- at this point, i'm just waiting for christmas to come, so i can feel joy and have fun. i feel numb now. i fucked my sleep schedule again. i'm not in the mood to wake up early anymore. to be honest, i do love waking up early.. like before everyone else and having that moment of sipping coffee in peace and watching crap on youtube is so fulfilling..... but i'm not being able to do this on this month, which might be normal cause it's december, the end of the year, and everyone becomes naturally more anxious than usual and stuff. but on january i'll try to get back on track.. this year is over so i can't fight it . on christmas and new years eve everyone stays up late tho. so there's no problem at all.
- i'm learning a lot of stuff in this month. and i have courage too. flaws that i didn't fix and wounds that didnt become a scar yet but.... i'm more decesive for sure. holding grudges and stuff too.... i'ts inevitable . i'm also learning more tips on how to take care of myself and stuff. avoiding bad things and indecent people.
- ... i do feel hurt a lot.. and i mean it. it's like my whole body aches when i remember some things .
- my wishlist is truly huge rn... i might make a moodboard today. it'll be fun. i'll also edit my cv and apply for jobs today. and i'll try to sew and study; things that i've been avoiding for weeks now.
- and speaking of ''avoiding'', i'm avoiding about 2 boys rn. and one of them i actually like a lot. but i'm scared and i admit that i'm scared.... scared of getting attached again. (and scared of having a disastrous date, like my previous one. but God knows everything. so i'll just trust whatever comes at me . btw i'm kinda interested in the guy with a mustache that works next to me house.. i believe he flirts with me >..fidfoie8739y1o8ifnf i might.... yk.
- tomorrow i'll go to the movies. could be fun.
- virtual reality is more important than reality reality. its like... our lives on the internet is truly who we are.. we can fake everything very well you know. for example, yesterday i posted some pics on instagram... and people took a look, complimented me (a lot. and i wasn't expecting this at all) and, no one of them knows that i am broken inside.
dec 20 2022 ∞
dec 20 2022 +