Basically, I haven't been the world's biggest ball of sunshine lately. & this is just a list of the shit that's been bringing me down..

• Tony.
  • Keeps calling from jail thinking that we're still together, when really? We haven't been a real couple since last year. All this time has just been wasted & I've got to tell him that I'm just not in love anymore, & it's over. For real, this time.
• Jarvis.
  • Holy fuck, man. I miss everything about him. & you know, it just isn't fair how things can just change the way they did when we were so in sync & so in love & just so happy together. When we're apart, it feels like we're different people, when the fact of the matter is that he's the only one that knows me.
• Everyone else.
  • That isn't him. Well, it's my fault. I'm always looking for the easy way out, & so often, I think it's in the arms of someone else. Looking at all these great guys that I just can't bring myself to want - hurts so much. I'm hurting alot of people. I'm leading them on so far, I think it'd be easier if I could just be alone. If that makes any sense..
• Not having someone to talk to.
• Having a best friend that I'm not allowed to associate myself with.
• Eating all the time when it used to be so easy to fast & feel empty.
• Realizing that I completely played myself with Malcolm.
  • Thinking that we had potential to be something real, when it was really just about sex.
• Not being able to write anymore.
• Feeling completely lost & inadequate.
• Feeling nostalgic for my childhood.
• Feeling alone.