Days like today are days where I ask myself what things would have been like had the circumstances been different. I don't want to leave the house but I want to leave this place. I feel so misunderstood and disregarded.

It's hard for me not to wonder if I can ever really be happy with the decisions I've made, if everyone around me isn't happy with the decisions they've made.

My fear is: what if I leave and I still feel the same? I don't want to jump the gun, I don't want a repeat of last summer, but I'm still afraid.

How much time do I have to set things right? Or to at least set them in the right path? I might be swept up in it before I have the chance to make it they way I want to. But I figure it won't matter once I'm there, and I can feel the heat and the sun and the overall change of pace.

I can only hope this summer ins't yet another setback.

The dream I had last night was devastating. The past is long gone, there's nothing I can do to change what happened.

I want to sit in that house, and watch cartoons or something, wearing something comfortable and light, and feel some semblance of wholeness.