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i am a 17 year old bibliophile.
i have severe nyctophobia.

"you could claim that anything's real if the only basis for believing in it is that nobody's proved it doesn't exist."

"so, all of time and space. anything that ever happened or ever will. where do you want to start?"

astrum lux lucis! follows:
dylan books (to read.)
love machine to do (to do.)
crushes (boyfriends.)
hobbies (colors i want to dye my hair.)
a. television (guilty pleasures)
  • 3 years old: my grandpa was in the hospital, dying of lung cancer. my mom took me to see him two days before he died. he died, nobody told me, and about a week later we moved. i kept asking "how's grandpa going to find us when he gets out of the hospital?" and my mom wouldn't answer me. we moved a few more times, and it didn't occur to me that he must've died until i was about 5 years old.
  • 5 years old: the kite incident. my parents got divorced when i was 2. my dad never came to visit me. one day, he stops by, gives me a dollar store kite, and leaves. i take it to the playground and start trying to assemble it, which he didn't even stick around for. the sticks were broken. i tried for hours to put it together because i thought i was just doing it wrong.
  • all of the times i peed myself in elementary school and everyone laughed at me.
  • the day my first best friend (4th - 8th grade) didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
  • my last day in cape coral. not being able to say goodbye to my friends. the entire drive to miami. i just wanted to break down and cry, but i couldn't because my family was in the car.
  • my first night in miami. i've never felt so alone.
  • when i found out that you had sex with her. i've never felt like that before. it felt like you scooped out my insides and replaced them with ice.
  • the few moments before i was supposed to go into that mri machine. i've never felt so scared.
jun 30 2010 ∞
apr 18 2015 +
user picture Amsyy: I know I don't know you, but I'm here for you if you ever need it. I've experienced stuff like this before and it's just... Ugh. The second to last one, the one about scooping out your insides and replacing them with ice, I felt like that, when he fell in love with someone else... jun 30 2010
user picture astrum lux lucis!: thank you, that means a lot. and it's a horrible feeling. one i don't think i'll ever forget.
user picture Katherine: That kite incident hurts. It reminds me of when my father left. I still dont know why.. sep 24 2010