- i'm so scared of interpreting things wrong. ignoring signs or not comprehending them properly. i just wish something came to me and tell me the whole truth about my path. about my time on this earth. i wish i knew exactly what to do. maybe then, everything would be less painful for me. and.. to talk about what i am feeling, it's very depressing. either i feel numb or completely stressed. i wish i knew exactly what to do. i want to be rewarded.. somehow, rewarded from my suffering. i wish i would feel equal to everybody else. now, everyone is ahead of me. i never had a true will to live, to be honest. and this has beeen going on for so long. i truly don't know what to do. i want to be grateful, but it's painful to live inside my own head. i just want to do things as i should. do things right for a year. accomplish what i want. stop feeling like trash and smaller than everyone. i feel so bad when people hurt me. i'm in autopilot and i feel no joy. i don't want to live the rest of my days like this.. i want a solution.. but i also feel so exhausted. i wish God would help me get out of this. i want to scream and cry. but i feel so numb that i'm incapable of that.
jan 13 2023 ∞
jan 13 2023 +