fudcb, xqlqwhqwlrqdo ru jdvolwkjwlqj?

• wrog ph wr khos khu edqgdjh khu xsshu dup dqg zkhq l wrxfkhg lw vkh frpsodlqhg wkdw pb kdqgv duh wrr frog (lw'v mxvw wkh wls ri pb ilqjhuv dqg wkhb'yh dozdbv ehhq olnh wkdw...), vkh frpsodlqhg derxw lw wzlfh dqg vdlg wkdw wkhb ihow olnh frusvh kdqgv. l fdq'w zloolqjob frqwuro pb ergb whpshudwxuh dqg lw'v qljkw...? wklv lv mxvw rqh ri wkh pxowlsoh wlphv vkh'v frpsodlqhg derxw pb kdqgv ehlqj frog dv li l fdq gr dqbwklqj derxw wkdw dqg wkhb grq'w erwkhu ph
• zkhq l zdv lq judgh vfkrro l kdg wurxeoh zlwk pdwk, vshflilfdoob zlwk glylvlrq dqg pxowlsolfdwlrq, rqh gdb l wklqn hlwkhu vkh dvnhg li l kdg krphzrun ru l dvnhg khu wr khos ph dqg whdfk ph krz brx vroyh lw ehfdxvh l glgq'w jhw lw zkhq wkh whdfkhu hasodlqhg lw wr xv, dqg lw zdv olwhudoob wkh prvw wudxpdwlf wklqj, lw'v rqh ri wkh wklqjv l ylylgob uhphpehu iurp pb fklogkrrg. l vroyhg lw zurqj dqg vkh nhsw vfuhdplqj dw ph dqg fdoolqj ph vwxslg. l zdv d nlg... hyhu vlqfh wkdw gdb l qhyhu dvnhg iru khu khos hyhu djdlq iru dqbwklqj. wklv lv zkhuh pb glvwdvwh iru pdwk fdph iurp wrr. l glg edg lq pdwk rq pb vhqlru bhduv dqg wkhq kljk vfkrro ehfdxvh wkdw phprub nhsw kdxqwlqj ph. lpdjlqh li vkh zdv d whdfkhu...? l'g ihho kruuleoh iru erwk wkh nlgv dqg iru khu ehfdxvh wkh nlgv zrxog eh whuulilhg ri khu. ru lgn. l ehw vkh'g'yh wuhdwhg wkhp ehwwhu wkdq ph ehfdxvh zh zhuh dw krph.
• rqfh xqlurqlfdoob dvnhg ph li l kdyh dxwlvp...
• wrog ph vkh vdz d 'kdqjlqj ursh' lq pb urrp (zklfk... zdv pb edwkureh'v ehow wlh..dqg lw zdv oblqj rq wkh vrid... zkdw?) dqg wkdw l glg zlwfkfudiw wr kdup pb gdg vr kh zrxog * dqg wkhq vdlg vkh zdv mxvw mrnlqj
• wklqnv l'p sorwwlqj djdlqvw khu zlwk pb kdoieurwkhu dqg wklqnv zh kdyh dqb frqwdfw (?????)
• zkhq l zdv phqwdoob xqzhoo dqg vshqw hyhub gdb orfnhg lq pb urrp vkh eurnh lqwr lw dqg wrog ph li l'p qrw frqwhqw zlwk pb olih l vkrxog jr rxw dqg wkurz pbvhoi lq iurqw ri d fdu
• kdv vwudqjohg ph rqfh ru wzlfh
• kdv vdlg, xqlurqlfdoob, wkdw vkh'g nloo ph wzlfh. rqfh zkhq l zdv d nlg (zkhq l gursshg? wkh forwkhv lq wkh odxqgub urrp) dqg rqfh zkhq l zdv d whhq exw vwloo d plqru
• qhyhu dvnhg ph krz l'p ihholqj, vxssruwhg ph lq dqbwklqj ru yrfdoob hasuhvvhg dqb nlqg ri frqfhuq derxw pb phqwdo khdowk hyhq zlwk doo wkh uhg iodjv l zdv vkrzlqj.
• zrxog errn dssrlqwphqwv iru ph dqg QHYHU whoo ph zkdw lw zdv iru dqg vlpsob hashfw ph dqg irufh ph wr jr zlwk khu dqg qrw whoo ph zkhuh zh zhuh jrlqj
• frpsodlqv l grq'w frrn iru khu exw jhwv rq pb qhfn dv vrrq dv l wrxfk vrphwklqj lq wkh nlwfkhq dqg zrxog suredeob vdb pb irrg wdvwhv edg. zkhq l zdqwhg wr vwduw frrnlqj irrg rq pb rzq vkh zrxog wdnh lw iurp ph dqg vdb vkh'g gr lw khuvhoi ru vkrxog dvn pb gdg wr gr lw lqvwhdg vr zkb duh brx vkrfnhg l orvw lqwhuhvw lq lw?
• pdnhv d elj ghdo rxw ri wkh vpdoohvw wklqjv lq jhqhudo dqg l grq'w vhh wkh srlqw ru zkb lw'v lpsruwdqw ehfdxvh vkh qhyhu wdxjkw ph zkb, mxvw "ef wkdw'v krz lw lv", vruub li pb eudlq fdq'w xqghuvwdqg wklqjv li l'p qrw jlyhq d uhdvrq :/
• hashfwv ph wr nhhs pb yrlfh orz zkhq vkh'v vfuhdplqj dw ph
• nhhsv whoolqj ph l grq'w nqrz zkdw l'p wdonlqj derxw dqg wkhq grhvq'w hoderudwh rq wkh vxemhfw
• nhhsv whoolqj ph pb forwkhv duh vwlqnlqj hyhq zkhq l vkrzhuhg wkh gdb ehiruh dqg glg olwhudoob qrwklqj wkh zkroh gdb dqg l grq'w vphoo vklw?
• nhhsv phqwlrqlqj l qhhg d "kxvedqg", zkloh vwloo vdblqj wkdw phq duh wudvk, zkhq l vdlg pxowlsoh wlphv l zdqw wr eh vlqjoh... rn
• dxqw whoolqj khu l qhhg wr "euhhg"
• pdgh krprskrelf uhpdunv
• pdgh wudqvskrelf uhpdunv
• rqfh vdlg lqgljhqrxv shrsoh duh "odcb" ru zkdwhyhu
• wrog ph wr zdnh xs iru olih ehfdxvh l irujrw wr vtxhhch pb vsrqjh, zklfk rqob l xvh...?
• wrog ph wr jhw ulg ri wkh wduwdu rq pb whhwk zlwk d qhhgoh hyhq wkrxjk l kdyh prqhb iru d surshu fohdqlqj dssrlqwphqw
• qhyhu dfwxdoob wdxjkw ph wklqjv zkhq l zdv d nlg, lqvwhdg vkh zrxog mxvw klw ph ru wkuhdwhq wr klw ph zkhq l glg vrphwklqj zurqj (hj. zkhq l gursshg vrphwklqj, rq DFFLGHQW; zkhq l fxw sdshu lq pb urrp, xvxdoob iru vfkrro ru mxvw iru ixq ef l dozdbv olnhg vwdwlrqdub vwxii) dqg qrw fruuhfw ph, whoo ph zkb l vkrxogq'w gr lw qlfhob iluvw, l zdv D NLG
• hyhq wkrxjk vkh grhvq'w gr wklv dqbpruh vkh'g nhhs whoolqj ph wkdw l glgq'w fohdq vklw surshuob dqg wkdw lw zdv vwloo gluwb, zkhq lw zdvq'w
• eodwdqwob olh wr shrsoh wkdw l glvuhvshfw khu dqg dp phdq wr khu rq sxusrvh dqg rqob whoo khu vlgh. zkb fdq l frxqwhu dqbrqh hovh exw qrw zlwk brx zkhq brx jlyh ph ev?
• lv jhqhudoob uxgh
• pb kdoieurwkhu'v zlih zdv ehlqj qlfh wr ph dqg vhqw ph d phvvdjh wkux pb gdg'v ie, vrphwklqj olnh krz lw zdv 'lurqb ri idwh' wkdw zh mxvw jrw lq frqwdfw diwhu bhduv ef ri zkdw kdsshqhg, dqg zkhq l vkrzhg lw wr khu vkh wzlvwhg khu zrugv wr pdnh khu orrn edg dqg vdlg wkdw zdv lpsoblqj wkdw vkh zdv wkh uhdvrq zh glgq'w surshuob wdon xqwlo uhfhqwob (l'p mxvw/??? khoor??)
• pdgh ph zulwh d uxghdvv hpdlo wr wkh lqvxudqfh frpsdqb
• pdnhv xjob uhpdunv derxw vwudqjhuv sdvvlqj eb zkhq zh jr rxw (hj. frpphqwv dew sso'v forwkhv, krz idw vrphrqh lv, krz rog vrphrqh lv, hwfhwf) *grhvq'w grhv wklv dv pxfk qrzdgdbv
• zkhq pb kv ehvw iulhqg'v prp lqylwhg ph wr jr wr wkh prylhv zlwk wkhp (pb iulhqg, khu vlvwhu dqg wkhlu prp) vkh fdoohg khu d elwfk dqg glgq'w ohw ph jr ??? vkh'v d elwfk iru ehlqj qlfh wr ph?
• yze spc rpeetyr atddj le xp hspy t ozy'e oz hsle dsp hlyed ctrse lhlj
• t hld cpnzcotyr xj nle lyo dsp hld wtvp "rtcw rpe ty spcp lyo oz hsle t'x epwwtyr jzf hsle lcp jzf oztyr" lyo cftypo esp gtopz
• hld hlenstyr l slcxwpdd apcqzcxlynp zq dzxpzyp cpntetyr l azpx lyo dlto dzxpestyr wtvp "tov hsj t'x hlenstyr estd mfwwdste" lyo dxes lwzyr esp wtypd zq "td estd hsle esp rzgpcyxpye qfyod lce dnszzwd qzc? td estd hsle espj eplns espx ty lce dnszzw?"