor, and my dad was not afraid to hammer it into everyone's head. This goes hand in hand with another quality of mine, though I wouldn't consider it a flaw: I hate being wasteful. I do like trying new food, drinks, games, whatever--but I don't, because I'm afraid I won't like it, and I don't want to waste the money spent on it. I feel like if I took one bite of a meal that I ended up disliking, my dad would make me feel guilty for wasting his hard-earned money. I know he's not like this anymore, he has enough to make up for it, but the mentality still hasn't left me.
• Dependence on others - w.i.p.
• Clinging to fandoms - I feel that a good way to describe this one is to take a quote directly from the overview of the INTP personality type: "When Logicians' interest is captured, their absence goes beyond social matters to include the rest of the physical world. Logicians become forgetful, missing even the obvious if it's unrelated to their current infatuation, and they can even forget their own health, skipping meals and sleep as they muse." Now, I would say that's a bit of an exaggeration, but when I think about it, I do tend to forgo sleep and bathroom breaks when I'm particularly interested in things. That is partially because of my insomnia, though...I don't tend to feel tired until I'm bored. More often than not, I stay awake for 24 hours or more simply because I still have things I want to do. If I'm not bored, it's near impossible for me to sleep. Anyway, insomnia is not the focus of this section. As the quote said, when I find something that interests me, I tend to become full-on obsessed with it. VVVVVV unfortunately only held my full attention for three months, but in that time I got all but one achievement (not an easy task), replayed the game countless times, and sunk probably well over 50 hours into it--and this is a game that I can usually beat in under twenty minutes. I even dyed my hair blue (a feature that I still have today) to cosplay as Victoria, my favorite character, for Halloween. Then, uhh..Hollow Knight came along. It was difficult to admit that a game I had been so obsessed with had lost its throne so quickly, but to be fair, I had hardly played any full-priced games in my life. You can again thank my poor upbringing for that. The thing is, no other game had hit me like that before. Rogue Legacy was fantastic; the dialogue and story were what drew me in the most. Then there was VVVVVV, with a few more characters and a lot more personality. The story, the dialogue, the music, the sound effects--I loved everything about it. Then came Hollow Knight, which took everything I loved about VVVVVV and magnified it tenfold. Where VVVVVV had a simple story, Hollow Knight had a complex, intriguing background, and lore that made my heart feel like it had been thrown into a blender. Where VVVVVV had motivating, upbeat chiptunes, Hollow Knight had stunning and emotionally crushing orchestral themes. Where VVVVVV was a mostly cheerful and light game, Hollow Knight had the darkest, most depressing story I had ever seen in a video game. And when I learned all this, I realized that it was exactly my style. Don't get me wrong--I still adore VVVVVV. It's still in my top three games. I just love Hollow Knight so much more. Now that my obsession with it has lasted almost nine months, I find it hard to believe that any other game would replace it as easily as it replaced VVVVVV--any other game except for its sequel, Silksong, of course. But that...still isn't exactly what I mean to talk about here. Video games, music, and books have inspired me more than anything else. Hollow Knight, FEZ, and VVVVVV have made me want to learn to play the piano. Owl City helped me out of a dark time; Disasterpeace got me started on deep analysis of instrumental themes; other artists have encouraged me to improve my singing. Brandon Mull, Erin Hunter, and Christopher Paolini have inspired me to start building my own fantasy world and, through their masterful writings, taught me what makes a fictional world realistic. I genuinely believe that my life would have much less meaning without these things, and there are many more that I didn't mention. Video games have made me question my morality, improve my reflexes, see life from a different perspective; some have even helped me get better at character design and inspired me to keep drawing. Music has helped me in my darkest times, made me more confident, and generally brightened my day more times than I could possibly count. Books have taught me about worldbuilding, character design, and many other things. Again, there's so much more that I didn't include here. I feel most people would probably be content with listing "gaming, music, reading" as their hobbies, but I feel like I need to name the things that have had such a monumental impact on my life. I can't describe who I am without mentioning the fandoms I am a part of. This is why I'm so passionate about the things I love--I feel like any less show of dedication wouldn't be giving them the first impression they deserve. I want it to be obvious in my text posts and signatures just how much these things mean to me, and based on what I've heard from others, I believe I've succeeded.
• Laziness and procrastination - w.i.p. (proving my point here)
• Short attention span - I feel this one is accurately shown in the 'Clinging to fandoms' section; you saw how long it took me to finally get to the point and explain why I'm so obsessed with the things I love. I get sidetracked easily. I don't like watching most movies and TV unless I can be doing something else at the same time. Even when watching YouTube videos, I'll often grab a sketchbook or open a new tab just so I can be doing something while I watch them. My mom thinks I have ADD, which makes sense.
• Over-explaining and overthinking - This is obviously a big one--you see how long this list is, right? I explain things in way too much unnecessary detail. When you clicked "...view..." on this list, you must have expected a wall of text (the warning at the top), but you most certainly didn't expect my entire life story. This makes it harder for me to tell jokes, I believe; I spend too long on the background which has nothing to do with the joke, so by the time I get to the punchline, people are bored and probably anticipating something much more amusing than what I actually say. It also makes it harder for me to write character backstories and posts online, because no one wants to read a wall of text, even if I did spend two hours of my life crafting it to what I would call perfection. It's also a bit difficult when someone asks me what Hollow Knight is about...I'd be more than happy to explain the entire lore and plot to you, but you surely won't be willing to listen for a solid half hour. So I'm forced to come up with a condensed version on the spot, which is extremely difficult and leaves me feeling like I left out important details. "But I feel like they need to know why exactly the Vessel was created...and what caused the Infection...and who the Dreamers are..." But the biggest problem this creates for me is, undoubtedly, in worldbuilding. I've been working on Paxunium for three years now, and I don't have anyone to help me. An overthinking INTP left unchecked with the task of creating an ENTIRE PLANET from scratch...this is why I hardly ever work on it anymore. Every time I look at it, it's overwhelming. There's so much to consider. I know that a lot of it is unimportant, but I don't have anyone to tell me what is and isn't important to work on. What constellations does Paxunium have? Does it have more than one moon? What is the timeline? What sort of societies are there? How are the mythical creatures treated by paxunians? Should I name their different languages? Should I try to transcribe their different languages? How long is a paxunian day? Month? Year? Does Paxunium have seasons like Earth? How long does the average paxunian live? These are just a fraction of all the questions I begin to ask myself whenever I start to work on it. I often regret my decision to make it a whole planet, but I can't really turn back now. Well--I could, but I don't like that idea very much. The easiest way to put onto paper what Paxunium looks like would be to draw five individual maps for each continent, then put them together. Keep in mind that I have never drawn a map of any sort before, and I have no idea how to scale things. And with an entire planet, it would take weeks if not months to make it to the other side of a single continent, let alone the globe, even if it is smaller than Earth. I have no idea how any of this works, and as much as I'd like to learn how to tackle this, I don't know where to start. I never know where to start. To go back to the original subject, which I entirely forgot about until just now, my overthinking got me into this, and it's certainly not helping me get out. I even overthink simple questions; I'll give you a true story as an example, and this'll also show off my tendency to over-explain things! I was taking a personality quiz with my mom, and I believe one of the questions was "It's a Saturday morning and your car is dirty. What do you do?" Some of the options were things like "call some friends over to help me clean the car", "clean the car myself", "sleep in", etc. My mind, as usual, went into overdrive: "Well, what's the weather like? If it's too cold, too hot, or too rainy, I'm not leaving the house unless I need to. How much sleep have I gotten? How early in the morning is it? Have I stayed up all night? Is there anything more pressing that I need to do? How long has it been since I hung out with said friends? How dirty is my car? Is it dirty inside or outside?" All things I considered. To give another example of how deep a hole I've dug myself into, take that simple question and blow it up into an ENTIRE PLANET.
• Lack of motivation - w.i.p.