so these are from newest to oldest. sort of.

Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ

• scrubs and grub
• I DEFY THE LAWS OF MESS
• STOP ROGHT THERE WENCH
• today i'm in complete bitch mode, wait that's every day
• i just screamed beef party like 50 times thanks to that hashtag oh my GOD
  • (to carese)
• so i'm awake and about to get my rice on
• THIS IS ME SCREAMING AT YOU BECAUSE NIALL!!1!!!!11!!!
• THIS RICE IS GOING DOWN MY WINDPIPE HOLY GOD
• #BADGERSAREBEAUTIFUL
• yes ugh but the brICK OVEN PLACE BY THE CHURCH IS MY PIZZA QUEEN (KING?)
• why did i just start choking? cause my best friend is the funniest
• watching skateboarding and getting pizza later. i'm practically a teenage mutant ninja turtle
• i am stokedy stoked \mm/
• why do i feel like i'm going to puke rainbows and sunshine omg
• i literally jUST opened it and fell off my bed screaming CAAAAAAAAAAAT asdfghydgiydgi
• BRB KILLING MYSELF
• MY DAD IS SINGING CHER LLOYD WHY ISN'T CARESE HERE TO HEAR THIS OMFG
• i feel like a corpse
• i'm gonna hulk smash this wall jfc
• FUCKING MIGRAINES
• late night usher jams while i kill google chrome :)
• this guy blinks like a drug addict, jesus christ
• I'M HAVING GYMNASTICS FEELS AND YOU ARE LOST IN ELECTRONIC LIMBO
• i feel the beat of death in my stomach and my dad is flipping shit over a youtube video filmed with a potato. WHY ME.
• what the fresh hell is this
• my dad is listening to the chipmunk version of i'm on a boat and his head is craned so far back omfg
• i am about to smash through this wall like the hulk, it's so bendy
• are you dead/snail/msn
• I JUST FLAILED OUT OF MY BED
• my dad is laughing at a commercial about a guy kicking a bear in the nuts for a fish. it's from the UK.
• kill them
• i feel like barf today
• PRAISE ALLAH
• EXCUSE BUT NO
• GREAT SUCCESS
• \m/
• \m/-_-\m/
• \mm/
• HAHAHAHAHA i'm going to drown in my water bottle now
• getting warped with my homies
• HOLY TOOT
• HOLY APPLES OMFG
• holy fuck, i actually feel like i might throw up all my internal organs right now
• i haven't elevated in so long omfg
• I JUST WANT A FUCKING HOAGIE, GODDAMN
• calm your clams
• MY PHONE FROZE ON IT AND I YELLED OF ALL UNHOLY THINGS WHY THAT
• this headache is balls
• happy birthday to my megaphone wheeling buddy @omyj0sh
• i can hear Call Me Maybe playing acROSS THE HIGHWAY AND A PARKING LOT
• AFRO BIRTHDAY CIRCUS OMFG
• IT'S SO HOT OMG KILL EVERYTHING
• my autocorrect decided bahaha = bahahamas
• oh okay lol lame though i mean what kind of place denies you your copy/paste rights that's just wrong man
• DM IT UP YO!!!!
• we're out of dish soap. i'm going rogue.
• HEY YOU AREN'T DEAD
• whoever decided to send bongo playing teenagers to the cafe outside my window, i hope you die in the most brutal of ways
• can you get on MSN or is your internet still a shoddy mofo?
• i'm 89% sure i put some butter in my eye just now, but it was itchy and i had to
• or i could just pretend i'm crazy and act like the pizza is singing to me
• the answer is pizza
• what if i just tweeted in spanish today
• FUCK YOU TOO, CHROME
• bUT THE WAFFLE FRIES!!!!!!!!!!
• op 50% of johnos hm that explains a lot
• if anyone ever mailed me a kid, i'd punch them
• cats are goddamn sons of bitches and don't you tell me otherwise
• HALLELUJAH i thought that i'd have to break out the cats to help...and you know i hate that
• more like i'm planning a spartan warrior attack on you
• holy colton
• you need a Liam URL and then the three of us can be liams
• omg i've had cinderellapayne saved since the great shoe incident
• OH MY GOD the hallway is so hot that i actually screamed from the temperature change
• my dad asked who i was tweeting so i said @HeyCarese and he said ask her to send us some cool vibes
• #StupidThingsPeopleDo Exist
• it's 4:30 am, shut up birds ugh you fuckasses
• what kind of bible thumping deer hunting whackos CLOSE A LIBRARY AT 5 ON MOST DAYS.
• they go to payne college. it's like clown college but for liams
• #IfPokemonWasReal bulbasaur might've been lettuce
• i just remembered that my dog once tried to french kiss me. he was licking my face one time and he just went for it
• not if it's on my body he won't!!! no dog is getting to second base with me o k
• don't get me wrong, if he pees on me or my stuff i'll shun him. that's how i operate~
• YES I AM GONNA LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT DOG YOU DON'T EVEN K N O W
• JUST GONNA KEYBOARD SMASH A LOT TO GET MY FEELINGS OUT OMFG OK BEAR WITH ME
• but hey i'm still juicy
• i'm declaring myself a lemon cause i'm sour like the fruit and i break down often like the cars
• you can snap louis' suspenders. that's the only prize i'm offering tonight hohoho
• the only reason i haven't rioted yet is because matt bomer is some fine man cake #whoops
• going light bulb shopping because our house is an electrical black hole
• lunch it all to hell
• i've gone wumbo
• i swear to god the lady on the bbc just said "he had both kittens removed" there's no way she said kidneys
• deepest tootie bootie
• i wish i could livetweet my dreams
• JK would've ended up JKing her own life
• i feel like puff the magic dragon is chompin' on my stomach
• i've laughed so much my ribs throb and my head leprechauns are doing a drunken irish jig where they keep missing and kicking my skull
• sigh i'm wide awake. not like KP, but like i-need-to-jump-on-my-bed-to-burn-some-extra-energy wide awake
• OW MY SHOULDER IS NOT A BENDY STRAW
• he really likes frank's signature guitar lol i was like FIST BUMP ME BROTHA
• had a dream that i was a jubjub on neopets
• HUSH LITTLE DUMBFUCKS DON'T SAY A WORD
• imma chollas in my room
• AWWWWW JORDAN'S SO CUUUUUTE HELP ME IM IN LOVE WITH A 30 YEAR OLD
• SMACKIN AND YMAS TOGETHER OMG COLLABCOLLABCOLLABYOU BITCHES
• THIS IS EXCELKENT BIRTHDAY
• EXACTLY if the last guy isn't like drool-and-smash-your-face-against-desk hot, there will be no point
• op i'm by ham heaven again
• THEY HAVE FACE IN HOLE CAKES OMFG THEY'RE CALLED FACE CAKES BUT THEY'RE BASICALLY FACE IN HOLE CAKES I A M Y E L L I N G
• I WENT ON A GIRL'S BLOG FOR HER THEMES, GOT TSC BOOB APPRECIATION POST. C R Y.
• i'm watching good times and i'm going to pee my pANTS OMFG
• I CALLED HIM AN ASS AND HE GIGGLED
• OUR AC WAS BREAKING EARLIER SIGH I HOPE IT'S FIXING ITSELF SO I DON'T BECOME SQUID A LA PUDDLE
• this guy at mcdonald's looks like keNDALL
• read joshulyns tweet about things the matrix taught her and saw the spoons one. the first thing i said was, "only if you're a kadabra."
• sweaty and yawny, those would be our dwarf names lol
• PUNCH YOUR EYE!!!!!
• sigh of deep weep HAH RHYMING!!!!
• SOOOOO MANY REDNECKS AT THIS WAWA HELP.
• my dad and i are making fun of the hipsters as we listen to we are young.
• nosy dad on the loose. please report to anyone else but me if spotted.
• idk man i just really love black cherry wishniak
• DRILL HIM. HE'S GONNA GET LAID SMOOTH OUT FOR PUTTING HIS SEED IN ME. GONNA BE SMOOTHER THAN THE SMOOTHEST HARDWOOD FLOOR, I TELL YA!!
• he's a weasel, he obviously came from the ground
• HEY BEN IS SITTING WHERE I SAT!!!!!! WE SHARED BUTT SPACE!!!!! AM I COOL 5?)).,,&YET?!??!!!?
  • (mocking pupfresh)
• DAVE IS READING ITS KIND OF A FUNNY STORY. LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER BECAUSE DENNIS AND MATT HAVE GROSS BEARDS AND GIRLFRIENDS~
• how much squid could a squidchuck chuck if a squidchuck could chuck squid?
• goodies for Noodles
• GET AN EMAIL FROM PETA WITH THE SUBJECT 'MET YOU AT MAYDAY PARADE...' REALIZE 'CRAP, I GAVE THEM MY REAL EMAIL!!!!!'
• THIS IS REAL, THIS IS CHEE
• gonna try and get #sigh trending because i'm DYING and why shOULDN'T i have a tt before i kick le bucket
• there's a picture of me on the collage as a toddler. i'm so girly. i have a purple beret thing on omfg. I WAS A CLASSY BITCH~*~*~ EVEN THEN
• WHERE ARE MY OVARIES
• i can be totally decked out in EA swag
  • (referring to the fact that i had EA sweatpants AND an EA hoodie on at an EA show)
• i wanna marry this restaurant.
• CAN WE NOT BE BLOODY BITCHES
• he was like 'yeah, we'll invite three of your friends!' so i was like 'but i only have two!!!'
  • (telling carese about my dad's discussion with me about my 20th birthday party)
• clam down, yo
• GOOD LORD YOU AND YOUR HAZZA WET DREAMS
  • (to carese)
• pce bitches
• oh ham! and by ham, i mean hey.
• wish i had semen to sell
• i'm such a bamf at fix it
• if i watch x-men, maybe i can trick my brain into thinking wolverine is shredding my crampy uterus.
• it's like i fucking EXPLODED a baby or some shit!!!
• ARE MY DAD AND I REALLY FIGHTING OVER MAYONNAISE AND MIRACLE WHIP
• KENDALL HIPS SWIVELING IN GIANT 500x500 PIX GIF HELP SOS SO MUCH CROTCH HELP
• phil is crying cause i pulled the sticker off his head. what a wimp. it wasn't even sticky anymore, homedog.
• great though, i'm gonna be yelling at kurtofsky and crying at everything else and dad will be munching on chicken beside me.
• FOR A SECOND I LOOKED BACK AT THAT TEXT AND THOUGHT I CALLED YOU STAIRCASE.
• i just realized i painted a pizza on my ceiling tile last year. i was a genius, ok?
• he's quite the irish potato
• what, a temple runner?
  • (talking about what carese wants to be when she grows up)
• whaddup mang
• if i could print out gifs, i would print the kingsley 'what the fuck is wrong with you' gif, make it into stickers and go to every remaining date of the bwu tour just so i could walk down the line and slap them on the foreheads of idiot 'directioners'. oops.
• NIALL STARTED TALKING TO ME, SO I SCREAMED AND FELL DOWN THREE STEPS
• cheese wiz khalifa
• xoxo gossip payne

Tʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴍʏ ᴡɪғɪ ɢᴏᴇs ᴅᴏᴡɴ

• tomb of the unknown blogger
• franklin d. routervelt
• the battle at little bigwifi
• GIVE ME INTERNET OR GIVE ME DEATH
• playing quizboard is the only thing keeping me alive omfg

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ sʜᴏᴡs

• lol just watched some kid come over the barrier and take a security guard down like a stone
• this lady who's a "bubble fairy" came into the alley and gave me and two other girls golden safety pins. i am YELLING into my sweatshirt.
• i'm hardcore so i must live hardcore \m/
• a guy just walked by with a panda hat baseball cap like it had ears and i almost screamed at him.
• i got elbowed in my chest bone and it never felt SOOOO GOOD
• every man, woman and child wants a drink right now
• i think i'm just gonna pee on myself, problem solved.
• LP just walked by. i'm gonna go eat my sweatshirt now.
• josh is loose and running the wrong way omfg
• these homies aren't homieing.
• we share the same cycle GOD BLESSETH US ALL. except not really, cause we're like demons from hell.

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ Mɪsғɪᴛs

• we found love in a zombie infection~*~*~*~
• ZOMBIE CAT FUCK NO SHOOT IT
• EW ZOMBIE CHEERLEADERS AND ALSO FUCK U SETH

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ Tᴇᴇɴ Wᴏʟғ

• NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY BRAIN JUST STABBED ITSELF
• SHOOT ERICA IN HER GIANT TITS ALLISON OMFG
• i have 10 minutes left and NOBODY WILL SHUT UP OMFG I CAN'T HEAR JACKSON BEING AN ASS
• "just whisper, i could find you in a crowd" has a new meaning when it comes to scott lol
• STILES YOU GOOB PUT THE CROSSBOW DOWN

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ Kᴀʙᴏᴏᴍ

• GOOD GOD, IT'S LIKE VOODOO ORGASMS

Wʜɪʟᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ Dʀᴀᴡ Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ

• at first i thought duck, but then you drew its butt and i was like AHA!
• LOGAN LOVES HENDER BUCKETS OR SOMETHING?!?
• it was supposed to be a crossed out lemon lol

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ Gᴏ Oɴ

• go on is going to sPLIT MY SIDES OPEN

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ Lᴇᴠᴇʀᴀɢᴇ

• this rat faced kid on leverage is in EVERYTHING, oh my GOD

Lɪᴠᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ Tʜᴇ Sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ Cɪʀᴄʟᴇ

• everybody's fucking crazy except for jake, faye and melissa, why am i not surprised
• yeah giving adam the skull was a GREAT idea
• well fuck you too Diana
• last time i checked, a "high body count" does not equal 3
• oh there he is
• where has adam been for the last 20 minutes?
• seriously
• well shit jake
• great job there guys
• adam and melissa have the best friendship alright
• cassie is insane