- i found this to be the best way to organize my thoughts and make plans for the future. i don't know if i want to talk about my feelings or make plans, but let's do both; in this note, i will talk about my feelings towards life.
- i'll begin by saying that i have never been so apathetic in my life. nothing motivates me or amuses me. i spend the whole day with a blank face. there are specific moments where i am forced to interact or to attend to some events, those moments is where i find some kind of forced strenght. but deeply in my heart, i lost track of the things i want to persue. i have a vague image in my mind though. my minds been spinning around, i don't know what decision or move to make. and i don't think i'm taking care of my food the way i am supposed to. i'm feeling so antisocial i can't even put into words. i am slowly losing my friends one by one. i haven't speak to the girls from my hometown in months and i don't plan to. haven't seen camila in a year and don't plan to. don't want to see or talk to kelvin.. i'm suspicious of iuri. and, finally i cannot stand that one person anymore, i'm not even aware of what i am feeling about him.
- let's dissect the reason behind this need to isolate myself.
- about the girls from here it's simple. i don't think they're people for me to rely on and they only talk about boys. since i don't have anything going on in my life, i simply don't wanna talk; camila makes me feel dumb and worthless, she also gets annoyed by simple things and it's difficult to satisfy her, our friendship is wounded, nothing is as it was before, she also made comments that i cannot forget. about kelvin i don't have the energy to interact, the fact that i'm unemployed also makes me ashamed. the boy in which i cannot mention also makes me feel dumb and his hobbbies is to make cruel comments that are beyond unacceptable, and that was the reason that i don't love him as i did before. the downfall of our relationship is already happening, he's just not fully aware yet. i don't know how long we'll keep in touch, i'm doing subtle things to make him step away. i simply deserve more than that.
- to sum up, that's all; this is bothering me, but i don't think we can have the answers to solve everything in life;
- things i'm looking foward to; shopping on monday, christmas and new year, making beautiful clothes, getting smarter, giving, improve drawings, making a new moodboard and wardrobe, making a new insta acc to learn, reading more, becoming smarter, watching my hair get longer, my face get clearer and lose 4kgs. and lastly the most important thing, be more risky in my 23 yrs
nov 20 2023 ∞
nov 21 2023 +