i have a lot of media shit to update here but i’m popping in again because i think a lot about you listo. i do.

• everyone who follows me or knows me well enough might get an idea here or there that i am someone who might be depressed. severely or mildly, who’s to say. and i’m not here to get preachy about reclaiming myself or fixing it or even really think about it all that much. it’s just worth mentioning because i believe it to be another bout of what comes directly from that. my inner pain doesn’t make me isolate from everyone all the time, sometimes it’s from a situation i don’t feel like dealing with. feelings i don’t feel like having. when you live life with no aim, it’s hard to want things, it’s hard to have goals that are movable. that i reach and think wow. im moving up in life. it’s a standard way of thinking that ive decided has never suited me and may never suit me. it’s the only way to live in modern society sure. but hell if i ever wanted to live here for all that long. i live with no aim and i wait for little bouts of excitement. i feel like gacha game banners are the only consistent thing i have. but that doesn’t bother me. it’s fun and that’s what i consider my friends to be also really excited about. but what when they lose interest again? how long can we wait for something to happen?