• the year started so unexpected that i don't even know where i begibn. so, the end of last year was pretty chaotic and stuff, i got really stressed, my uncle came to rj to spend some time and he was in my house, and know everything is changed. my aunt divorced and came to out house instead, since january 1st.. wow.

life is truly unpredictable. i should tell you how i feel.. we are adapting quite well i guess. i'm also happy to help. beside this, i aim to get money and just make something with my creativity in general. i want to keep learning but i'm lacking the energy to. there are things i know i have to learn but i keep postponing and searching for quick dopamine, like every young adult in my age. speaking of age, i feel old about everything..i always feel like i'm late, i don't think there was any moment in my life where i didn't feel like i was late. or felt chronically guilty and ashamed of who i am. is so embarassing to say to everyone who i meet or check upon me that i am not doing anything for 3 years straight.. i simply do not know what else can i do to leave this situation. i wish i could be smarter and get rid of this embarassment.. please God.... i need to work.. i need some direction. i'm always worrying about this.

• the thing i've been caring about is getting prettier, next month will be focused on my health, weight and my skin. i can do better. i can take care of myself. i need to be smart i need to be smart. i neeed to keep practicing. it's kinda boring to do things by myself. but theres a good side to everything i guess.

wish i had a good notebook. my wishlist is so huge rn. i'm also grateful for a lot of things. my room, my space, my family, having support and stuff. thank you. so yeah. i keep the same things on my mind. i never truly change. i know i have to take more risks...