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- 14 May 2012 || (but when is love ever enough?)
- 25 May 2012 || you could've radiated like the sun, you know, and blind us all with your light. instead you chose to hide away behind storm clouds. such a pity.
- 26 May 2012 || "give him enough time. he'll destroy you." – dark shadows
- 27 May 2012 || words interlacing with venom charmed out from your snakebite smile; you're poison, darling, honey dosed poison
- 27 May 2012 || i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, for not being adequate, for never being enough. I'm sorry I can't be a fucking ray of sunshine.
- 27 May 2012 || perhaps i've already sunk to the bottom of the ocean, hoping for the help that will never come
- 28 May 2012 || rotting and deteriorating into specks of dust.
- 28 May 2012 || today I want only to disappear between pages, cradled by the hooks of g's and y's, swallow the dots of i's and j's, breathe only words. i am but a joke.
- 30 May 2012 || white lies to cover up red lines. you draw maps with a razor blade as though that will help you find your way back home and find yourself once again. it doesn't work that way. i wish i knew.
- 31 May 2012 || you've set me aflame with your burning hatred of me; let my ashes free, let it dance. please.
- 31 May 2012 || drink up, love. drown yourself with your velvet red blood.
- 1 Jun 2012 || I seek company of only those who have the potential to make me feel as though I am nothing, those who will destroy me when I am not needed.
- 2 Jun 2012 || cloudy mornings. murky thoughts. I'm tipping at the edge of a cliff, balancing between wanting to fall and wanting to run into a prison cage
- 2 Jun 2012 || I'm choking on wasted minutes wasted hours wasted days for when the minute-hand and the hour-hand tangle with one another. I'm losing it.
- 6 Jun 2012 || ever unquenchable thirst for attachment
- 8 Jun 2012 || what if you stripped me bare, cracked open my rib cage, looking for a heart only to find coal black ashes of its remnants
- 8 Jun 2012 || tell me where to go when I am not needed anymore. I will be okay then. I will move on.
- 9 Jun 2012 || we'll slip away and hide among the stars once the sun sets.
- 9 Jun 2012 || crystalline lips, sharp and cold on mine.
- 11 Jun 2012 || all I ask is to disappear. no more, no less.
- 11 Jun 2012 || brand yourself with scars and blood and bruises to prove you're worthwhile
- 12 Jun 2012 || algae eyes. moon lips. chasing illusions; you drown me, you drown me.
- 14 Jun 2012 || I want to wake up into a new person, fitted into a perfect new skin.
- 15 Jun 2012 || the burning of stomach acid, the ever insatiable hunger, became my only reason to live
- 15 Jun 2012 || ghosts you're so attached to you're too scared to set free
- 16 Jun 2012 || I want to wither away, carried by the winds, get lost in the sea
- 17 Jun 2012 || I feel like thunderstorms today. & rain clouds & summer heat & winter cold & splintering icebergs that cut & scar & bruise & break.
- 18 Jun 2012 || with his head in the clouds, the boy speaks only in chimeras, ricocheting in me. (he feels like a dream)
- 24 Jun 2012 || you make me wish I was the bottle you keep by your bedside every night.
- 25 Jun 2012 || for every swallow of food I take, it stabs
- 26 Jun 2012 || he breathes glitterdust while I fumble with my words.
- 26 Jun 2012 || hide behind mirrors because no one looks at them expecting to find anyone else but themselves
- 27 Jun 2012 || cascading waterfalls and rainbows, sunlight peaking through; it is a brand new day.
- 27 Jun 2012 || you were the kind of perfect words could only dream to capture
- 27 Jun 2012 || someone teach me how to breathe, speak, live like a proper, normal human being because I've been finding myself unable to function these days
- 27 Jun 2012 || question I wish people would stop asking me: how are you?
- 27 Jun 2012 || words, they fester inside me, eating up my insides, corrode me. I feel empty.
- 27 Jun 2012 || these days, whenever I speak, I spill and pour as though I'd break if I don't get the words out
- 28 Jun 2012 || dream. of vacant night skies, half-moons and stars too bright.
- 29 Jun 2012 || caffeine-crazed conversations
- 30 Jun 2012 || I'm the person who has it all, but wanted nothing at all. the one who has everything that wasn't asked for, yet given nothing that is begged for.
- 30 Jun 2012 || I'd carve out my insides- lungs, heart etc, kneel till my knees bleed, work till I breathe, drink, spill blood, anything and everything, all to have the control back. an acid-flaming empty stomach, bones, and more bones protruding.
- 30 Jun 2012 || order up: uncountable cups of disgust with a mix of guilt, hatred, and a hint of deception with a disgustingly sweet pungent smell.
- 30 Jun 2012 || there is no doubt that I have lots of words inside me; but at moments, like rush-hour traffic at the mouth of a tunnel, they jam. –John Updike
- 30 Jun 2012 || nicotine nectar, that's what you are.
- 1 Jul 2012 || nothing fills you up like the emptiness from self-starvation
- 3 Jul 2012 || "I will continue to chant, "I do not exist" until it becomes true." –bedflowers
- 6 Jul 2012 || cobwebbed eyes; you see the world in fragments.
- 8 Jul 2012 || "tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down." –girl, interrupted
- 8 Jul 2012 || stop comparing. stop comparing yourself with others. stop comparing others with others. stop making everything a competition. just stop. life is not a fucking competition. even if it is, I never will be up to par to compete anyway.
- 8 Jul 2012 || wall breached, the glue that once held the brick wall together is wearing out. now, brick by brick they fall.
- 8 Jul 2012 || carving maps on your thighs does not make you feel less lost, it only fuels your emptiness. red lines, white lies, plastered fake smiles. I am clouded by mists of narcissism. I need a time off from being affiliated with people.
- 11 Jul 2012 || I sent a billet-doux dripping wet with my blood. is that not enough?
- 20 Jul 2012 || I am tired of holding people together, of holding everyone up.
- 21 Jul 2012 || I am a drifter, the unspoken conversations between two strangers, the smudged lines between best friends and lovers, the stretched silences, the distanced spaces between lovers, the echoes of emptiness of words and promises. I am the hollowness you feel resonating in you.
- 22 Jul 2012 || physical contact = worst trigger. I want to throw up and cut and burn and shrink and disappear into ashes and float along with the wind
- 22 Jul 2012 || my head has been all over the place the past week. it's been all over the wrong places my whole life.
- 27 Jul 2012 || lover's muse, lover's fool, what more do you want than your lover's spit
- 1 Aug 2012 || August came too soon.
- 1 Aug 2012 || you are nothing to me (or so I tell myself).
- 2 Aug 2012 || you are my starts, my moon. (I will make you whole tonight and we will outshine even the sun)
- 2 Aug 2012 || staying up to reconcile feelings, make up lost time etc.
- 3 Aug 2012 || a perfectionist that is far too lazy
- 6 Aug 2012 || remember the days when all we ever get high on were candies and sugar, and mother's cup of coffee.
- 26 Dec 2012 || if only time lingers on the way trauma does. if only time clings to your every breath the way ghosts do.
- 30 Dec 2012 || I'm aching all over, and I'm okay. I'm okay.
aug 20 2014 ∞
jan 2 2017 +
jan 2 2017 +