- i'm such a pussy.
- i keep complaining about nothing interesting happening in my life, but, when i get the opportunity to do something fun, i step back, since is out of my confort zone. but hear me out, this is not always true tho. i do take risks sometimes, i just don't wanna do this today. i feel like everyday i'm trying to please other people other than myself. i always feel the need to give them justifications for my personality or even my life. i wish i didn't care this much about what they think. to sum up, i don't wanna go out today, i'm sure i won't have fun. it's going to be pretty underwhelming, i just know that.
- i'd like to stay home and do nothing like i always do. it's better than collecting bad experiences, even tho i know i can learn from them. i just don't want to make this choice today. i can't explain fr.
- there's something bothering me too..... i can't mention it here but it is. it's like there's something physically hurting me. i'd say there's someone slapping the right side of my face, someone scratching my head AND someone pressing my stomach.. (honestly, don't even bother trying to decode this).
- another valid option, is that my lack of joy and motivation my be driven by depression. this whole year i've been apathetic. like, seriously. i don't feel like doing nothing, even the stuff i like. i'm always dissatisfied. and i don't want to sound dramatic, i really do mean what i am saying, it's been a few years since i felt this broken inside, i have so many traits that need fixing.. it's going to take a while till i can find some balance and become more joyful when it comes to life. it's like i'm drowning in my emptiness.. it's just sad. and it would be even sadder if i stopped trying, but i know very well that it takes time to fix me.
- the things i do and say are not effective for me to get better. in fact, selfpity does the opposite of that. but i wanted to take this burden off my mind for a little while
- i'm not a pussy;
- from the things i've been through since i was born, the situations i've been exposed to, the days where i endured when i just couldn't take it, the crying sessions that had been postponed, the times where i felt meaningless and small, the way people disappointed me in their first opportunity.. honestly. i am a brave girl. i say this with conviction that i am. if i did what i actually wanted, everyday i would surrender to my own mind and i wouldn't be able to leave the bed. so, if after all of this, i'm still standing, the credits on me.
- no one takes me seriously. they think they're better than me.
- i wish i could go to the place i dream about when i go to bed... the forest. where my mind and spirit are carefree.. and i'm the perfect version of myself.
oct 28 2022 ∞
oct 28 2022 +