there is something refreshing about posting words on a page for strangers to read. it isn't the same as a journal or a diary or word documents on your computer, because those are for yourself. but there is a certain reassurance when you know that even though you never know, there's always a chance someone you don't know has read your deepest thoughts. before this, i drafted emails to my older sister. shes a very conflicting, yet important figure in my life, and whenever i have something to say that i wish i could tell her to her face but am too scared, i put it in an email and date it. they are all scheduled to send on her first birthday away from home. i have never told a single soul about these emails, though sometimes i come close. some of them are ragey, ranting and screaming at her through the injustices of our relationship. others are supportive and kind, cheery with enthusiasm. some are more placid, simply like a filler telling what things have happened between the last email and the current one, fixing gaps in memories. they are for me more than her, because i know if something were to happen to me, id already have closure and this might give her some too.

10:03 PM EST