The Blessing and the Curse She knew he would never be faithful to anyone, let alone someone as plain and average as she was. While he always returned to her, was her best friend, her confidant, her protector and her jailor, she always knew she would never be able to capture him in return. Sometimes she tried to console herself that he must somehow love her best, as he crawled into her bed, smelling like winter air and liquor and campfire smoke, falling asleep almost instantly, curled around her with his fingers entwined in hers. She knew he loved her, but wasn’t sure if it was enough.

write five names, places, emotions, film or song titles, bands, anything that sums up your day. do it each day on your listography for a year, copy and paste this at the top of the list so people know what this list is all about. my start date: april 30, 2015

• 12/21 - recap: have been alone in the house for two months, school had major ups and downs, got a kitten ♥, went to a teen wolf convention by myself ♥,
• 10/07 - drove to the city by myself — it was terrible but i survived.
• 07/06 - bored with everything
• 07/05 - crying in the bathroom due to driving anxiety, falling asleep after lunch with boy's voice reading about superego, ego and id
• 07/04 - work & orgasms
• 07/03 - lips, protecting nadine from evil, holding piedade's hips,
• 07/02 - scratching the car door against m...

• "For some reason he couldn't begin to understand, he wanted to say that out loud. He wanted to say — to this kid who couldn't possibly get it — that he felt tired all of a sudden, that he felt too old, like he was on the wrong side of some circle of life, and he had too many teeth and nothing real to cut them on." In The New Year
• "Derek used to hate how Stiles’s heartbeat was so much louder than everyone else’s. One day he’d tried to figure out why and instead he’d realized that it wasn’t. It never was. It was exactly the same volume. He’d thought that strong, specific thing about Stiles for all the years they’d been forced to work together, when he’d just been hearing it wrong this whole time. He’d think it again, hearing that heartbeat now, if he didn’t already know better." In The New Year

• Whispering into his soft hair, “Maybe I’m a dumb kid and you’re a stupid wolf, but at least we have each other.” What I Did On My Summer Vacation
• Before long, Stiles picks up a pen and writes something in the margin beside a passage Derek had underlined years ago. The Lunch Table Configuration

weird memories

• blessed storm just before leaving Jersey; seeing a guy fall off his motorcycle.
• "bon iver, please! there's a peach pie in the oven!"
• Rafa's little dance outside the St Malo's ferry station; "bring the beat in!"
• the creepy road in Rennes; "i've seen horror movies that start exactly like this"
• "what color is the giraffe?" still in Jersey, taunting Pedro for being colorblind; the picture of a giraffe in the hotel in Rennes.
• breakfast; drinking strong black coffee, watching Rafa lick all the chocolate and Pedro quietly reading some french paper. ♥
• playing stupid games; "carro amarelo!", "who am I?"
• smoking after dinner (bichet!!!!) in Burial, sitting on the swing set and sharing ...

• "I like you for who you are, sassy, nimble witted yet reserved." ♥
• Cups my face in his calloused, boyish hands.
• Brought me the most adorable coloring book for kids; our little walk to buy some pencils.
• The delightful moan he made when I crawled into his bed at five in the morning; "I was dreaming about you".
• His desperation when my grandma pointed at some perfumes and told me to pick one because it would ruin my scent, which he seems to love.
• Our first Shields listening, in my bed, both writing about each other in a notebook, with tangled legs and tiny smiles.
• Said that, for me, he would at least try to read Twilight (not that I would ever ask); already read Juliet, Naked and O Operário Em Construção .
• Whispers against my mouth, usually what we're still embarrassed or afraid to say o...

• girlfriend of client, who was bleaching her hair, reading the dream thieves and holding her hand
• spanish guy in his 40s with derek hale's tattoo on his ankle
• teen girl reading fanfic & showing me all the derek/stiles fanart on her phone
• malaysian girl's adorable, nervous laughter as we tried to understand each other
• woman singing florence + the machine while I washed her hair like I wasn't even there
• gorgeous girl from dallas calling me "babe" while telling me about seeing bjork in austin
• girl with the da vinci code , so bizarre — she didn't read one single page
• couple from NY who lived by the the night of bridge; she had teal hair, he the words ISLAM tattooed on his arm

The Haunting of Hill House I could live there all alone, she thought, slowing the car to look down the winding garden path to the small blue front door with, perfectly, a white cat on the step. No one would ever find me there, either, behind all those roses, and just to make sure I would plant oleanders by the road. I will light a fire in the cool evenings and toast apples at my own hearth. I will raise white cats and sew white curtains for the windows and sometimes come out of my door to go to the store to buy cinnamon and tea and thread. People will come to me to have their fortunes told, and I will brew love potions for sad maidens.

Write five names, places, emotions, film or song titles, bands, anything that sums up your day. Do it each day on your listography for a year, copy and paste this at the top of the list so people know what this list is all about. My start date: 02/01/14

• 11/08 - love by the fireplace, falling asleep on the couch (while he watched malcolm x) with my head on his lap and his fingers on my hair
• 10/22 - driving for the first time and not panicking (like i thought i would) ♥
• 10/08 - menstruating during the blood moon total eclipse, incidentally finished girl of nightmares .
• 10/05 - boy's grandma's birthday, her tiny hands on both my arms, "don't ever regret coming here."
• 10/04 - new short story, studying, eating a lot because of anxiety: grapes, baked apples, bread

• "“Don’t leave me,” Derek whispers against the back of Stiles’ shoulder, pressing his mouth there, but Stiles can’t hear him, turns and smiles and catches Derek’s guilty eye but doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask." The Difficult Kind

• Monsters don’t live in closets. They live in burnt out houses and are your best friend until the moon is full. About Today
• “Why are you here?” he asks, but he sits next to him anyway. Derek hums thoughtfully, takes a long drag in, eyes half closed. He exhales, lips pursed. Stiles watches him hungrily, chases the shadows across his face with his eyes. “Followed my feet. You and me, Stiles,” he says, then trails off, looks up at the stars again. “Maybe this is all nothing,” he murmurs, takes another hit. Some Kind of Karmic-Chi Love Thing ♡♡♡
• You came back and you were barely recognizable and yet everything about you, the parts that I. The parts that I wanted had stayed the same. And I'm sorry. Noticed

• Rafa crying when he heard my voice on skype for the first time in seven months. ♥
• Cammy calming me down, always. "Soon you'll talk to me about your adventures, like you did in the past. I know it."
• Pedro calling me a "tiny treasure".
• Muno telling me he's already planning an agoraphic friendly party to celebrate my return to our golden city.
• Sara and her daily "I'm here, babes". ♥
• Mafalda talking about me with Rui, my good childhood friend, and him telling her I was his first girlfriend.
• Conference skype afternoon †

mine

• anomia (n.) the inability to recall the names of people or things.
• sciamachy (n.) a battle against imaginary enemies; fighting your shadow.
• croodle (v.) to cuddle or nest together, as from fear or cold; to make a noise like a dove.
• pareidolia (n.) the instinct to seek familiar forms in disordered images like clouds or constellations; the perception of random stimulus as significant.
• cathect (v.) to invest emotion or feeling in an idea, object or another person.
• woolgathering (n.) idle or absent-minded indulgence in fantasy; daydreaming

his

• beguile (v.) to amuse or charm; delight.
• trenchant (adj.) forceful, effective and vigorous.

updated as i rewatch

nick & nora/sid & nancy

• jess steals rory's copy of ginsberg's howl , giving it back the next night with annotations on its margins. rory calls him dodger , the pickpocket in oliver twist . ♥
• ash's girl from mars plays as they walk away from each other.

the bracebridge dinner

• "are you mad at me or something?" "what do you think." "i can't read your mind."
• jess recognizes rory's snowwoman and tells her it kind of looks like bjork. he then destroys the better snowman so hers is the winner.

a-tisket, a-tasket

• ♥ "why are you only nice to me?" ♥
• rory tells jess to give the fountainhead another chance and in exchange she will do the same with his beloved hemingway (jess is such a boy)
• "ernest only has lovely things to say abo...

• "He wants Derek to want him. Wants him to be raw with it, scrambling. Helpless to say no. He wants to be wanted. And when Derek comes gasping, knees buckling, leaning back against the wall like he can barely stay upright, when he blinks hazy eyes and stares at Stiles like he never wants to look away, when he grips the front of his shirt and whines against his lips and breathes "yes" to Stiles' throaty "mine" ... He realizes he's starting to scare himself." The Price

• She is filled to the brim with death, and she feeds it to him. He is always hungry. Folie à deux
• He focuses on the way Stiles’ foot is right next to his on the floor beneath the table, how his lips move and his eyes laugh with his words, the delicate and broad strength of his wrists. Derek would pin those bones high above his head and place his mouth on them so that he could work his way down the curve of Stiles’ arm to the sweet bitterness of his armpit. Give me back my bones
• He’d either push him back against the side of the building so he can drop to his knees in front of him or he’d end up stalking outside the building all night. He’d sit on the fire escape and dangle his legs over the edge while Stiles slept inside. Give me back my bones

• "My heart is really pounding," I said. "That's how you know you're having fun," Margo said. But it didn't feel like fun; it felt like a heart attack.
• And so we just sat there, she with her nail polish balanced on the dash, and me with my shaky finger on the pulse of myself.
• To stay calm, I wondered to myself, Does he have regular handcuffs, or does he have special SeaWorld handcuffs? Like, are they shaped like two dolphins coming together?
• The smell leaves me seized by desperate panic — panic not like my lungs are out of air, but like the atmosphere itself is out of air
• A long line of cars trailer behind me, and I felt anxious about holding them up; I marveled at how I could still have room to worry about such petty, ridiculous cra...