i'm asking for help in this letter. no one seems to listen to me, neither stand by my side. i'm in agony today, and i can't blame it on my period this time. instead, i'll tell the truth again, as i've been repeting here way too many times, can't tell if i was born with it and it's just a personality trait, if i'm too pessimistic or i'm just weak and chronically sensitive, to the point where i get stressed out and deeply hurt even by the smallest issues. i feel unhappy and tired. even tired of writing here. stuff that i've said more times than i can count, and, all of them sounds like a 15yo spoiled kid complaining about life, when in fact, i do have everything i need. and i'm still tired and unhappy. i feel too pressured, and it's not even by the people around me.. the pressure comes in my own head, i'm the one who likes to punish myself the most. i often say the meanest things to me, and see myself as a thing. yes, a thing. that doesn't deserve to be loved nor respected as an equal. this might be the reason why, everytime something happens that makes me feel down, i surrender myself to this feeling that might consume me once and for all. and magically, it's like all of te theories in my head and assumptions that i made about myself are true. and i don't deserve to strive. everyday i try to improve. do something with my life. feel useful. but i cannot deal with my mere insignificance. and, as i said above, i'm tired of trying. all i feel is fear 24 hours a day. by the time i wake up to the time i go to sleep. i wish i knew what to do and how to filter whats the pure truth and whats not in my mind. i cannot deal with this. and i'm too coward to think about suicide. all of the unfortunate events in the world are so unbeliavable. there's just so much that i'll never understand the reason behind their fate. my wish for today is to feel valuable by someone.