the little things i need to remind myself about; 2013.

• (09/01) teachers don't pressure or expect you to be the highest-achieving student, but they believe that you have the ability to achieve your goals. don't treat it as a demotivator and don't act like you need to impress them constantly - it's simply their ability to believe in you, that should be the driving force and encouragement. it's a good thing - no pressure!
• (11/01) speaking more has a positive effect; you may stumble, you may stutter and you may lose all coherency (everyone does once in a while), but once you have your opinion out there and when people listen to you and engage in an active discussion with you – you can feel the enthusiasm.
• (17/01) being a quiet, introverted person doesn't necessarily have to hold you back. that's the social anxiety.
• (20/01) late nights and nostalgia don't take away from the fact that you got away from someone who tried (and still tries) to control every facet of you, imparting degrading and insulting opinions on your valid life choices. remember that.
• (23/01) you're being consumed by your own imagined inadequacies, and you're letting it sicken you. stop doubting yourself. just stop.
• (21/02) the message came at the right time. inspirational.
• (21/03) not all teachers support you, but the ones who spend 30 minutes in the library while in the middle of a lesson to talk to you and make sure you're happy, do.
• (27/03) god bless susan cain!
• (27/03) build a bridge and get over it. be proud of your achievements; don't be jealous of others. it's far, far more satisfying to breathe out and congratulate them; tell them that you're proud of them. they've worked hard too - even harder than you. however, that doesn't remove your own value. you deserve what you have achieved so far (SMF, control of anxiety, a voice, house captain) and you will achieve so much more in the next year. don't let it get to you!
• (28/03) you have an amazing bunch of friends and, you know what? you do deserve them a little. you're a good friend too.
• (28/03) 36 w/ 18 higher points is good enough to get into ucl.
• (02/09) this summer built up your confidence and allowed you to breathe. please retain it; don't let anybody bring you down. all you need to compare yourself to is yourself, and your own achievements. don't postpone what you can do today.
• (30/10) a thought that gets reiterated subconsciously: i feel great about myself and my achievements; i finally feel confident and self-assured. i have optimism and i think i've finally achieved being the guiding hand for others that i've always wanted to be. 2013 is a year of goals achieved and obstacles overcome. keep it up for the daunting months ahead, self!
• (30/10) "you're more charming than you think."
• (01/11) 항상 웃어요.
• (13/12) you've got some innate intelligence. own it.
• (14/12) you've had a rough november after the most perfect week, but you're going to get through it and you're going to be okay. becoming anxious again over conversation is a step backwards, but it's easier to push forward now. december is picking up pretty fast. enjoy the last few days of the best year you've ever experienced. ♡
• (14/12) ps: you've managed to retain the thought about never comparing yourself to others. DAILY MANTRA. so proud!
• (31/12) this year has passed by in a blur, but after two years of apathy, it felt good to finally burst out of that shell. i don't know what to attribute it to the most - the fact that i finally stood up and took as many opportunities as i could possibly get thrown at me, the fact that i became more open as a person and as a friend, the fact that people left my life and i put up blockades against those i knew would hurt me. my support network extended, and barn family got even better (worse). my own outlook on life became so much more positive; although i still break down sometimes, i'm not as nervous or socially awkward as before and i really feel comfortable in my own skin and as my own person. i don't compare myself to others anymore and that's the real accomplishment. my grades are looking better and i know that my only resolution for next year is to do the very best i can, the way i know i can, and be happy with what i achieve. i hope this time next year, i'm academically where i want to be - and a large part of that is down to my actions from this point forward. good luck, self - i know you can do it, and you'll have six shooting stars looking over you, although one sister will be on the other side of the world. i can really do it, if i pull myself up and dust myself off. goodbye, 2013. thank you for being the best summer and year of my life. ♡